A Daily Scoop

Workshop

2012-01-28T22:10:00.000-08:00

Thank you to whomever it was out there praying for me today. I made it through both presentations without my mascara running. :) I did get emotional in parts but not so much so that I couldn't speak. I think the workshops went well overall. I hope so at least. I hope those in attendance felt inspired to write their own stories and use blogs to help them do that.

One thing I did that helped me keep my composure was to have the audience silently read a "post" I wrote specifically for the workshop that gave a summary of the life of my blog. I figured that reading silently gave them a true view of how it feels to know me from my blog. They could feel what my readers feel by reading. Plus it saved me from having to tell them about Camille's accident while trying to maintain my composure.

I thought maybe some of you may be interested in reading the post I wrote for the workshop. So here it is. Thanks again for the prayers!

Thestory of Stephanie Waite’s blog “A Daily Scoop” in Summary

Ibegan my blog in April of 2008. In the first weeks of my blogging I wrote apost about each of my four little girls. My life was happy and my future lookedbright. I had just moved into a new, permanent home big enough for us to growinto. I was in the midst of home decorating and backyard designing.

Myyoungest daughter Camille was about to turn one and her sisters were 2, 5 and6. It had been a hard year having essentially two babies to look after. But Iwas finally starting to see some of the benefits and joy of having kids closein age as my two youngest were beginning to play together more. My girls wereall beautiful, happy and healthy. Life was just wonderful and I was ready to writeall about it.

Littledid I know how drastically a Friday afternoon in June would change my life andmy blog forever….

Itwas his face that told me. Walking down that long third floor corridor,adrenaline still coursing through my veins, I saw him at the far end. He waspacing, helplessly. Then he turned my direction. And I saw his face.

Untilthat point, the only news I had heard from my husband was in a quick phonecall, “They got her heart beating and she is taking spontaneous breaths on herown!” He had phoned from the ambulance carrying our youngest daughter to thehospital. I was still at home. I was the one who had found her in the brand newspa. I was not allowed to go with her, the police said. I had to stay andanswer questions.

ButI had found hope in this one report my husband Jonathan had found time to phonein to me. Breathing on her own was good. A beating heart was good. That meantshe was still with us. She was alive. There was still hope. She would be okay.

Jonathan’sface told me a different story. His was not a face of hope or faith. His wasthe face of loss, great, unendurable loss. His was a face of agony.

Familyquickly gathered around us as we waited and watched and prayed. I had recentlystarted a blog and my sister logged on and put up a post requesting prayers onbehalf of my 14 month old Camille. We needed a miracle. We needed prayers offaith.

Theprognosis was very poor for our little girl. Doctors told us the best-casescenario was a long term vegetative state. As the hours passed, even thatseemed unlikely. Camille’s organs were failing.

Througha grueling process of time and pleading and acceptance and prayer, Jonathan andI came to understand the Lord’s will for our daughter. We saw the miracle thatwe would be seeing would not be one to improve our daughter’s health. Weshifted out prayers to plead for a miracle in our hearts. We pleaded forstrength to accept this heavy heartache.

Meanwhile,word of our plight spread and hundreds of people went to our blog to leavecomments of support and prayers. I updated our blog to indicate our decision toremove life support and ask people to pray for us: that we might have the strengthto keep breathing when our daughter stopped.

Thehundreds of people reading along with our plight and praying and supporting usturned to thousands. I felt a great strength come from the thousands of prayersbeing lifted up to heaven on our behalf. They were prayers from friends old andnew, family near and far, and strangers of all different faiths from manyvaried countries.

Ourdaughter passed away on June 15, 2008, 48 hours after I found her. And my blogbecame a tool for me to update those concerned about me, to process my pain andkeep a grip on eternal perspective. And so I wrote. I wrote everyday. I wrotethe words I could not say. I put my heart, broken, humbled, and yet stillbelieving out onto the Internet. I wrote my pain, the lessons I was learning,and my testimony.

Andpeople read what I wrote. Some found their own pain reflected in my writing. Mywords expressed what they couldn’t. Some learned right along with me. They cameto read the inspiration I had gleaned from my trial. And they read my testimonyand beliefs along the way. And the miracles we all prayed for eventually came.

Ihave seen and felt the miraculous healing of broken and shattered hearts,hopes, and spirits. I have seen the miracle of repentance and growth oftestimony. I have seen the miracle of one little angel spreading her influenceacross the world through the simple writings of her grieving mother.

Thetides of grief still ebb and flow but the good days far out number the bad. Iam grateful for that. I am grateful for the peace the truths of the gospelbring. I am grateful for Jesus Christ and his redeeming sacrifice. In Him thereis hope. I am grateful for temple covenants that bind me to my family forever.I am grateful that I will never have to worry about Camille staying true to theFaith. I am grateful to have one child sealed up in heaven and guaranteed to bemine as long as I live worthy of her.

Iam grateful for the miracle that I can still be grateful.

Public Crying

2012-01-26T23:12:00.000-08:00

So I have been preparing for this workshop I am giving on Saturday. In it I am going to try to read one of my old posts ... out loud. It is the "Inside the Heart" post. It isn't one of my saddest posts. It just illustrates something I want to point out really well. The problem is the whole public sobbing thing.

I still can't read most of my old posts or many of the comments any of you left in those early days without the flood of all that emotion rushing right over me. I can talk about Camille without crying--just not for very long or too in-depth.

I have never heard Stephanie Nielson speak. Have any of you? I mean I guess I have seen her on TV speak but not in person. She seems to hold it together pretty well when she talks about her plane crash and subsequent trials. I am not sure I will be able to do that.

I know I totally lost it the last time I spoke publicly about Camille. I had to stop speaking for what seemed like a full minute or two. I don't mind having emotion in my voice but I really prefer not to get to that level of emotion where my voice goes all high and squeaking and it is difficult to understand what I am saying. You know?

You know the funny thing is that I feel like I did better at the funeral than I do now. Maybe it is because back then I was crying about it all the time so it was a more even flow. Now when I talk about Camille, it is usually after a long time of not having talked about her and the emotion has been storing up in there somewhere.

I am always a little nervous to touch on a subject related to Camille in a public setting. The lessons in church when I bring her up are a little more nerve racking than normal. But those I know will be short points or brief comments in a larger otherwise less emotional subject.

By contrast, this workshop on Saturday, talking about blogging - well my world of blogging is pretty inseparably intertwined with my baby girl. She is the driving force of why I have blogged so faithfully and why anyone outside my family reads my blog.

I just hope I am able to hold it together for most of the two 40 minute workshops I present. Is that too much to ask?

Walking Down Memory Lane

2012-01-23T22:21:00.000-08:00

I am speaking at a women's conference across town this Saturday. I will be doing a 40 minute workshop on the positive use of social media. 40 minutes is a long time. Since I will not be going into the technical "how to" part of the subject, I have been looking to fill out the "inspire people to want to use social media in a positive way" side of my own experience.

In so doing I have been reading many of my old posts. I also decided to look for some of the comments that illustrated how this blog has impacted others. 11556 Comments. That is how many total comments I have been looking over. That is the total for the entire 3 years and 9 months I have had this blog going. I have previously read every one of them. But as I have reread some, I have come to realize how hazy my mind was in the early days of my grief.

There are comments from people I didn't remember commenting. I didn't know they knew or I guess I just didn't remember they knew. I have been struck once again by how far reaching a story like mine can travel. It runs down cracks and reaches old forgotten loved ones and new and undiscovered friends.

Raw grief has a way of changing relationships. It destroys some. It creates some. And many it just fundamentally shifts. It has been interesting reading back and seeing some of the early comments from people I didn't not know before all this and who are now some of my closest friends.

Doing all this reading has left tracks of tears down my cheeks as I remember just what was lost on June 13, 2008 and also what I have lost since then. I knew it would happen. I knew that ... "heaven in my home" feeling would not always be so tangible. I knew the day would come when I would get mad at my kids again. But I didn't want it to.

Reading my old posts and many of the comments makes me want to recapture that. I mean, I still do have a greater appreciation for my children than I did before. I absolutely do love and cherish them even when they are naughty or I am having to do one of the dirty jobs of motherhood (diapers, vomit, nasal treasures). It isn't like it was before. But it also isn't the "heaven is right here" feeling I had in the weeks of my raw grief.

I want that back, minus all the searing pain that accompanied it. But then I guess that is one of the main benefits for me personally of having this blog. I can read back and remember. As I do, I can feel it again. And I can recommit to keep it here, now.

I Like Bread and Butter

2012-01-23T13:02:00.000-08:00

I took all the kids to breakfast at Bread and Butter this morning. I had a amazing braised short rib and egg sandwich. It was one of the cork board specials. Harrison shared it with me. The meat was so melt in your mouth that even he could eat some.

I also got one of the raspberry donuts to try. It was big. I only expected to take a bite. Yeah. Then I took a bite. Let's just say there wasn't much sharing going on with that donut. I love raspberry and the raspberry filling was the perfect degree of sweet.

Seriously, Chris Herrin is a magic man. I am feeling so fully satisfied by my delicious breakfast I just had to blog about it and tell everyone that I love Bread and Butter!

Donuts

2012-01-22T11:45:00.000-08:00

One of Annie's Christmas wishes was for donuts. So Sabrina gave her a donut recipe book and a donut cutter. Last week we busted it out and made some baked raised donuts. They were delicious. I thought I would share the recipe since it was fairly simple.

These are best eaten while still hot.

Baked Raised Donuts:

1 egg
1/4 cup super fine sugar
1 cup whole milk, heated to 115 degrees F
1 T active dry yeast
1 t salt
2 t vanilla extract
2 1/2 -3 1/2 cups flour divided plus more for kneading
1/2 cup (1 stick) butter, cut into 1 inch cubes

In the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, beat the eggs and sugar on medium speed till blended (about a minute). Add the milk yeast salt and vanilla and stir to blend. With the machine on low speed, add 2 cups of flour about 1/2 a cup at a time and beat till the dough is thick and pulls away from the sides of the bowl.

Switch to the dough hook. With the machine on medium speed add the butter one piece at a time. Beat until no large chunks of butter are left in the bottom of the bowl (3-5 mins). Reduce speed to low and add additional flour until the dough gathers around the hook and cleans the sides of the bowl. It will be soft and moist but not overly sticky.

Turn the dough out onto a flour surface and knead the dough gently till it no longer sticks to your hands. Lightly grease a large mixing bowl. Transfer the dough to the bowl and turn to coat. Cover with a damp tea towel and let rise till doubled in volume (about an hour.)

Punch down the dough and roll to half an in inch thick. Use a doughnut or cookie cutter to cut out 3 inch diameter rounds with 1 inch diameter holes.

Preheat the over to 400 degrees F and line a baking sheet with parchment paper. Place the donuts at least an inch apart on the baking sheet. Cover with plastic wrap and let rise in a warm spot till nearly doubled (about 20 mins).

Bake till donuts are light golden brown (5-8 mins) being careful not to over bake them. Immediately brush with butter and sugar or glaze (sugar coated was best). Eat while still warm.

We had this little bowl full of donut holes. They were SOOO good.

Just moments later see how much emptier the bowl is?

I barely got a photo of them before they were gone. I coated them in butter and tossed them in a paper bag with some ultra fine sugar. Seriously these were heavenly little bites.

Here are our donuts baking in the oven.

Here are the spoils. We made some glazed - though I thought the glaze was a bit too sugary.

And we did some chocolate. But Sabrina, who took the photos, says they were too chocolatey. Is that even possible? I used dark chocolate powder to make the glaze. Probably why she didn't like it. Well they all got eaten in a matter of hours too.

Let me know what you think if you try these. It makes for a fairly easy and very fun family activity to make them together. Maybe a good FHE activity?

Blessings and Anxiety

2012-01-22T00:04:00.000-08:00

I have had a sense of foreboding today. I am not sure why. Sometimes I just feel this unsettled anxiety in the pit of my stomach that makes me a bit nauseas and reminds me of the feeling of the floor being pulled out from under me. It is a recognition of the genuinely fragility of so many routine parts of my life.

I sat in a bath as the hot water filled the tub. I thought about my bathroom and looked at it through the eyes of someone like rich and famous. It is a fairly standard bathroom. We have made no upgrades. It isn't the "spa like" luxury you might find in other homes. It pales in comparison to so many other bathrooms I have seen. It is nothing special.

Then I shifted my paradigm. I sat in that oversized tub and felt the hot water creep up around me. How privileged am I? I am sitting in this overly large comfortable tub. I have running water that comes into it with the turn of a lever -- and the water is hot. I wonder what percent of the worlds population has running water. I wonder of those how many have hot water. I wonder of those how many have tubs. Then I wonder how many of those tubs with hot running water are deep enough to cover an adult with water. I guess there are a very small percentage of the world's population who are so lucky.

At the same time, this foreboding feeling underscores how easily any given blessing can be erased from my life. It stirs my stomach and steals my appetite.

Jonathan and I went to the temple tonight. There I was reminded once again of the ultimate failsafe to this anxiety. In all the worst case scenarios my mind can imagine, somethings stay constant and ultimately bring me peace. No matter what happens or what trials I must face, Jesus is still the Christ. He will still be my Savior. My faith in Him and His gospel will still be sure. That is all that really matters. As long as I am good in my relationship with Him, the rest of this life is just an obstacle course designed to provide me opportunities to become more like Him.

iPad Giveaway! Utah readers take note!

2012-01-19T08:37:00.000-08:00

Hello my Utah readers. Remember when I posted about our Phoenix LaptopXchange grand opening when they gave away an iPad? (By the way, the woman who won the drawing happened to be a recently divorced woman who wasn't going to be able to give her kids any kind a Christmas. Seems that iPad answered someones prayer.)

Well it is Utah's turn now. A new LaptopXchange just opened in Salt Lake City. They will be doing a "Grand Opening Event" on January 28th where they will give away an iPad. Go check them out and let me know what you think of the SLC store. Make it your first stop for all your mobile computing needs. It will save you money!

Here is the store's location, hours, and phone number for details on the giveaway:
Salt Lake City, UT
2236 So. 1300 E. Suite D3A

Salt Lake City, UT 84106

Hours:

Monday - Friday: 10:00am - 7:00pm

Saturday: 10:00am - 6:00pm

Sunday: Closed

Phone: 801-467-4500

New Friends

2012-01-15T11:44:00.000-08:00

Remember last year when my Dad picked up a bunch of Chinese men at Walmart and became their Mormon taxi driver? See this post HERE. Well the CES conference was last week again and the Chinese guys were back in town for it. Jonathan and I went with my Dad to meet them for Chinese food on Thursday. We used an application on Jonathan's phone to translate for us as we don't speak Chinese and they speak limited English.

It was fun. They brought us some lovely gifts from China--tea and a lovely tea set, a beautiful fan and a cool drawing pad that erases when you push a button. Two of them, YY and Cao, had a free day after the conference ended and before they flew back to China so my dad picked them up from their hotel took them to see the Hoover Dam and then we met up with them at Bread and Butter to give them a great American meal.

YY is the one next to Lauren and Cao is by Sabrina.

I ordered one of almost everything on the menu. Their favorite item was the ham and cheese on pretzel roll. :) My favorite too. What can I say? These guys have great taste. Someday I need to get to China to visit them in the city across the river from Hong Kong.

But for now, Jon and I are dreaming and scheming to go to the UK and Denmark this fall. We want to see where our families originate. Any readers out there want to give me some must sees in those areas? I kinda want to drive from London to Denmark. I know it is like a 14 hour drive but I haven't ever been to Belgium or Holland and I would love to spend a day or two seeing the countryside there. Am I crazy? Jon thinks so. He wants to fly or take a train. Anyone been there and done it? Suggestions?

5th Grade Essay Contest

2012-01-11T22:12:00.000-08:00

Every year American Mother's Inc. sponsors a national essay contest for 5th graders. I am heading up the effort to collect essays from the wonderful 5th graders from the great state of Nevada. Do you live in Nevada? Do you have a 5th grader? If so, listen up ... or read on.

The topic of the essay is "What my Mother Means to me." 150 words about Mom. What could be sweeter? If you want your child to enter this essay contest, the full rules are found HERE. Email me for my address if you want to submit your child's essay at stephaniewaite at gmail dot com.

The difficulty I have run into in trying to get this essay contest going here is that public schools are preparing for their writing proficiency exams. Somehow this essay contest seems to be ... low priority for the schools. But I have a 5th grader. I want her to write this essay. :) I think it is important for children to reflect on all their mothers do for them.

If you also would like to have your child to have this "opportunity for reflection," whether they are in 5th grade or not :), check out the details and have your child sit down to write his or her 150 words. You may find great treasure in what they write.

Entries need to be to me by Feb. 10th and will be judged by an independent education professional. Prizes will be awarded to both state and national winners.

Super Best Friends

2012-01-08T11:27:00.000-08:00

Last night I was giving Noble a bath and Harrison, who had already had a bath yesterday, was crawling around the bathroom. Well, Noble was mostly just playing in the bath. He would make a big splash and Harrison, who had pulled himself up to stand next to the tub, would laugh and scream in delight. Harrison was up on tip toes.

I wish I had an internal video camera. I sat there watching in pure mother delight. My sweet baby and little boy, enjoying each other to the fullest, made my heart so full. These two boys love each other so much. I know they will be such good friends.

Then my mind turned to a conversation I had earlier that day with my sister in law. We were talking about our kids and she asked if my girls had best friends. I gave her the reply that Sabrina recently gave me when I asked her. "Annie is Sabrina's super best friend and Sabrina is Annie's Super best friend. They tell each other EVERYTHING. Even things they won't tell me."

Then my heart got that old familiar stab of pain from the plan going terribly wrong. Who is going to be Lauren's super best friend? Can I possibly fill that spot as her mother without throwing off the delicate balance of showing all my children equal love? Will she feel that missing or am I just feeling it for her? They are old and never ending questions.

I see Camille so often in my little Harrison as he grows. His joys are doubly fulfilling for me; his sorrows doubly painful to me. I miss her. I watch her Waite cousins, one girl 4 months younger and one girl 4 months older than Camille would have been. I see them holding hands, their friendship growing. I miss her being with them. They should have another member of their crew.

Then again maybe my little missing one can be more of a "super best friend" to all of us-- Lauren, her cousins, me -- just the way things are. She will always listen and never be angry or jealous or mean. She is close when we are sad and her silent presence is a comfort. Maybe one day, when we meet again, we will find she shared in all our joys, laughed with us in our jokes, delighted in our triumphs and was a more constant and close friend as an angel than she ever could be here on Earth. Maybe she is now more able than ever to be the "super bestest" friend ever.

A New Word

2012-01-07T21:08:00.000-08:00

Noble is at one of my favorite stages. His speech expands daily with new words and phrases. Today he displayed his new skills in a little phrase I wanted to record for the ages.

We were in the car. I was telling the girls we were going to our cousin's house after swimming lessons so I could get my hair cut. The girls were discussing how they liked me hair long or short. "Your hair is great long mom. Why are you cutting it?" That sort of discussion.

Then from the far back seat Noble pipes up his "humble" opinion. "MY hair is AMAZING!" Yes my son it is.

Here is Noble at the cabin this fall with his Amazing "white" hair shining in the sun.

New Glasses

2012-01-04T21:51:00.000-08:00

When I was about 14 I got glasses for the first time. I found out I needed them when I tried a pair of my friends glasses on for fun and realized I could see so much better with them on. That was ... a few years ago. Since then I have had 1 other pair of frames. I have never lost my glasses... until a couple weeks ago.

The last 2 weeks I have been searching for my glasses. Finally my husband told me to go get a new pair. The old pair were falling apart anyway seeing as how they were like 15 years old. So yesterday I went to the eye doctor and got a new Rx and then got new glasses. Here I am tonight in my pjs with my glasses on display for you:

I know kinda washed out due to the bright flash and the fact that I am sitting in the dark writing this. Sorry.

Anyway, I learned yesterday that losing your glasses seems to be a rather costly mistake. I guess that is why these will have to last me for the next 15 years.

On a separate note: my exercising goal is going well. I have been waking up to an alarm every morning and going running. My legs are killing me but my spirits are up. How are you doing on your resolutions?

New Year's Resolutions

2012-01-02T10:21:00.000-08:00

I make New Year's Resolutions every year. But I don't have the staying power to keep at them for a whole year most of the time. So this year I have decided to do monthly goals for our family like I did a couple of years ago. But instead of picking a new goal at the first of each month we laid them all out in advance.

The good thing about this is that I can focus on one thing and hopefully REALLY do it for the month. My hope is that some of it will continue through the year as well. At the same time it lets me pick 12 goals for the year. Considering the very extensive list of ways I would like to improve myself, this is good for me.

I had a hard time actually narrowing my list down to the 12. And to be completely honest I have a few "changes" that I am making for 2012 that I am not counting as resolutions. They are just going to be changes. They are things I already do faithfully but am going to increase my amount.

For our 12 Family Resolutions I had us focus on "well being" in the areas of physical activity, diet, spiritual, and emotional. Some months will be harder for some of us than others. But hopefully we will all grow through working on these resolutions.

Here is our list for 2012:
January: Exercise for at least 15 minutes everyday (this is a sweating workout)
February: No screens (except for checking email once a day and dad for work and maybe a weekly blog post)
March: No getting angry
April: Be Cheerful
May: Read the Scriptures individually (for mom and dad this will be 10 pages a day as our bishop suggests, for the kids it will be a verse for every year of their age.)
June: No processed Food
July: Exercise everyday for 30 mins.
Aug: Limit Sugar intake to one small treat a day or less
Sept: Whole Grains only
Oct: No complaining
Nov: Gratitude Journal daily and Grateful personal prayers
Dec: Serve others daily in a big way

What are you doing for your resolutions?

Merry Christmas

2011-12-25T22:09:00.000-08:00

It is Christmas night. All is calm and quiet and bright. We had a wonderful Christmas with a few big twists. My sister's new baby Sam had to have an operation on the 23rd so they were in the hospital with him till Christmas eve night. That was disturbing but we are grateful the doctors found what had been going wrong with his digesting his food and that he is recovering well at home now.

Also my parents got a big envelope in the mail from our Church Headquarters, specifically the missionary department. ;) They will be serving another 18 month mission in Kenya again starting this July.

We are enjoying family in town and new exciting presents (trains trains trains! a rocking horse, an ipod nano, a new camera and an exersaucer!) I will post photos from Sabrina's new camera shortly. She was our Christmas photographer this year.

But for now, here is our Christmas card for all of you to wish you a very merry Christmas from the "8 Waites,"

Here is the original photo by my sister in law Elizabeth. Thanks Buff!

Christmas Advent Calendar

2011-12-21T12:49:00.000-08:00

Someone asked for more information on the Savior Centered Advent Calendar my sister gave us for Christmas this year. Here is a photo of it halfway through the month:

It is hung from a piece of twine with clothes pins. As I took down the bags I put up Christmas Cards we had received. In each bag was a scripture question about the story of the Savior's birth along with the scripture reference where the answer to the question could be found. Additionally in each bag was an activity for the day. See below:

The activities have been one of several things. Some are a challenge to do a Christ like action like the day above where we had to call a family member or friend who didn't live with us and tell them how much we love them. Others have been poems or stories about Christmas to read as a family. There was a Family Home Evening plan in one. We read a story about the Christmas orange and played "pass the orange" as a family. That was so much fun!

My sister has posted more details on how she did this project and how you can make your own on her blog. I would highly recommend going over there to visit it. Just click HERE. Not only does the make for a really fun and Savior focused December, it is really cute and makes a perfect place for hanging cute Christmas cards too.

Make it as a gift for someone you love next year!

Christmas Treats

2011-12-19T21:04:00.000-08:00

Today I am once again thanking the Lord for my helpful girls. We were busy women today. We tended the boys and worked hard to get all our Christmas treats together for our friends and neighbors. This year I decided to give a cheese ball. It is a nice break from all the sweets. But my girls said I had to do pretzel treats too. "You have to think about kids mom! They don't like cheese balls." So we did about 300 pretzel treats too.

Sabrina and Annie and I got a good assembly line going while the boys napped.

So the photo is a little blurry but they were so cute in their aprons.
First we put some press and seal in a little 1 cup sized bowl.

Then we put some chopped pecans in it. (Annie did a wonder chopping all the pecans with our food chopper thing by pampered chef.)

Next we put in some plumped craisens. (Sabrina was our plumper. She was a pro with a wet cloth tied to her waist to help her out.)

Then we covered the craisens with green onion. (I chopped up 18 bunches of green onions for this project.)

After Annie put in the nuts and Craisens, Sabrina put in the green onions and then topped it all with a layer of Apricot Jam.

Lastly, I added two ice cream scoops of our cheese mixture (1 part coconut, 2 parts shredded cheddar cheese, 4 parts cream cheese softened.) We had a total of 28 cups of cheese mixture for our project. I patted the balls of cheese down into the bowl and wrapped the press and seal around it.

Here was the end result:

And here are all of them together on the table.

Next time I will have to be more careful about making sure my press and seal is bigger and seals well as some of them started to leak jam. There were too many to put in the fridge so we just took them out for delivery with a bag of Wheat Thins ASAP.

Now I am bushed, but happy. I love Christmas. Merry Christmas to you all!

Creative Crowns

2011-12-17T23:17:00.000-08:00

My Lauren loves to create things. I love seeing the beautiful things she comes up with. Our Camille tree out front (a red oak) has been shedding its leaves little by little. She picked a bunch up and made a counting book telling how she found one leaf in a bush and two leaves in the street and three leaves ... you get the idea. It was really cute with the leaves all stuck onto each page.

Then she got the scrapbooking scissors out and made these beautiful fall crowns for herself and her sisters. I think she wore hers for 3 days straight. She even made one with a leaf above each ear to wear for school "holiday head gear" day last week. It was her "raindeer" crown.

I just want to remember these little creations of hers. I want to remember the little notes of love and the times she offers to wash Annie's feet after Annie has a rough day. She may be hard headed and impossible to convince she is wrong (i have NO idea where she gets that ;) but she does have a loving heart and lots of talent.

I love you more than a never ending ice cream cone Lauren!

Harrison

2011-12-15T21:58:00.000-08:00

Eight months old and eight teeth! I am loving this little "wormy" boy. Harrison likes to worm his way along the floor pushing with his right big toe. He can crawl. He does more and more these days. But most of the time he crawls a few feet and then drops down to his tummy to push himself along the floor wormy style.

He is most drawn to the stairs (though he hasn't made it past the first step), the shoe caddy closet (bins of shoes and socks to throw all over) and the car bin. Luckily he hasn't disturbed the Christmas presents too much.

He is a snuggle bug and will wrap his arms around your neck when you hold him. He loves to run his hands through the back of my hair and hold on to it. I love that. He is precious to me. Those eyes, those lips, that happy, peaceful disposition... what is not to love?

Twooo!

2011-12-13T21:08:00.001-08:00

My hands have ben rather busy lately, thus hindering my posting. Instead I have been managing the messes and craziness of this little pirate guy:

"He will only be 2 once," Jon reminds me. And I know it. It brings both feelings of sadness and relief. I love 2. I hate 2. Mostly I love 2. But there are a few parts of 2 that really drive me batty. When I feel I am going batty I ask Noble, "How many are you Noble?" His little "I'n twoooo!" Makes me feel better.

He has been learning that Christmas decorations are for looking not touching (such a disappointment!) and that Christmas presents are supposed to stay wrapped under the tree. It is a "BIG No! No! No!" to unwrap presents.

Last week he opened a present (his first such offense) and found a train. It was for Harrison. Noble loves trains. This particular train was Emery from Chuggington (Noble's favorite show.) He was devastated that this was not for him. Later when I asked him what Christmas was all about he said, "Emery."

We had work to do. I took him over to the Nativity and told him the story of the Savior's birth. He wasn't sure about that baby really being Jesus. It looked lots more like Harrison to him. At the end he was till pretty sure Christmas was about trains.

All week we have been emphasizing that Christmas is about Jesus. We have been doing daily activities focused on the Savior with a fun advent calendar my sister gave us. Finally today when I asked Noble what Christmas was all about he said, "Jesus, Baby!"

I love seeing the joy of "Kissmuss" through 2 year old eyes. He will only be 2 once. He will only want me to play dinosaurs for hours for a short period of his life. He will only want to find scissors to cut anything he can for a little while longer. He will only insist I cook in the play kitchen with him and do all the cooking the way he says to for a few months more. He will only be saying the cute little things he says for a little while longer. He will only be 2 once.

And I will savor it all, the good and the bad ... because I can. Because he is "twoooo!" Hooray!

The Little Things

2011-12-08T23:23:00.001-08:00

My camera is out of juice. So the other day I went to get the charger for the battery so I could charge it. I couldn't find it. I looked high and low. No luck. I have one place I keep stuff like that and I looked throughly to no avail. The camera is only a few months old. I have only had to charge the battery once. Where could it be?

Tonight I started to think I would have to buy a new charger. I looked up how much a replacement would cost - $50. That is almost 1/4 the price of the camera. I know it has to be somewhere. But where?

I went up to bed. I knelt down to say my nightly prayers. And I prayed to find my charger. I did not have much hope. I had already searched high and low. I knew it wasn't somewhere I was just going to "run across" sometime. I have been looking for it for a few days now.

But I prayed that maybe the Lord would put a thought in my mind that would help me know where to look. I just kept thinking that it couldn't be too far from the place I keep all the charger things. So I came back downstairs to that area and thought, "You know I know I have looked there before, but I will search the kid's "pencil" drawer again. It has lots of junk in it. Maybe the charger is hiding.

As I started looking I realized that I didn't even know exactly how big it was. It could be smaller than I was thinking. I began taking everything out. And there it was. Under some paper in the far back corner. It was MUCH smaller than I thought. It has no cord either (another thing I was looking for.) It just plugs straight in the wall.

Once again, the Lord shows me He does care, even about little things.

the best laid plans...

2011-12-04T23:16:00.001-08:00

Today is Jonathan's birthday. I was planning to go out to dinner with him and another couple to a nice place on the strip last night. I was planning to let him sleep in and do all the kids by myself this morning. I was planning on making him a coconut cream pie all for himself. I was planning to put the kids to bed early so we could spend one on one time together before going to sleep.

Then yesterday, a couple hours before we were to go out, I found out one of our friends was sick with a stomach bug. We decided to go to the temple instead of the Strip. Then for his "birthday dinner" we went to Tacos El Gordo. Basically we went to Mexico only we never left Las Vegas. It was the real deal. It was not the fancy place we planned to go but the food was legit Mexican. And the spirit and learning at the temple were so much better than the strip atmosphere.

When we got home we watch the King of Kong documentary. It is all about 2 guys competing for the world record score in Donkey Kong. Best line in the movie is when the one guys daughter is talking to her dad about how he is trying to get into the Guinness Book of World Records. She says something like, "Gee I never knew it was such a big deal to be in that book." Then her dad says it is and that people do a lot to get in it. To which she replies something like, "Yeah some people ruin their whole lives to get in it." Hmmmm.

That night Harrison was up 10 and 2 and 4 and 5. He is teething and has an ear infection so I was up with him each time. So when Noble woke up at 6 ... well Jon didn't exactly get to sleep in. I wanted to get up with him. The spirit was willing but the flesh ... well it was bone tired.

When I did wake up I did make a coconut cream pie for him and a second (1/2 coconut 1/2 chocolate and coconut) for everyone else we would be eating with that night at his parents house.

It was fast Sunday so there was no breakfast in bed or anything but we did wrap up some presents and let Jonathan open them this morning. After church I put Noble down for a nap and let Jon have a much needed nap. Then we packed everyone in the car and headed for Grandma's house to celebrate the 9 or 10 Waite family birthdays in the month of December.

Annie was acting funny and not eating all through dinner. Post dinner we all sat in the family room going over who all had birthdays this month and when. Just as we were wrapping that up Annie threw up all over me. Fun times. She felt so bad that she had thrown up on me. But that is just part of being a mom.

We went to the bathroom to disrobe and shower and get our clothes in the laundry. Meanwhile the family dove into dessert. Jon shared his pie with his family since my "chocolate coconut" experiment was not so great.

And tonight I sat with Annie till she fell asleep before going in to spend a few minutes with Jonathan before he fell asleep. What a long day. I hope Annie sleeps tonight and feels better tomorrow. I wish I could sleep. I feel anxious. I thought writing might help. I hope it does. I am going to go try to sleep again. It was not the birthday I had planned for my husband. But he knows I love him and I love that he loves me despite my foiled and altered plans.

Celebrating the Savior

2011-12-01T22:56:00.001-08:00

Last Sunday we had a lesson in our women's class about focusing on Christ during the Christmas season. At one point in the lesson the teacher asked us to share a memory of one of our best Christmases. A Christmas where we really felt the Savior in the season.

A couple of ideas came to my mind. Foremost among those was the Christmas of 2009. A friend of mine raised her hand and said what I was thinking. "A couple of years ago, Stephanie did that auction on her blog. I wasn't that involved with it but I did donate something and I was in touch with the person who won my item. That Christmas helping that woman out who was really special."

She was talking about the auction I did to raise money for Emily Jones after her husband tragically died in the Nutty Putty Caves in Utah over their Thanksgiving break from medical school out East. It was a lot of work to do that auction. But, for me, it was one of my very best Christmases. I really felt the Savior's love in the service of so many people.

A couple of days ago my friend Britt contacted me about a friend of hers. Britt's son Daxton died the same week as Camille. He had just turned 1. We met online and then in person a few weeks after they died. We have become great friend since then and have traveled together many times.

So Britt and I were chatting online and she told me a friend of hers from high school named Brooke Hunt. She and her husband have had an extraordinarily rough year or so. Her husband had a job loss that led to the loss of their home. Two weeks ago her husband was in a car accident and totaled their car. This is all tough but it is small potatoes in light of their Thanksgiving week.

Just days before Thanksgiving, Brooke found the youngest of her 4 children, her 17 month old son Chase hanging in the rungs of their bunk bed with food in his mouth. He died the day before Thanksgiving.

Britt and I both know exactly how Brooke feels. We know nothing can make this better. But we want to do something to send some love her way. Britt thought maybe we could collect angel ornaments to give their family an angel tree similar to ours. I know that angel tree and the ornaments sent by so many of you brings me so much peace and joy each Christmas.

I love taking each ornament out and examining it and remembering the notes of love and support that were sent with them. I would like to invite you to make this one of your best Christmases ever by doing some service for the Hunt family. Be on the look out for angel ornaments. I will be talking to Britt more about how else we can help. Perhaps donating some money (burial costs are not cheap.) I get more info for you when I can.

If you would like to send an angel ornament, please email Britt at angelchase506 at gmail dot com.

Kind Strangers

2011-11-30T21:44:00.001-08:00

Today I took the boys to Michaels to pick up something crafty for my Webelos to do for Scouts tonight. I am so not crafty. It was a struggle. I kept wandering around the store looking at things and wondering what you do with them.

I ended up picking up some clear plastic Christmas tree bulbs and some paint. A friend of mine made me one of those about a decade ago and it was cute and sounded fairly simple. We put the paint colors inside and shook them up till it was all covered.

Anyway, it took me quite a while to find and decide on this "art" project. Navigating the narrow aisles of Michaels with a 2.5 year old who is bored and sleep deprived (up twice last night and wouldn't nap today) and an 8 month old who keeps getting poked by the bored and tired 2 year old... do I really need to say more?

Noble kept screaming and crying because I wouldn't let him grab things off the shelves and I kept having to hold his little hand and tell him to tell that hand not to touch the baby. You get the picture right? So as I was looking at some item, some kind woman heard Noble and came up and started talking to him.

He quieted down wondering who this stranger was talking to him. She asked him if that baby was his brother. She told him how lucky he was to have a nice mama. She even asked him to say "I love mama." :) He wouldn't. But he did quiet down. Then she told him to be a good boy for his mama and she winked at me and pushed her cart away.

Her simple act greatly improved Noble's behavior. Maybe it made him notice that other people notice when you are throwing a tantrum in public. I don't know. In any case, I was grateful for the kindness of stranger who made my day just a little bit easier.

Being a mother with young children has made me very sensitive to how hard it is to do this job sometimes. I have had a few times where my kids were melting down and I was surrounded by people who could help (not strangers) and it was obvious that I could use help but no one offered to help. Those experiences have made me promise myself that whenever I can help some mother with lots of young kids being overwhelmed I will.

Maybe someday I will get to be the kind stranger that charms the crazy 2 year old with a few questions and a bit of attention.

Christmas Magic

2011-11-29T20:42:00.001-08:00

Yesterday I had an errand to run at Lowes. I had Noble with me. I parked the car and went around to get him out. As I was lifting him out of his car seat his eyes got big and wide. In the most excited little 2 year old voice he said, "Is it HIM??? Is it Him???"

Confused, I looked around to see who he was talking about. The parking lot was empty. So I asked Noble, "Who?"

Noble then puffed out his belly and said in his deepest voice, "HO, Ho, Ho!" A smile immediately spread across my face. I had not seen anyone behind me but I had seen an inflatable Santa for the yard.

"Do you mean Santa Claus?" I asked.

"HO, Ho, Ho! Mama! Ho HO HO!" Noble replied.

"Yes that is what Santa says but his name is Santa Claus." I told him.

"No mama. He is Ho ho ho!" he informed me.

I am grateful that Christmas magic (2 year old style) is in my home this year. I LOVE it. This time of year is just so much more magical from the perspective of a 2 year old whose only Christmas wish is for trains from "Ho Ho Ho!"

iPad 2 Giveaway!

2011-11-28T22:51:00.001-08:00

You know everyone is grateful for a good giveaway. You can count me into that group for sure! Especially when the giveaway is for something as awesome as a new iPad 2!

Well tonight I was talking to my husband and I mentioned that he should do a giveaway as part of the "GRAND OPENING" of his Phoenix LaptopXchange. Then he tells me he already is doing that. They are giving away an iPad 2!

So to enter the drawing all you have to do is go to the store in Phoenix in the Metrocentre at I-17 and Peoria. The Grand Opening for the store is this Saturday and that is when they will do the drawing. The store is open now. But this Saturday is their kick off party day. But you can be entered in the drawing any time up until the drawing on Saturday.

I am totally wishing I lived in Phoenix because I would be driving over there. They have MacBooks for as low as $500. I love my MacBook Pro that I got there. Typing on it right now. :)

Before you go buy any type of mobile computing device (iPad, laptop, tablet, iPhone) you should check LaptopXchange if you have one in your area. Chances are you will find a much better deal on a refurbished or preowned device at LaptopXchange.

They also will fix cracked screens for all those devices for much cheaper than the Apple store or other places. And unlike other places that ship your computer out to fix it, all the work is done on sight so you get a faster turn around time.

If you are headed over to get in the drawing, take any old laptops or other mobile computing devices with you. They will buy them from you and safely remove your information for you. You can get a little extra Christmas cash or get a trade in value for something else in the store if you like. It is the "green" way to get rid of your old mobile computing devices and they PAY you for them! Win win!

So if you live anywhere near Phoenix, head on over with your old laptop, iPhone, or iPad and get in the drawing for a new iPad 2 and see if you can score some extra Christmas cash! Tell your friends! Spread the word! I mean who isn't grateful for a great giveaway?

Here is the Phoenix Store information:

LaptopXchange

The Temple

2011-11-27T22:33:00.000-08:00

Last night Jonathan and I went to the temple. It felt like a cold drink after running. I was so thirsty for the spiritual power and strength and peace I get by attending the temple and participating in the work we do there.

The temple has helped me through some low points of my life. I am grateful for the "home" away from home that it is for me and the sealing powers at work within its walls.

I love and am forever grateful for Temples.

Single Births

2011-11-26T22:41:00.000-08:00

Growing up as the older sister of identical twins, I always thought twins were awesome. They certainly got lots of attention. I loved having twin younger brothers. I even took them as my "show and tell" one year in school.

Then as I got older and got married and began my own family I experienced the joys of morning sickness. Suddenly the idea of twins seemed so appealing. Half the sick time for twice the prize. Then my sister had twins.

My parents were on a mission so I packed my 2 girls in the car and drove up from California to "play grandma" for them. My last night there I told my sister to sleep through the night and I would do the boys myself so she could get some rest. I slept 1.5 hours that night. I no longer wanted twins. :)

Since then, both my brother Darren and Jonathan's brother Aaron have had twins (about a week apart). Those sets of twins are now just over 19 months. My brother Darren and his incredible wife Nikki stopped by tonight on their way home from Utah. I listened to their stories of trying to travel and get some sleep with 2 little ones in port-a-cribs and messed up sleep schedules. Once again, a distinct feeling of gratitude for my single births came over me.

I am grateful to have had my kids one at a time and to be able to enjoy the wonders of each different age category at one time.

Christmas Lights

2011-11-25T22:36:00.000-08:00

As I watched my neighbors putting up Christmas lights and see more lights around as I drive down the street, I am grateful for the simple reminder of the Light of Christ that Christmas lights are to me.

At this time of year, even the city lights that normally remind me of the glitz and allure of "Las Vegas," at this time turn my thoughts instead to a giant display of Christmas lights. And I smile inside remembering Him.

thanksgiving

2011-11-24T23:13:00.001-08:00

To me, Thanksgiving is all about three things: Gratitude, Family, and great Food. My Thanksgiving day was just FILLED with those things.

I took a tip from the Family Volley and made "thanksgiving rolls." She suggested writing down things we are thankful for on paper and baking the slips of paper in the rolls. Then at the table you pull the paper out like a fortune from a cookie and guess who said they were thankful for that item. It was a great activity and it focused all of our minds on our blessings. Plus the kids LOVED trying to figure out who said which thing.

I busted out the china and stemware to host my parents, my Uncle Dave and Aunt Sharon from Idaho and my sister Lesli's family for a mid day meal. It is the first time in years I have hosted an event that was "china worthy." It was so fun to eat fancy and appreciate the beautiful things we got for our wedding.

Later in the day we took some of our food and headed over to the Waites for another round of Thanksgiving goodness. We were delighted by a talent show by the grandchildren. Jon's brother Nathan and his family were in town from Colorado so it was great to spend a bit of time with them too.

I tried to go lighter on my meal this year. I put less sugar in my yams and made my cranberry sauce with maple syrup and orange zest. I also omitted a few traditional things that just put us over the top food wise. All in all it was just a great meal and best of all I didn't feel sick at the end of it like I ate too much. I am looking forward to leftovers. :)

I am grateful for all that filled my Thanksgiving day.

Photos

2011-11-23T21:03:00.001-08:00

We recently went to visit my brothers' and their families in Southern California. While there, my sister in law Elizabeth took some family photos for us.

I am so grateful for her doing this for us. I am grateful for the miracle of photography. So often when I am missing this little girl:

I look down and see this little boy:

and I am grateful beyond words for him...

and for her...

and the photos I have that preserve my memories.

Naps

2011-11-22T23:37:00.001-08:00

The last two days my boys have both taken naps at the same time. It has been beautiful. I am so grateful for the naps I have gotten to take along with them. :) Sleep really is a beautiful thing isn't it?

Grace

2011-11-21T23:23:00.000-08:00

Sitting around my family dinner table growing up or when the five "kids" were all young single adults often found us in deep discussions. So when all of my siblings got together for my dad's 75th birthday party, we once again were plunged into a deep discussion about the role of the Atonement in our lives.

The long and short of the discussion came down to how completely dependent we are on the Savior and His infinite sacrifice to have hope of salvation. He paid the debt for us. I am grateful beyond expression for His grace and mercy and the infinite Atonement he performed.

There is no "repaying" Him. But I will work my whole life to become more like Him, to follow Him as closely as I can. He has purchased me and I am His. I only hope my works can be expressions of gratitude for that incomparable gift of Grace he offers me.

my body

2011-11-20T20:15:00.001-08:00

I am grateful for my body. I am grateful that I can see and hear and smell and touch and feel the beautiful creations of this world. I am so thankful for good health. It is a blessing beyond measure.

I am also grateful that I have officially lost my pregnancy weight from Noble and Harrison! Now if I can just maintain through the holidays then for the new year I will make a goal to lose the 5 lbs I gained through my first 4 pregnancies. :)

Family and Friends and Family Friends

2011-11-19T22:20:00.001-08:00

Tonight we celebrated my dad's 75th birthday. My three brothers surprised my dad by coming in town for his party. We had a marvelous time with friends old and new and an amazing abundance of incredible food prepared by our good friend Chris Herrin of Bread and Butter Restaurant.

My tummy is so full. My heart is even fuller. I am so grateful for the family I was born into and the wonderful community of friends my parents cultivated to be a part of my life. It was wonderful to see so many of these dear people tonight.

I hope that the friendships Jonathan and I are cultivating will be as rewarding for our children as they grow up as so many of my parents friends have been to me.

Trail Blazers

2011-11-18T21:04:00.001-08:00

Today my brother and his family are staying with us. I watched 3 of his kids and two of mine for a good part of the day. That means an almost 10 year old boy, a 5 year old girl, two 2 year old boys and my 7 1/2 month old boy.

The morning was fairly chill and when it came to nap time, both the 2 year olds were tired but neither would go to sleep. I gave them a good long "rest" in their respective sleep places but neither ever actually fell asleep. So upon giving up on them taking a nap I decided they needed an outing. Since I don't have enough car seats to drive them all somewhere I decided we would walk to the new park near my house.

I put the baby in the Bjorn and grabbed the wagon. I put on 5 pairs of shoes and headed off on the dirt trail in the mountains behind my house to go up and down the hills and to the park.

On the way there everyone walked on their own (well except Harrison of course) and was in good spirits. Berkeley pulled the empty wagon for me. The weather was great and it was fun. We got to the park and everyone had fun.

By the time we were done playing, my no nappers were melting. They were tired. They didn't want to walk or rather hike. It was mostly uphill to get home. So I put the 2 year olds in the wagon and with the baby on my chest I pulled the wagon as Berk pushed. The 5 year old was a trooper. She really wanted to ride in the wagon with the little guys but she hiked like a pro instead.

So as I pulled and Berk pushed that wagon, I thought of my pioneer ancestors pulling their handcarts. Some said in their lowest moments they felt the angels pushing them on. I thought of them in that moment and I felt great gratitude. Gratitude for their endless sacrifices day after day to blaze a trail of faith for me to follow.

Imperfections

2011-11-17T21:55:00.001-08:00

We got school photos yesterday. Annie was complaining about a freckle she doesn't like on her face and how she wants it to be gone. I told her how much I loved her tiny little freckle because it makes her unique. Sometimes our imperfections (when they are not the sinful kind) make us even more precious because they make us unique.

I am grateful for my little Annie's freckle, and all the moles, dimples, freckles and other "irregular" marks on my children and husband that make them uniquely beautiful creations of God.

November

2011-11-16T22:29:00.001-08:00

Each morning this month I have been having our family go around and say one thing we are thankful for after we say our morning prayers. It is just another little way that I am attempting to teach my children to think more "thankfully."

Ann Marie started the first day being grateful for January. Being that January is her birthday month I figured that made sense. Day two she was grateful for February. You can guess what day three's gratitude pick was. Well it may seem strange to be thankful for a "month," but I am honestly thankful for November today.

I love how November helps me refocus my thoughts on gratitude. I love the effects of Thanksgiving affect my children. Lauren has been painting a hand turkey for every member of the family and getting really mad at me for not decorating for Thanksgiving. She is very insistent that we not just skip to Christmas. I appreciate her vigilance in the matter. She is keeping us all focused on Thanksgiving.

Yesterday she told me she was thankful for Pilgrims. I am glad she is learning good things at school so she can come home and teach me everything she learns.

Today as I went to go pick Lauren up from school, I heard Noble in the back seat say, "I am ankful fer Annie." It took me a minute to understand what he had said. Then I realized my 2 year old was saying he was thankful for his sister. I said "me too." Then he said he was thankful for Sabrina. I told him I was thankful for Sabrina too. He went on to say he was thankful for every other member of our family, cars, trains, school, and paints.

It was the sweetest conversation. I am so grateful for November and the gift of gratitude it gives me.

Girls

2011-11-15T22:19:00.001-08:00

Sometimes I feel like girls get a bad rap. I can't tell you how many times I have heard the pity in someones voice when they find out I have four daughters. This was especially true when I only had the four girls.

People think immediately of weddings, the cost of all the clothing and accessories, and the raging PMS. And admittedly, I am not to that stage yet. But on days like to today, I am grateful to have daughters. Today I was making dinner for 4 families. Every time I got something going, Noble somehow got his "helping" hands into it and made more work for me.

First he "helped" unwrap the butter for me that I had laid out to soften for my cookies. He kept trying to "season" my bread dough with fists full of salt. I made a fresh pizza sauce with fresh tomatoes and basil from my garden and put it in a measuring cup on the island to wait till I needed it. Noble thought it was a smoothie and tried to drink it. He apparently didn't like it so he threw it in the sink. Well, mostly in the sink. About a third of it ended up all over my cupboards and floor and him.

He kept trying to eat my pizza dough and he did eat quite a bit of my cookie dough. I felt like I was trying to play keep away with him all day while taking care of the baby and making this big dinner.

So this afternoon when my girls got home ... sigh ... I felt incredible gratitude for them. Sabrina took Noble upstairs to play with him - away from the baby and the kitchen. Lauren took Harrison for a ride in circles on the recliner. And Annie came over to see if she could help me make dinner.

Now I am sure there will be times when my boys are great helps too. And I am grateful for the joy they bring me now in the cute littleness. But today ... I am SO grateful for my girls who just brought me so much sanity today.

Service

2011-11-14T09:30:00.001-08:00

I am grateful for opportunities to serve others. It makes me feel good. It makes me happy. Remember the year I did the fundraiser auction for Emily Jones? Well one of my readers, Mindy, remembered. Now she has a former seminary student, Bryce, who has joined the army and is headed off to Afghanistan. Before he leaves, he has one wish ... to get a headstone for his mothers grave.

His mother lost her battle with cancer on March 25, 2011 (my Harrison's birthday.) The kids had to take out a loan to pay the funeral cost. I know from my own experience that these are about $10K-$15K. They haven't been able to get her a headstone. You'd be surprised how special this "final" gift can be for those of us left behind.

My reader Mindy wants to help. So she is holding an auction similar to the one I did for Emily. You can go over to her site HERE and see if there is anything that tickles your fancy and help someone at the same time. Or if you want to donate something you can contact her at runaholic{at}gmail{dot}com to see if she is still accepting items to auction off.

Spread the word. Let's do a bit of service to show our gratitude for all we have in this season of Thanksgiving.

Land of Freedom

2011-11-13T20:07:00.001-08:00

I am grateful to live in a country that ensures my freedom to believe, speak, write, and live according to dictates of my own conscious. What an amazing blessing. I am grateful to live in a land where my government works diligently to protect me from harms both domestic and international.

America is far from a perfect country. Her people are human after all. Her leaders... are men and women ... some good and some have fallen to the temptations of power and position. But I am grateful for the divine providence that helped inspire the founding fathers to construct a constitution and bill of rights that would stand the test of time and create a republic that grants enormous freedom to all her citizens.

God bless America. I am grateful for her.

Truth

2011-11-12T19:54:00.001-08:00

This morning as we drove to swimming lessons, I got an earful from my girls about who got more of this or less of that. It got me thinking about how preprogramed we all are about the need for things to be fair and just. And that led me to think of how the Savior teaches us to love so much that fair and just matter less than love and compassion.

And so I told my children that for the rest of the ride I wanted them to be quiet and listen to me as I expressed my thoughts on the subject. It turned out to be a very sweet teaching moment about how "unfair" it was that the Savior suffered for all our sins and how He did it because He loved us so much.

I enjoyed the exercise in thinking through the subject as I talked to them and I appreciated the teaching opportunity it became. I am grateful to be able to teach profound truths to my children so that they may find greater happiness in this life. I am grateful for the critical foundational truths my parents taught me in my youth so that I would know where to turn to find the answers to any of life's questions I may need at any given time.

I am grateful for Truth.

The Internet

2011-11-11T23:11:00.001-08:00

I have spent a good deal of time scouring the Internet for good deals on Christmas presents tonight. I can't imagine having to do Christmas shopping the old fashion way with 5 kids. I can barely manage grocery shopping and that doesn't include the crowds unless you go to Costco.

I know the Internet also has some serious down sides because of the open door to everything both good and bad that it brings to your fingertips. And sometimes I want to curse it when I think of how readily available it makes damaging materials to people who would seek them out, or just stumble upon them.

But tonight, I am very grateful for the technology we have at our fingertips in computers and the internet. These new technologies are powerful and it is up to us to use the power they give us for good.

Tonight I found much good in doing some Christmas shopping. And everyday I find enormous good in the community I have found through this blog, and the relationships I am able to maintain despite distance.

So Thank You to Al Gore! :-)
(or whoever really invented the Internet)

Fruits of My Labor

2011-11-10T22:57:00.000-08:00

In photo booth words appear as if in a mirror I guess.

I am grateful that even when motherhood seems like a never ending cycle of sameness, once in a while you get to see all your consistent efforts producing some fruits.

Tonight Annie made a present for Santa. She put some candy in it for Santa and some for Mrs. C too. She also included a letter with her wish list on it. I was touched that she would think to give a gift to Santa rather than just sending the normal Gimme list.

Here is what her letter to Santa said with original spelling and punctuation:

Dear Santa,
We are running low on money so I might have expensive things on my list. Here it is, #1. a kareoky machine, #2 Wii Games, #3 a spy kit, #4 a detective kit, #5 any kind of American doll furniture, (Including a bed.) #6 some teaching tools to play with, #7 an ipad, #8 a dounut making kit, #8 And 6 dounuts with it from Krispy Kreme, #9 An officul gide, (Poptropica) #10 A ride with you to see the sights (But only for 9 minutes.)

Thank you Santa!
Love from,
Annie

P.S. Please tell Mrs. Claus that I said hello!
She also drew a cute picture of a present all wrapped up with a tag "To Annie from Santa." I just love this girl and her wishes and dreams both big and small.

Great Neighbors

2011-11-09T23:04:00.000-08:00

Tonight I am thankful for great neighbors. I went to our HOA meeting tonight. My neighbors elected me to be on the board. I hope I can find a good balance between doing what is best for the community as a whole and being lenient and merciful to those who have specific concerns.

For the most part, I have wonderful neighbors who are helpful to me and tolerant of me and all my crazy crew. I am grateful beyond words for both my neighbor friends who help me and give me sanity on my crazy days and for my silent and keep to themselves neighbors who tolerate our craziness.

Phoenix Store Open!

2011-11-08T21:03:00.000-08:00

If you live in Phoenix, head on over the Metrocenter at I-17 and Peoria and visit my brother in law Stephen at LaptopXchange. He is lonely ;). He is open Monday - Saturday 10am - 7pm. He will hook you up with a great deal on a new laptop. He has some sweet Apples in there and great tablets too. Do a little early Christmas shopping!

You can see the photos of the new store on Facebook HERE:

Check out two of my little girls Annie and Lauren in one of their commercials. Watch Lauren rolling her eyes!

I am grateful my husband is gainfully employed.

What I Did...

2011-11-07T23:44:00.000-08:00

So after I saw Noble and laughed for a minute thoughts began racing through my mind. What are we going to do? I asked Jon. His very predictable response was, "He is 2! Who cares what he wears. Let's go!"

Now part of me agreed with Jonathan. It was more important to be THERE than to be appropriately dressed. But there was that other prideful part of me that I try not to listen to telling me how mortified I would feel walking in with my 2 year old in camo pjs. Mother of the Year here remember??? Awesome.

But it was 11:01 when we arrived. By now probably 11:03. Church starts at 11 prompt. Even though home is only a 3 minute drive there is still the unbuckling and finding the clothes and getting them on a very tired little boy. (Daylight savings time was that morning and his normal nap starts at 11 and so it was like noon to him.) Oh and there would be finding socks in the sock bin too.

We are usually done with the sacrament by 20 after. I knew if I turned right around I would miss the sacrament. That is just not something I wanted to do. You see when I was 17 I lived in a small town in Spain as a foreign exchange student. I didn't get to go to church for about 2 months. The closest church was like 30 miles away and my host family didn't see a need to drive me to church.

I really missed having the opportunity to renew my baptismal covenants each week. I felt that loss more keenly than I can possibly convey with words. While there I made a personal and solemn promise to my Heavenly Father that I would never again miss taking the sacrament if I could help it. I just would not take for granted the blessing it is to be so close and have that opportunity to be clean again each week.

In the 19 years since then I have only once missed taking the sacrament for reasons other than normal legitimate things like sickness or new baby or sick kid. It was when I was in college. I just was tired and I slept through it. I felt so bad. I knew better. Really, I felt as bad as if I had committed some major sin. I repented of that mistake and doubly vowed it would never happen again.

So with that background, I was not about to miss taking the sacrament because of my pride about what my kid was or wasn't wearing. And sending Jon home... that wouldn't not have happened. (I think he secretly wishes he could get away with wearing Camo PJs to church.)

So I swallowed my pride and began searching the car for lost shoes. It is not uncommon to find random lost shoes in my car. I managed to find a pair of Noble's old Croc's in the back row. Score!

I got Noble out and as we entered the church building with everyone all dressed up my embarrassment creeped up on me. So I picked Noble up and wrapped my coat around him to hide his PJs and we walked into sacrament meeting. (They had just finished the opening prayer and were starting the sacrament hymn.)

Luckily no one gasped or even gave me a surprised or funny look as Noble settled into our pew. I was a little surprised by that. I expected a few giggles. But our ward is awesome and not judgmental.

As we got through the sacrament hymn I found Noble being a bit harder to keep reverent than normal. Part of that was likely the time change and no nap. But I do think kids act better when they are dressed up. So I pulled out the new Friend magazine I brought to entertain Noble and sat him on my lap to look for Jesus in it.

One of the first articles we turned to caught my eye. It was all about a boy who was having a hard time being reverent until he got a new church shirt that looked like his dad's and then his "reverent" shirt helped him to be reverent in church just like dad. I read part of this to Noble and pointed out how all the men had ties on and white shirts.

Noble was telling me the colors of all the ties he saw. I asked him if he wanted to go home and get his tie on. He said he did. So as soon as the sacrament was over, he and I left Jonathan with the baby and the girls and went to go get his church clothes. He was excited to get his church pants and shirt and tie and shoes.

It took us about 20 minutes round trip. I was sad to miss some of the testimonies. There was a really good spirit in the meeting when we returned and I would like to have heard some of the other testimonies referenced. I am not sure whether it was more important to stay and be spiritual fed or take Noble home and teach him about how are clothes show our respect and help remind us to be reverent. But I ended up going with plan B.

I did get a really good laugh out of the experience and I will definitely be more careful to make sure EVERYONE is getting or being gotten ready from now on. :)

And my gratitude thought -- I am grateful to live 3 minutes from a church where I can go on Sunday and renew my baptismal covenants and once again be made clean and recommit to live the Lord's commandments and remember my Savior. That really is huge and I feel incredibly blessed in that way.

"Church Clothes"

2011-11-06T21:16:00.000-08:00

This morning as we started getting everyone ready for church, I thought, "I am going to put Harrison in real church clothes today." You see normally Harrison wears a nice pair of pajamas to church. He is just a baby and it is easy for him to wear some comfy footed pjs. But it has been cold and he is getting bigger. So this morning, I thought I would put him in this nice cool weather 6-12 month outfit on him.

I got him all dressed to the nines. He looked so darn cute in his little church outfit. I gave him to Jonathan, who had just finished getting all spiffed up himself, and went to go get ready for church. I took 20 minutes or so getting myself dressed up and ready for church, then I heard Jon downstairs, "Time to get in the car and go!"

The kids all rushed downstairs. I made a few last minute tweaks to my outfit and headed down stairs too. Jon was grabbing last minute things. "The kids are all in the car. I got the baby in the car but he is crying so let's hurry." I grabbed the church bag with our Friend magazines and some crayons for Noble and jumped in the car to do my make up.

I finished my make up on the 3 minute commute to church. We pulled into church and parked. Doors to the minivan opened and we started piling out. This is how cute my baby looked with his Daddy in their big boy "Church Clothes."

SO cute huh?!

Then I went to go get Noble unbuckled from his car seat. Here is what I found:

I guess we both forgot to get Noble dressed. I assumed Jon was doing that while I got dressed. He assumed I had done it since I actually got the baby dressed. In the end, when Jon yelled for the kids to pile in the car, they did, including Noble, in his Army Guy Pajamas ... no shoes. He piled in the car. Annie buckled him up. Jon and I never looked all the way in the back to check his clothes.

Jon and I laughed so hard. Camo Pjs for Church! Awesome!

Today I am thankful for clothes. I am not the "best dressed" person in my ward, or street, or house. Truth is I wouldn't be surprised or offended if someone turned me into "What not to Wear." I just don't or haven't shopped for clothes for myself in a really long time. But I am grateful for the clothes I do have. They keep me warm. They cover my body. And a few of them are even somewhat cute. I am grateful to have them. I guess I should also say I am grateful for my sister since about 50-75% of my clothes are hand me downs from her (most of the cute ones.)

p.s. I am a little curious. What would you have done if you had been me this morning?
A) Taken him to church in the pjs. No biggie. He is only 2.
B) Gone to take the sacrament then taken him home and changed him into church clothes.
C) Take him home to change him after sacrament meeting.
D) Turn right around and change him then come back.

Be honest. You can make your comment anon if you wish. I am really curious about what others would have done. I will tell you what I did after I read a few of your comments.

Mothers

2011-11-05T22:49:00.000-07:00

How do I choose just one thing to write about in my list of that for which I am grateful? So many things run through my mind. But I am only going to pick one to note tonight. As I have been thinking of my friends who just had their mother pass away just a few short weeks ago, I think tonight I will say I am grateful for mothers.

I am grateful to have the wonderful mother I do have. I beyond indebted to her for all she has taught me and sacrificed for me and physically and emotionally done to bare and raise me and continue to nurture and guide me in my adult life. I still need my mother. I am not sure there will ever be a time in my life that I won't feel like I need her anymore. Even after she is one day gone, I am sure I will still feel like I need her guidance and wisdom and reassurance. I am grateful to have her still with me and in the same city where I can see her often. I am grateful she has good health and is active and able. She is one of the greatest blessings of my life.

I am grateful for a loving and kind and wonderful mother in law. I am so grateful for her example and service and love for me and my family. I am grateful for her sacrifice and work to raise my husband and prepare such a wonderful young man for his life as a husband and father. I am grateful for her good health and all that she does to still care for us and all her children.

I am grateful to be alive and be able to be a mother to my children. Thinking and hearing about my friend's family trying to get along day by day without her now, I just am so grateful to be here and be healthy and able to fill my role as mother to my family.

I am grateful for good mothers everywhere who love and sacrifice and serve their children. For those of you who are doing it now, everyday, preparing your children to be stable, well loved, responsible, virtuous friends and potential future mates for my own children.

I am grateful for mothers who mother deliberately.

Noble

2011-11-04T21:10:00.000-07:00

Noble is 2 ½ and his speech is improving daily. Tonight Ihad an interesting conversation with him. I was putting him to bed and askinghim who loved him the most. As usual he kept saying “EEa.” That is his name forSabrina. I kept saying “NO! Mama!” and he would laugh and laugh.

Then I told him I wanted to tell him a story. We often pointto pictures of Camille and he knows the pictures are “Camille” but we haven’treally told him much about where she is or what happened. So tonight I told himthat before he was born he had a big sister named Camille. She was a littlebaby girl and we all loved her. One very sad day a bad thing happened andCamille got hurt and she died. Mommy was very sad and she cried all the daylong every day. Then one day a baby got into mama’s tummy. The baby grew andgrew and then finally it came out. This baby made Mama happy again. That baby was Noble. That is why Mamaloves Noble more than anyone else does, because Noble made Mama happy again.

I am grateful for Noble. For the balm of Gilead he is to mysoul. For his joy and love and LIFE. I have no doubt that he knows Camille andwas meant to follow her into this family. I can feel the connection betweenthem as if it were a tangible thing. I am grateful to have him to hold andsqueeze and love. I feel as if by doing so am I am also holding and squeezingand loving her too.

Jonathan

2011-11-03T22:47:00.000-07:00

I am thankful for Jonathan. I am thankful that he is ambitious and driven and strong headed and highly intelligent and full of integrity and humble and spiritual and patient with me and funny and loving.

He is not a perfect man. But he is a perfect fit for me. Our imperfections and faults are ones we can handle while we work to improve them. He is so patient with me in mine. He is endlessly giving and loving to me.

I feel blessed to be sealed to him for all eternity as his spouse. I still often thank my Heavenly Father for the miracle He performed to bring us together and turn Jonathan's heart to me.

Jonathan is my partner, my love, my teacher, my support, and my very best and closest friend. I am grateful for Jonathan.

Between the Bread and Laundry

2011-11-02T22:30:00.000-07:00

Bread and Laundry. Those were the two great accomplishments of the day. I made 7 loaves of homemade 100% whole wheat bread with flour I ground myself just prior to making the bread. I finished washing and sorted and folded a literal mountain of laundry. All told I am sure it was 10 loads worth, though I will admit I lost count.

But those gigantic tasks are not the what I want to remember about this day. I want to remember how cute Lauren did her hair tonight after her shower with a low side ponytail and a little bow up by her temple. I want to remember her telling me that on Saturday after Dad gets up she wants to get an hour with me just to snuggle because she "never" gets time with me.

I want to remember my Ann Marie standing next to Lauren as she told her tale of woe, nodding with drama and flair. I want to remember the play she wrote, complete with stage directions, and asked me to type up so she and her sisters could preform it. I want to remember her grumpy face in the car when I was tickling her arm and telling her not to laugh no matter what.

I want to remember the sound of my son Noble saying "sorry mama!" when ever he does something wrong. The way he says it sounds so much older and so nonchalant. Like "get over it Mama." I love that he says it so readily and without prompting. I want to remember his speech getting so clear and distinct. I want to remember his sentences coming together correctly for the first time and the first time he uses new and big words.

I want to remember watching Sabrina walk out of school and not hearing me calling out to her from my car to wave hello as she headed to her ride to piano and I picked up Lauren to go to dance. I want to remember how engrossed she was in her book, that she just kept on walking, nose in the book, straight ahead without hearing me call her at all. I want to remember spying on her through the window at the end of her piano lesson with her back straight and her hands making lovely music.

I want to remember my little Harrison learning to scoot forward and getting up on hands and knees in an almost crawl. I want to remember his cute smile with spread out teeth and smiling eyes. I want to remember the way he grabs my hair on the back of my head when I hold him on my hip. I want to remember the look on his face at his first bite of mashed potatoes tonight at dinner.

Years will pass and there will always be laundry to wash and sort and fold. I will keep making my bread for years to come. But these miracles living in my house ... they will grow and change and then leave. I want to remember them ... as they are TODAY ... in all their little quirks and cuteness. I want to remember the magic that happens between the bread and laundry.

Tonight I am thankful for this blog and for all those who read it. This blog has been such a tool to help me heal when I have been hurting. And you readers have kept me writing even when I haven't been hurting. The writing keeps me present in my motherhood while creating a history as well. So thank you. Thank you for your prayers and support and love and understanding and thank you for reading and sharing this journey with me.

Motherhood Chapter 24: Teaching Gratitude

2011-11-01T20:48:00.000-07:00

With the commencement of November, I have turned my thoughts to gratitude. As I mentioned in my previous post, I will be adding a bit of gratitude on my blog every day this month. This morning, I decided to include my family in the endeavor as I sat the family down for our morning devotional minute.

Each morning after morning prayers, each member of our family is going to note something they are grateful for. It has to be a different thing than they have said yet this month. I hope this will help turn the thoughts of my children even more toward the blessings they have been given.

Gratitude is such an important lesson to teach our children. I am curious about the ways different people teach their children this important virtue. I will share a few things I have started at my home. But I do not profess to be any sort of expert on this subject. Frankly, I am sure I could use the tips more than others. I would like my children to increase in their gratitude. I would like them to think of gratitude more naturally, on their own.

So, PLEASE share your comments on how you teach your children gratitude.

One simple way I have tried with Noble is to point out things I have done for him and ask him to thank me. For example, after I change his diaper I will say something like, "Isn't it nice to be clean Noble? Wasn't that nice of Mommy to change your diaper for you? Can you tell Mommy thank you?"

Noble always tells me thank you. I wish I had done this with all my kids. I feel like it has made Noble just a bit more gratitude minded.

Other than this one simple tip, I can only say that we have family home evening meetings on this subject. We express gratitude in our prayers. I try to remind the kids to express gratitude for thing people give them or do for them like any normal parent does.

Let me know if you have any tips for me. I am sure I will be "grateful" for them.

Tonight I am grateful for the change in me that made me hug Noble when I was mad that he broke my cup instead of grab him in a mean way. I owe that to Camille. Thank you.

Bah Humbug

2011-10-31T22:05:00.000-07:00

I have been a total Halloween Scrooge this year. Halloween is usually one of my favorite holidays. I love the bit of fright and the delight of dressing up. But somehow this year I feel like I have just been doing well to keep my head above water. So I never did put up a single fall or Halloween decoration. Jon was never around enough to get them down from the garage and I wasn't about to attempt it alone.

I also did not get Halloween costumes for anyone this year. So I really don't have cute photos of my clever costumes to show. Instead I will show you what THEY came up with themselves when I told them that if they wanted costumes they would have to find something in our house and make it work.

Elizabeth and Morgan's kids were some cute skeletons!

Sabrina was Velma from Scooby Doo. Lauren was Daphne (or her interpretation of what she thought Daphne should wear.) Annie was Hermione. And Noble wore a hand me down Horse costume and his cowboy PJs underneath. That worked well when he got hot in the horse outfit. We just took it off and he was the cowboy that the horse had swallowed. I didn't do any costume for Harrison. He would have fit in Camille's pea pod outfit. But it seemed more hassle than it was worth to get it out for him.

Another thing I just didn't do this year was put on my neighborhood block party. With all I had going on, it just was too much. I felt like a big old Scrooge about this holiday, but I think my kids had fun. They still got to go to lots of Halloween events. We went to their school Harvest Festival. I took them by myself to our church Trunk or Treat since Jon had to work late that day. I wasn't going to even go because it gives me major anxiety trying to keep track of everyone by myself at such things. But then Sabrina came downstairs in her "costume" she put together and she had options for Lauren to wear to be Daphne... I just can't resist my kids sometimes. So I piled them all in the car and took them to that.

Then this last week we went to California to visit my brothers and their families. The kids got to go to their cousin's school Halloween party and their church Trunk or Treat. And then they got to go trick or treating tonight.

I will pull myself together enough to get festive for Christmas. That is one holiday that actually matters to me. It is about so much more than just fun and candy. So even if Jon isn't around to help me decorate, I will hire someone to help if I have to. I have already signed up to host Thanksgiving for my family. That will get me in the Spirit of things.

Halloween is done. I have no decorations to put away. (that is one bonus.) And I have the memories of watching Noble really "get" trick or treating for the first time. That is priceless. Watching him "learn" as he walked around the trunk or treat picking suckers out of the bowls of candy people held out for him to choose from was sweet. Hearing him say "trick or treat" and "thank you" to all those people was a treasure.

And best of all was him walking up to other little kids with their own "baskets of goodies" and him reaching in to grab his choice from their "bowl" and saying thank you. Hey it is just another person with a big pot of candy for me to choose from right? I wish I had a photo of the little girl's face he did that to. It was priceless. She was probably about 3. I had to teach him really quickly that we only "trick or treat" to adults that are offering candy, not kids with candy bags.

Onward and Upward. Time to get Thankful. That is one I can get into. Time for my post a day on things I am grateful for. Every day in November I will be posting something about gratitude. Sometimes it will just be a sentence at the end of an unrelated post. Somedays it may be a one word post. Somedays it maybe a full out post on its own. Hope it will help spread the feeling of gratitude to you all and especially highlight the feeling of gratitude in my own heart.

May as well start tonight. Tonight I am grateful for silly, trivial, traditions we have in holidays like Halloween. They bring a measure of joy to us here in this life. And more poignantly, I am grateful for the faith I have in greater joys to come in the life beyond. As I watch the little children in their cute costumes going from home to home and I wonder what my little 4 year old would have wanted to be and what kind of trick or treating personality she would have had, I am grateful for the thought that comes to my mind. "This is a simple joy of this life. But if you could know the joys to come with Camille, you would have no sorrow at missing out on this with her." And I am even more grateful that I believe it.

Motherhood Chapter 23: Do vs. Be

2011-10-24T20:51:00.000-07:00

Last night as I was getting ready for bed I was dreading another day of a million mundane tasks. Then as I thought through my "to do list" I realized that I might be better off to make a "to BE" list. As I thought through how my "Dos" should and could become "Bes" my perspective changed and I didn't find my list of things to do so mundane after all. Here is my "do list" with its corresponding "be list" following it.

My To Do List for Tomorrow:
1-Wake up the kids
2-Make smoothies for breakfast
3-Read Scriptures to the kids
4-Make lunches
5-Drive everyone to school
6-Exercise with them at Milers Club
7-Go Grocery shopping
8-Make soup for Lesli's baby shower and dinner tonight
9-Prepare ingredients for salad for shower
10-Package and hide truffles for shower so kids don't eat them :)
11-Feed the boys
12-Put the boys down for naps
13-Shower
14-Look into learning Japanese
15-Look for shirts for family photos
16-Buy Bread bowls for soup at Bread and Butter
17-Do homework with the kids
18-Get Halloween costumes together
19-Do Lauren's hair in curlers for picture day
20-Pick out picture day outfit with Lauren
21-Take a photo that marks my day
22-Blog
23-Read my Scriptures
24-Pray (morning and evening/alone and with family)
25-Go to sleep

My Be List for Tomorrow:
1-Be the sunshine that wakes my kids up on the "right" side of the bed
2-Be healthy
3-Be obedient to the counsel of the prophets
4-Be a servant of the Lord by serving others
5-Be cheerful and positive
6-Be an example of happiness by doing those things I must to be happy myself
7-Be a wise steward of our money
8-Be a multi-tasker
9-Be prepared
10-Be sneakily smart
11-Be nurturing
12-Be structured
13-Be clean
14-Be a life long learner
15-Be creative
16-Be supportive
17-Be helpful
18-Be fun and festive
19-Be loving
20-Be patient
21-Be present
22-Be thoughtful
23-Be nourished by the Good Word
24-Be in touch with Spirit of the Lord
25-Be wise

I wrote this all up last night and today it has made a world of difference in my attitude. I really focused to BE the kind of mother I wanted to be with each task. You will note that each task is paired with a specific "be" that I knew would help me "do" the task better and "be" more the mother I want to be.

I think I will do "be lists" more often and make them right along side my "do lists."
Here is my photo for the day:

Lauren and Harrison

Reluctant

2011-10-23T21:45:00.000-07:00

It is with reluctance that I write this post. I am not entirely sure why. I should not be ashamed or embarrassed by my feelings. Yet somehow the further away I get from June 13, 2008, the harder it is for me to open up and tell anyone when I am having a hard day.

Today I have had a hard day. I think of Camille everyday. She is so much a part of my being. Thoughts of her are behind every other thought I have or comment I make. Most days those thoughts are not charged with emotion. They are just passing thoughts.

But there are other days, like today, where I feel the pull of that part of my heart that has passed on to the great beyond. I feel the absence left there. I long to visit that part of my heart and have it fit back in its rightful place.

Some days I just plain miss her. Most days I don't let myself go to that place where I think in depth about my sweet baby girl. Most days I let the thoughts pass on through without holding on to them to feel my way through them. Maybe some other people would never let these birds of sorrow nest in their minds. I know other people who live daily with these birds of sorrow as their constant companions. That is the way other people find their way through grief.

But I am not other people. I am just me. And I have found my own way through grief by letting the birds come visit on occasion and sing me their mournful melody of loss and longing. Today I sat still and listened.

As the primary children put on our church program, I thought of how this would have been Camille's first year having a part at the big podium. I wondered what kind of personality she would have showed. Would she have been shy in front of the big crowd with a small voice like Lauren or would she have milked the crowd's attention like Ann Marie?

As I sat during choir practice making eyes at Harrison I felt as though I could have been looking at Camille. The older he gets the more he resembles her. It is a good thing he is a boy and wearing all different clothes. It is bitter sweet to look at him and see them both right before me.

My sweet Camille. How I wish I could fly to visit you for an hour or two and then return to my life here. I ache to be near you. Our family will never feel whole while you are not with us. Yet I have sure faith that this time for us to be apart is only temporary and the day will come when we are reunited. Knowing that as I do, I also know that it behoves me to live as fully as I can in this short span of time I have called mortal life. I ought not to waste away my limited time drowning my spirit in the sorrow of our separation. For it will be, after all, but a small moment some day. But forgive me if on occasion I sit and sing along with the sorrow birds and allow them to stay a while in the branches of my soul. Somehow their mournful visits keep you alive in me.

Turbo Boosted Out of the Funk

2011-10-19T22:56:00.000-07:00

Thank you all for your input on how to pull out of the funk. I have been putting most of the suggestions into practice. I am not a photographer. I actually don't like taking photos. I like having them. I just don't love taking them. But I love the suggestion of making yourself take a few photos everyday to document life as a mother and the wonder in the everyday. I may have to try doing that. I think it would really help me see the joy in the everyday routine better.

A surprise I found on my bed as I was about to retire compels me to start now. I must give a little background to set the stage so my full emotions can come through.

Tonight I was a bit late getting everyone to bed. I think I had to tell everyone to go to bed about 1000 times. :) But it is hard for me to be too insistent about it when they are staying up because they are practicing their violin without being asked or cleaning something without being told to.

The last two nights I have let Annie and then Sabrina sleep with me as Jonathan was out of town. Lauren was hoping to get to sleep with me tonight but Jonathan came home just as they were finally getting in bed. I felt sorry for her disappointment and promised to let her sleep with me sometime soon.

So in sum, it has been another night of putting kids down in the routine daily do without much special going on and a few tears of disappointment from Lauren at not being able to sleep with Mom tonight.

Imagine how my heart felt seeing and reading this note on my bed, written by my little 6 year old Lauren:

LaLa is our nickname for her.

I will transcribe the note as she wrote it for you. Any necessary translations will be in italics.

To: Mommy
Love: LaLa

Dear: Mommy
I love you soo much. Thack you for takeing such good care of us all the years and wen Dad was gon.
I like to be helffole helpful a lot.
I like to spend time with you a lot.
When I grow up I want to have the same job like you.
being a mom.
love Lauren
To: Mom

I am humbled. I am almost at a loss for words. I will have to make arrangements to spend a night sleeping with Lauren really soon. If ever there was a way to turbo boost me out of funk, this sweet, unsolicited note from my little girl is surely it. This is the payment for the job of motherhood and boy does it make all the daily dos worth it.

Funky place

2011-10-18T21:40:00.000-07:00

I have been in a bit of a funk lately. You know these times when your daily routine just seems so ... routine. It is so easy to forget the powerful role you fulfill as a mother when it is such a long term, round the clock job.

I get lonely for adult company. Especially right now when Jonathan has been working 18 hour days and is currently out of town working to get the Phoenix store open.

But even in my funk I am constantly grateful for the blessing of my children and the privilege I have of being a full time mother to them. It is hard to remember how short this time is with them in my home when I am living it every day. But seeing Sabrina growing into a young woman before my eyes and seeing Harrison hit every milestone reminds me how quickly this precious time will fly by.

So this morning I forced myself to get out of my warm bed and put on my running shoes and hit the treadmill. I ran for 15 minutes straight (which I haven't done in a long time.) And all the way I kept telling myself that this was for my head more than my body. And it helped. So did having my mom come visit and making dinner for a friend who is not feeling well.

And so I work to pull my spirits out of the funky zone. Do you ever get in this funky place? How do you best pull yourself out?

Simple Joy

2011-10-12T22:44:00.000-07:00

We have taken a couple trips to the cabin the past couple of months. We went at the end of summer with several of Jon's siblings. Our last day there a friend of ours up there took Jon and Sabrina fishing in his boat on Panguich Lake. Jon had never caught a fish. I guess I should say, Jon has never caught a fish. Sabrina had never been fishing. She caught 4 fish. Jon caught none.

We had trout for lunch when they came back and it was the best trout I have ever eaten. Fresh makes a huge difference with trout.

While our friend taught Jon and Sabrina how to clean the fish, Noble found the pump let off a bit of a spray of water where it connected to the hose.

He had so much fun running through this little spray and climbing up on the rocks around the pump to put his hands in the water.

Children are such good examples of finding joy in the little things. Why can't we be more like them that way? Just look at this face:

All that joy from a little spray of water. Maybe I need to go run through some sprinklers. Might do me a bit of good. :)

Though I must say I did get quite a bit of joy running with my kids at milers club this morning at the school, and eating an amazing ham and cheese sandwich at Bread & Butter this evening for dinner. The salad I had was also delicious but the sandwich... melt in your mouth ham and Tillamook cheddar on a pretzel bun with mustard butter. Come on. It tasted even better than it sounded.

Oh and there was the simple joy of the chocolate pudding for dessert. Chris' chocolate pudding is like rich dark chocolatey velvet. It brings a smile to my face just remembering how yummy it was for dessert tonight. Okay maybe I do get joy from some seemingly simple things.

Have you been to Bread & Butter to try it out yet? What did you think? I am getting the Ham and Cheese again next time I go for sure.

Surprise

2011-10-11T22:27:00.000-07:00

When I was a little kid, one of my favorite things to do was to wake up early and set the table for breakfast as a surprise for my mom. I loved doing little surprises like that for members of my family.

As my kids have gotten a little older I have been overjoyed to see they have picked up on this "tradition" as well.

Last week we had a trip planned to go to the cabin right after school. We had packed the kids in a laundry bin the night before. (I almost always pack in laundry bins and bring an extra to use as a dirty clothes bin. It makes it so easy to just take the clothes straight to the laundry room and wash when we get home.)

So the morning of our trip I woke up and found this note on the island in the kitchen:

It reads: Dear Waite Family, We have done this little gift for you. We hope you like it. It is payback for all the good things you have done for us. From, Secret Santa Elves PS. Look in the back of your car!!

I went to my car and opened the trunk to find this:

Sweet little secret elves (Lauren's idea and master mind and Sabrina's brawn and writing ability) had put our stuff in the car ready to go on our trip.

It is good for me to highlight and keep in mind these little bright spots in my life as a mother of young children. So often I have days, like today, where I get weighed down by all the needs being drawn from me. It can often seem like everyone has an urgent need for my attention or care all at once. Sometimes it makes me feel lonely while simultaneously claustrophobic with so many little people on top of me.

I am grateful tonight for my little Lauren who in the middle of a stressful night "got carried away" helping me and couldn't help herself but just had to help me anyway her little 6 year old self could. Her sweet willingness and persistent desire to help me was a bright light to me tonight. I love my children and tonight I especially love my Lauren and the bright example of service she is to me even when I am grouchy.

Forget me nots

2011-10-10T09:26:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite talks from our weekend of General Conference where we hear from our general church leadership came the weekend before in the women's broadcast. These are talks meant for the women of the church. Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf of the First Presidency gave a talk about the flower named "forget me not."

He talked about five points not to forget in pattern with the five petals of the forget me not flower. The part of his talk that hit me the most was the fifth point he hit that we should not forget. It is really worth listening to the power in his voice when he gives the talk. You can listen to it HERE if you like. But here is what he said that hit me with great force.

"As a child, when I would look at the little forget-me-nots, I sometimes felt a little like that flower—small and insignificant. I wondered if I would be forgotten by my family or by my Heavenly Father.

Years later I can look back on that young boy with tenderness and compassion. And I do know now—I was never forgotten.

And I know something else: as an Apostle of our Master, Jesus Christ, I proclaim with all the certainty and conviction of my heart—neither are you!

You are not forgotten.

Sisters, wherever you are, whatever your circumstances may be, you are not forgotten. No matter how dark your days may seem, no matter how insignificant you may feel, no matter how overshadowed you think you may be, your Heavenly Father has not forgotten you. In fact, He loves you with an infinite love.

Just think of it: You are known and remembered by the most majestic, powerful, and glorious Being in the universe! You are loved by the King of infinite space and everlasting time!

He who created and knows the stars knows you and your name—you are the daughters of His kingdom. The Psalmist wrote:

“When I consider thy heavens, the work of thy fingers, the moon and the stars, which thou hast ordained;

“What is man, that thou art mindful of him? …

“For thou hast made him a little lower than the angels, and hast crowned him with glory and honour.”⁵

God loves you because you are His child. He loves you even though at times you may feel lonely or make mistakes.

The love of God and the power of the restored gospel are redemptive and saving. If you will only allow His divine love into your life, it can dress any wound, heal any hurt, and soften any sorrow."

To this I would like to add my "AMEN!" or in other words, I also know this to be Truth.

Then yesterday I saw a beautiful print on a fun new blog that would look lovely in my blue room to remind me of this Truth.

How great is that? Go check out this cute new blog here!

Coming Soon AZ

2011-10-09T21:34:00.000-07:00

Dear Arizona Readers,

Coming soon to the Phoenix area is a new LaptopXchange. My husband and his brother Stephen are bringing the fabulous services of LaptopXchange to YOU!

So if you are in the market for a new laptop, ipad, or iphone or
If you have an old laptop you no longer use and are not sure what to do with, or
If you need to have your laptop, desktop, iphone, or ipad fixed

Head on over to LaptopXchange and let Stephen or one of the other friendly staff help you out! They sell used and refurbished laptops, tablets, and iphones. They also will buy your old mobile computing devices for cash or fix cracked screens or any other problems you have with your computers, phones or tablets.

This is the perfect way to get a GREAT deal on an exciting Christmas gift. Check it out!

We currently have 4 Las Vegas and Henderson locations, 1 in Lexington KY, and by the beginning of November we should have the Phoenix AZ location up and running. Future locations are also coming before the end of the year hopefully in Florida and Salt Lake City area. More to come on that when they open.

The Phoenix store will be located at the Metrocenter (I-17 and Peoria). It is next to Starbucks at 2827 West Peoria Ave. Suite 100-A in Phoenix. You can already see the banner outside the store front that says "coming soon ... LaptopXchange."

If you live in the area you will have to stop in and welcome my brother in law Stephen to your fine city. He moved down there from here to open the store.

***************************************
UPDATED: If you or someone you know is looking for a job and is personable and somewhat or very tech savvy, we will be hiring sales associates and tech repairs personal for the Phoenix store this week or next. I would love to have some trustworthy people working there. Email Stephen Waite at swaite at laptopxchange dot com. to apply and mention you heard about the job on "A Daily Scoop" or Stephanie's blog. It will give you a leg up on the competition. :)

Best Oatmeal Ever

2011-10-06T13:01:00.000-07:00

This morning I stopped by Bread & Butter for breakfast to go. My parents had told me how good it was and I have been dying to try it. So since I had to stop by that neighborhood, I swung by for some oatmeal and breakfast pizza.

Normally I am not a huge oatmeal fan. I mean it is okay but I am not craving oatmeal in the morning. That may just have changed. This was the best oatmeal I have ever had. It needed no sweetening or doctoring. But there are raisins, currants, and apricots to use as toppings. Each of the toppings were wonderful with it.

This is going to be my new old standby I think. You have to try it next time you are in the Seven Hills / Anthem / S. Eastern area.

The Breakfast pizza had potatoes, peppers, caramelized onions, and scrambled eggs. I had one piece and my hubby downed the rest. It was delish!

Bread and Butter is the new bakery/cafe my friend Chris Herrin has opened at 10940 S. Eastern on the northeast corner of Sunridge Heights and Eastern. It is so cute and the food is wonderful. They are currently open from 7-3 daily as they expand their menu and get a good working rhythm. Hours will expand once they get into a good groove.

Stop by if you are in the neighborhood and get some good eats!

Sleep Training

2011-10-05T22:16:00.000-07:00

My little Mr. Harrison is such a good baby in almost every way. The one area he qualifies as a "hard" baby would be his sleeping habits. He falls asleep pretty well but staying asleep is another story. I think he has only slept through the night about 5 times since he was born. Typically he is up about 3 times a night (11, 2, and 4 or 5).

Two nights ago he was up about 5 times between 11 pm and 4 am. I knew Jon was leaving town in the morning and I would be single moming it. So when he woke up again at 4 am after being tended to like 5 times in the last 5 hours I decided it was time to let him learn to self soothe. I just didn't think I could do all I needed to if I got up again with him.

So I turned on every fan in the house and went back to bed. When Jon got up at 5 to leave town, he told me Harrison was not asleep. (He was probably still crying.) As much as this kills me, because my mother heart hurts thinking of him crying all that time, I knew it was essential for me to function.

When I got the girls up at 6:30 he was asleep. He slept till about 7:30 and woke up happy. Last night I put him down around 7:30 and he slept till somewhere in the 3 am hour. I held myself back from going to nurse him because I wanted to build on the self soothing lesson from the previous night. So again I turned on the fans and went back to bed. The girls and I got up at 7 and he was still asleep. He woke up around 7:30 with a big smile on his face.

Sleep is so essential for we humans. It makes us in such a better mood. I am crossing my fingers that tonight will go well and perhaps by this weekend our little Harrison will have learned that when he wakes up in the night it is time to just roll over and go back to sleep. This is not one of those fun lessons to teach but it is so completely wonderful once it is learned.

Ask and Ye Shall Receive

2011-09-30T23:50:00.000-07:00

We picked the kids up straight from school to head out for our trip to the cabin. Lauren and Sabrina began expressing their hunger. Annie volunteered, "I packed a big lunch and I didn't eat it all. I have some snacks leftover." I asked if she would share. Happily she got her lunch pack and began showing her sisters what she had.

Jon and I were talking and listening to music. Then Annie asked us to turn off the music. We did. She began to pray. Jon and I were happy she remembered to have us pray to start our trip. She was far in the back of the van so we didn't catch all of what she said but I did hear a bit about us driving safe.

After her prayer we complimented her on remembering and thanked her for the prayer. She said, "Well you know how I thought about it was because Jesus had to feed those 5000 people with just a little bit of food so... " She was hoping her prayer would make her fruit roll up and chips expand to fill them all up. Jon and I smiled at each other. Yeah. That was just awesome. At least we know she is listening in Sunday school and trying to apply what she learns in her everyday life.

A few minutes later we stopped to gas up before leaving the city and Jon asked the girls if they wanted to pick some snacks from the mini mart. There was much rejoicing. As Annie left the car she noted that this was an answer to her prayer. And you know what ... as far as I am concerned, it pretty much was. One way or another. The Lord provides.

French Toast

2011-09-29T21:57:00.000-07:00

I stopped by Bread and Butter (my friend Chris Herrin's new bakery opening this Saturday) to give him a bakery "shower" gift I made. He has a butterfly themed ladies room. So I made a butterfly mosaic out of butter cartons. It was fun to make it with my mom helping draw the butterfly form for me to follow. I think it turned out cute.

After we made the project, Mom and I sampled several of the butters I bought to make the project. Our favorite is was Straus Family Creamery butter. So creamy and slightly sweet.

When we left, Chris gave us a test loaf of bread. I went home and made french toast. This was pure heaven. Fresh cage free brown eggs and milk, mexican vanilla and a bit of freshly grated nutmeg. I spread the French toast with some of that creamy Straus butter. Then to top it off I took some of the fresh Utah peaches my mom gave me and made a chunky syrup out of them to pour over the top. It was the best French Toast I had ever made. Chris's bread had such a nice crust to it and just the perfect amount of sour dough flavoring to be good as French Toast.

I am excited for his bakery to open but I am a little afraid that it is going to be super counter productive for my diet. Good thing it is not around the corner from my house or I would really be in trouble.

This week has been full of doing things for others. Our ward fed the homeless this week at a local food kitchen. Some ladies and I took dinner for 40 to the Bench family tonight as they gather and prepare for the funeral tomorrow. We have been coordinating for people who want to do something to help that family. It feels good to serve and give till you really feel it. It stretches you. It is like that good kind of burn when you are working out. It is the kind of hurt you want to feel because you know it is doing something. You are growing and changing and making a difference, even if the difference is mainly in your own soul.

It has been an incredibly busy week, a hard week, a tiring week, but all in a good way.

Prayers Needed

2011-09-25T08:44:00.000-07:00

I just got a call waking me up to tell me that Lisa Bench, our former Primary president in the former version of our ward, past away last night. She was in her early forties and the mother of 7 beautiful children. Her husband is the bishop of their current ward. I found out last night she was not doing well after complications from a surgery she had the day before.

Last night before I went to bed I prayed earnestly for her and for her family. I had a sense of peace concerning the matter. At the time I thought, "I wonder if this is the kind of peace that means she will get better or the kind like we felt when Camille was in the hospital and we finally prayed to see if it was right to let her go. I guess either way it is the kind of peace that tells me she and her family are in the Lord's hands. What more can we ask for at such a time?"

I feel so heart broken for her family today. Lisa was an amazing woman and fabulous mother. She had a smile that lit up any room she entered. I looked up to her as a role model. She was one of those mothers that I can honestly say I look to in a hope to be a little more like them in one way or another.

If you have a moment, say a prayer for the Bench family today. Say a prayer for daughter who was married just a couple of years ago, for her son who just came home from his mission, for her son who is serving his mission in Guatemala, for her son who is preparing to serve his mission, for her two little daughters and one little son who must now be between the ages of 4 and 8. And then say a prayer for Bishop Bench. Oh how my heart hurts for them.

Lose it

2011-09-23T20:15:00.000-07:00

My neighbors have turned me on to a great tool in my effort to lose my baby weight. It is a website called Lose It at loseit.com. It is free. Love that. You enter your weight and height and all that and it will help you track your calories to help you lose weight.

I have been doing Weight Watchers and have doing well. I am down to my last 5 lbs. But these 5 have been stubborn and my motivation has been waning. Lose it is similar in many ways as it has you track what you eat and your exercise. But the part I love about Lose it is the network of friends.

You see with Lose it (and yes it has a mobile app) you add your friends to it and then they can see what you eat and how much you exercise. They also can see how much you gain or lose. Talk about accountability. I love it. I have been so inspired by my neighbors who have lost 22 and 34 lbs. They are doing so great. Right now they are the only friends I have on Lose it.

Are any of you on Lose it? If so I would love to add you as friend. My email is stephaniewaite at gmail dot com. So go check it out and add me as a friend if you sign up. We can help each other!

please note that I have not been compensated or contacted by lose it. i just share what i love.

Quote of the Day

2011-09-21T11:02:00.000-07:00

Yesterday morning Lauren came down dressed for school in some brightly multi colored striped leggings and brightly different multi colored flowered shirt. It didn't go. Usually I let my kids pick what they wear. Only when their outfit clashes so badly that it hurts me to look at it do I send them to change. This was one of those outfits.

So I told Lauren that her outfit was too busy and she needed to change either the top or bottom. Then Sabrina looked at her and said, "That is like a disco ball gone wrong." I asked her where she heard that. She made it up just then. It was a pretty accurate description.

Of course with as busy as my morning was yesterday, getting balloons to take to the hospital and getting Sabrina to school early for choir, I didn't get Lauren to change so everyone at school got to enjoy her "disco ball" outfit. Cheers to you all at our elementary school!

Walking Memory Lane

2011-09-20T23:04:00.000-07:00

It has been incredibly busy around here lately. Life gets that way I suppose. But this month has been heavy for my husband at work. We are opening a LaptopXchange store in the Phoenix area in a couple of weeks. Jon's brother will be moving down there with his wife to run it. With that and a few other major duties to attend to at work, I have been more on my own than ever with keeping our family running.

Yesterday was particularly crazy. The kids got home from school and did their homework and one went to a friends house and a friend came over. Right after I ate my dinner Annie got dropped off from being at a friends house and I fed Harrison. He doesn't like green beans. He was gagging on them and threw them up. The phone rang as I was cleaning him up. We couldn't find a phone (like always). Finally I just went to the one phone we have that is not cordless and picked it up.

It was the mom who dropped Annie off. As she was leaving she saw a little neighbor girl friend of ours get into a collision with a car. She had been riding her bike. The long and short of it is that she is okay. I didn't know that then and if was rather unsettling news. Her dad had taken her to the ER and I went over to bring the other kids to my house.

Luckily, our little friend will heal up just fine. She did have to stay the night in the hospital for observation though. The driver of the car is another friend of mine - one of my former young women at church (now a sophomore in college with a daughter of her own.) This morning I took her over to the hospital see our little friend. They don't know each other but I know them both. We took balloons to bring a bit of cheer.

I had seen my little friend briefly the night before in the ER and she looked so good. I knew it would do my driver friend good to see how well the biker was. She was at the hospital where Camille and Noble were born. It is also the one where Camille died.

What I didn't expect as I went there this morning was to be going to the PICU to visit our little friend. Her injuries weren't life threatening. She would be leaving in a matter of hours. Stitches and a broken bone and a bump on the head. So I was taken back when walking to her room I found myself walking that same hallway I had walked so many times in June 2008.

Further down the hall we walked and I just kept praying that it would not be the same room. Luckily our little friend was about 5 doors away from that room where my baby spent her last days on this Earth. Still even three years plus later I could not stop the physical reaction my body had to walking down that hall once more.

I am so grateful my little friend is happy and well. While we visited with her a clown came to "inspect her smile." It was such a nice thing. There were no clowns around when we were there. There were no smiles to inspect I guess.

But as I walked the hallway on our way out, I looked down to the end of the hall to that room where I transitioned into a bereaved mother. I remembered the cold of the room and the hallways. I could almost taste the salt on my face from all the tears I cried in those three days we spent there. And it felt almost like hallowed ground. Those three days were the hardest of my life. But they were sacred in a way too. Still, I hope I never have to walk those halls again.

10+1=11

2011-09-15T13:22:00.000-07:00

Mark your calendars my fellow Las Vegans. 10.1.11 is the opening date for drum roll please...

Bread & Butter

the Restaurant.

What is that? I am glad you asked. Remember my friend Chris Herrin?

I introduced him in THIS POST just a couple of weeks after Camille's passing. He is the pastry chef friend you have all heard me talk about or seen me write about. He used to be the head pastry chef at Thomas Keller's Bouchon Bistro in the Venetian Hotel here. Well, a little over a year ago Chris left Bouchon to pursue his dream of opening his own place.

For the past year or so he has been running the Famous Lulu's on the Move Food truck for Metro Pizza while he has been making preparations to open his own breakfast, lunch and bakery place. And the time is drawing so close. I just had to tell you all to get your tummies ready for it.

His plan is to open on 10.1.11. That is two weeks from Saturday people! Wahoo! I am getting a little sugar rush just thinking about it! Bread and Butter is located on South Eastern at Sunridge Heights in Henderson. It is on the Northeast corner of that intersection behind Osaka Japanese restaurant. My pediatrician's office (St. Rose Pediatrics) is right across the street.

Go see the Bread and Butter Facebook page to get the exact address and see how things are shaping up over there! Chris is trying to get to 300 people who "like" his page before he opens. I KNOW my readers can help him get there. Go check it out and like it while you are there. I know if any of you go have a taste when he gets open you will "like" it for sure.

Geez I wish I could give you all a taste of his chocolate pudding, or homemade pretzels with mustard butter, or his macaroons, or quiche, or steak and egg sandwich, or chocolate cake or ... well I think you get the point. But the interactive tasting internet hasn't been invented yet, so you will just have to go to B&B yourself and TRY it!

10+1=11 people. Keep it in mind!

Watching Miracles

2011-09-14T14:34:00.000-07:00

I have not been sleeping well. Partly because I am just a crazy insomniac. But also because my little Harrison is getting some new teeth. His top two teeth are just about to burst out of his swollen and sore gums.

It seems we are entering a new phase of babyhood once again. Only a few more gummy smiles are left.

He is rolling and rotating on the ground these days. Jonathan keeps trying to put his knees up under him to encourage crawling. I keep telling Jonathan to stop doing that and let him be little already! He is only 5.5 months after all.

He is enjoying the baby food we are giving him. He eats a big bowl of that twice a day. I clean him or bath him about as many times. :)

And Harrison is loving being with his family.

It has been interesting as the girls have gone back to school to watch how that has affected Noble and Harrison. Noble missed his sisters so much that first week they were gone. He kept asking and crying for "Ina" (Sabrina.) He just LOVES her. He often cries for her instead of me. Probably has something to do with the fact that she is such a softy that she can't handle him crying so she will give him whatever she can to keep him happy.

After the rain the other day, our backyard turned into a mini pond, or a really big puddle. Noble had so much fun splashing and playing in it.

Mama is a different story. So Noble has had to adjust to not being able to go to a sister when Mama tells him "no." And Harrison is adjusting to getting lots more attention from Noble. Mama is adjusting to spending lots of time redirecting. ;)

But the other day I had a moment that took my breath away. I had both boys sitting on my lap in the rocking chair. Noble was being silly and telling Harrison "SHHHHH" only he can't make that noise yet so it sounded more like "SSSSSSS" with his finger raised up to his lips. And Harrison was full out laughing every time Noble did it. Then Noble would laugh too and Harrison would laugh more ... you get the idea.

In between laughing fits, there were a few quiet, fleeting moments. In these Harrison would look up at Noble expectantly, and there in Harrison's eyes I caught a glimpse of the look that speaks a thousand words to the heart.

Just after Camille died, I was given the gift of "seeing" through her eyes one afternoon while potty training Lauren. I wrote about it in THIS POST. Lauren was so small then-- not yet 3 years old. And potty training her had been difficult. It often took all my patience and I often felt frustrated with her. But this day, in the middle of yet another frustrating attempt, I just looked at her and saw her the way Camille saw her. And I realized that it was the same way the Savior saw her. I saw her as this amazingly wonderful, beautiful miracle of life and love.

It was the same way I saw Harrison looking at Noble. He had that look -- like he was looking at the most amazing thing ever, something more entertaining and special than anything else. And it was a look of utter love, simple, unconditional, pure, deep love. It was a look of awe and admiration.

It was the look of watching a miracle happen right in front of you.
And it reminded me that everyday I am doing just that.

Lightning

2011-09-12T22:37:00.001-07:00

There is NOTHING like a good electrical storm to light up the night sky and there is a beauty going on right now. It is one of my favorite things to watch. I am going to go upstairs and open all my bedroom blinds and sit in bed and watch the light show.

New Calling

2011-09-12T09:30:00.000-07:00

This week I start my new calling as ....

Webelos Cub Scout Leader.

I know. That was out of left field huh? That is what I thought when the Bishop asked me to do it. I told him I would accept whatever calling he wanted to give me, but that to be honest I was not sure exactly what I was accepting with this one. Still it is working with the little boys Sabrina's age and I know most of them and they are really great kids.

A week after I accepted the call, as I sat up late at night training on the scouting website, I realized a bit more what I had agreed to do. It is going to be a lot of work. I particularly had a good laugh at the part in the online training when it said "your den leader will be able to teach you how to safely start a fire, tie knots, pitch a tent, and many other useful skills." I think I laughed out loud.

I don't know any of that. I am not handy or even crafty. I have never camped other than girls camp as a teenager and even then we slept in cabins and had bathrooms. It is going to be ... educational for us all I guess. While I may know next to nothing about all the things I am supposed to help the boys learn this year, I do know how to do one crucial thing ... delegate. And that is what I plan on doing.

This week is my first den meeting with the boys. I need to go make a plan and figure out how I am going to run these den meetings. And I need to get a parent to come to it to help since I don't have a partner yet.

At least they didn't release me from my calling of teaching Relief Society. That is my favorite calling. I taught yesterday on the Law of Chastity. Can you believe in a room of about 20 women only about 5 had been given "the talk" by their parents before they hit puberty. Amazing. I hope our generation will up that percentage and be better about talking to our kids about their bodies and sex before they hit an age where they have already heard it from friends and are embarrassed about it. But I suppose that is another subject for another post right?

Now I gotta switch my brain to working with the 10 year old boys and figuring out how to tie some tricky knots. Wish me luck! :)

Clean Rooms

2011-09-08T12:50:00.000-07:00

Robyn asked about how I get my kids to clean their rooms. I had a few thoughts to share on this topic so here they are.

First, while I really life a clean house, I am not a super clean person. So I just don't want you all to have the impression that my house is always in order. Anyone who has just "dropped by" my house knows better. That being said, a clean house does put me more at peace and so I do try to have certain parts of my house clean at least at one point everyday.

I also have cleaning ladies who come and do a deep clean on my house once a week. I just would never get to all the floors and base boards and dusting etc. without them. This is a real treat for me because I love a clean house and it makes me much less grumpy when a kid spills juice on the floor because it wasn't like I just mopped.

I kept my cleaning ladies a secret from my kids for almost 2 years. I have had cleaning ladies come on and off over the last 7 years. When the kids knew about it they got all entitled and wouldn't pick stuff up. So this last time I kept it a secret. I told the kids they had to clean up the night before and then when they came home from school and complimented how the nice the house looked, I said, "Thank you. I worked really hard today." That was technically true since I work with the cleaning ladies to get the house clean. If they ever saw the cleaning ladies I told them they were my friends that were coming to help me clean. Also technically true.

This summer my technicalities were exposed. It was too hard to keep my little secret. Luckily in the last 2 years my kids have gotten conditioned to clean up well prior to the cleaning ladies coming that they no longer have that entitlement issue.

The point of all that is to say that our house gets really well cleaned once a week. And the night before the cleaning ladies come, my kids pick up the whole house. Sometimes I help. Sometimes I am too busy with boys to help. Sometimes they do it with cheer. Most times they do it to get it over with. And there are still times when it is a fight and there are tears.

In the earlier days there were MUCH more tears and MUCH more yelling and threatening. Now I think the kids just know that I will make them do it so they just do it. I also try to compliment them lots on being good cleaners and give them incentives and make games. Those things work really well for some of my kids. Or I give them a section of the house to make clean or a time limit of what has to be done in a certain amount of time or a certain number of things they have to get picked up.

I think it is always more pleasant to work in anticipation of some reward after. Also, because we have the whole place cleaned weekly, it never gets THAT dirty so the chores are not as big a deal. We also clean bedrooms every morning and the kitchen and family room every night so those rooms stay pretty clean. It is way easier to get a kid to pick up 5 things off the floor than a whole room covered in junk.

I also don't keep their toys in their rooms. They have a play room where all the toys (except the baby toys) go. This is usually the messiest room in the house. I don't even go in this room or require it to be clean until the night before the cleaning ladies come. My kids have gotten pretty quick at cleaning it up. Even when it is really messy they can get it clean in under 10 minutes. (not that everything is in the "right" place but...)

Once in while (maybe once a year) I go in and sort everything out in that room and organize the toys. There are several "junky" areas on my house that I include in this yearly organizing.

I guess the thing I wanted to stress the most is that you just have to keep at it. It is a "hard thing" and it takes a lot of patience on our part, but if we just stick to it and train our kids even through the tears, eventually it gets easier. At least that has been my experience. Granted I don't have teenagers yet. That may be a whole new ball of wax.

What has worked for any of you out there? Got any new cleaning games to share? I am always looking for new ones.

Motherhood: Chapter 22 -- Building Endurance : Building Character

2011-09-07T12:15:00.000-07:00

On my first evening "walk" with Sabrina, I wanted to get some exercise. I wanted to feel like I got a work out. So I challenged her endurance during our walk. I tried to keep her to a brisk pace and we walked a total of about 3 miles in about 45 minutes. It was not such a touch "work out" for me. But for her ... it was rough.

The first 20 minutes was mostly downhill and filled with fun things to see. The second half was uphill along a busy familiar street. The second half was filled with complaints and cramps and desires for taxis to come pick us up. At one point she even broke down in tears and said she couldn't go any further.

This is when I picked her up on my back and ran up the steep hill with her. Okay, so I only made it about 100 yards up the steep hill with her on my back but it got me a work out and changed her attitude. She was so concerned that I not die. "Don't run Mama! I don't want you do die of a heart attack." I assured her I was just fine and that this walk wasn't even that hard for me so I had more than enough energy to carry her.

The next time we went walking, I let her pick the pace and the direction to make sure she would enjoy it more. We went about a mile in about 30 minutes. There were no complaints. The third time we went walking it was my turn to pick the direction and distance. We walked almost 4 miles in about an hour. We challenged each other with stints of running periodically. There were cramps and complaints but they were fewer than the first time and there was no need to carry anyone up a hill. Instead we ran the 100 yards I carried her before just to show that hill who was boss.

Yesterday Sabrina had PE at school. She came home and told me she ran the 400 meter lap faster than she ever had before. She was proud of herself and she knew it was her walking with me that had improved her stamina and speed.

Building endurance is hard work. Sometimes the results are slower to come than a week of walking with mom. But whether we want to get physically stronger, better able to mentally focus, or just heal from some trauma, endurance is the key.

And it helps to know that in most cases, there is someone there to "pick you up" when you just can't go any further. Whether it is a family member, a friend, or the Savior himself, God usually provides aid when we need it most.

It is pushing through and continuing through the pain that builds our endurance and our character. It gives us a sense of accomplishment, and self confidence. It lets us know that we really can do hard things, especially when the Savior is on our team.

Sometimes it is hard to push our kids to and through these "hard things." Our mother hearts want to keep them safe and happy. Kids (or people in general) are not usually happy about having to do hard things. But it is good for them. It is good for them to reach a point where they thing they can not go further, only to help them see that they can. Sometimes with just the littlest incentive or aid they can regain their strength and keep going. And that is the key to life sometimes, especially when doing hard things. Sometimes you just have to keep going.

Evening Walks

2011-09-05T23:09:00.000-07:00

Many, MANY years ago (I am talking in the 80s people), my family took our annual trip to my dad's family farm. A few things were abundant at the farm: manure, Fat Boys ice cream sandwiches, homemade bread, bread and milk with cheese, marbles, treasures, and copies of the Reader's Digest.

I could write a whole post about the memories of visiting the farm that are now flooding my memory just writing that list. But for all your sake I will stick to my current story. It all comes back to an article I read in a copy of Reader's Digest on a visit to the farm when I was just a little girl.

I remember the article well, even all these 25 or so years later. It was written by a single mom who had to work all day and then come home and take care of her kids. She wrote about how difficult this was. She explained how exhausted she would be at the end of the day and how guilty she felt that her kids got so little of her "awake and happy" time.

She told about one night in particular when she came home from work and got her kids together. She was spent that night, just like most nights. She made the kids some spaghetti for dinner and went to bed leaving them alone to finish it and put themselves to bed. After she went to her room and laid down she heard a commotion coming from the kitchen/dining area. It got bad enough that she couldn't sleep for the noise so she got up to go lay down the law with her kids. (I know we have all been there.)

As she walked into the dining area she saw spaghetti ... everywhere. The kids had gotten into a huge food fight. She was on the verge. Sanity slipping through her fingers. Anger seething fueled by fatigue. Tears were brimming.

What she did next changed her family. She didn't say a word. She walked over to her two kids. She grabbed each one by the hand. They put shoes on and together they walked out the door. They walked and walked for what seemed like hours. Eventually her fatigue lifted and so did her spirits.

She found herself able to laugh about the food fight and with enough energy to help the kids clean it up. She said that from that night on she and her kids began walking together. As her kids grew and she got remarried, she told how sometimes who went on the walks varied. If one kids was having a rough day she would walk with them alone and it would give them a good amount of time to talk. When both kids were busy with school stuff she would walk with her husband.

This story had a real impression on me. I have remembered it all these years and wanted to adopt that practice into my own life. But you know how life and babies seem to get in the way of our plans...

Until now... this weekend I decided to make Sabrina my new walking partner. At ten years old she is changing in new ways and needing a bit more of my time and attention. I really want to keep a close relationship through these tween and teen years. I am thinking walking will be just the thing to help me do this.

As we walk I have shared stories with her, asked her questions about her life, and we discuss books. I like to read the books she reads so I can know what she is reading and I just like most of those books too. Tonight I was impressed with some of the questions she was asking me like who my favorite character was in a certain book and why I liked that character.

I can imagine a day where I will be walking regularly with all my girls and doing some alone walks on hard days just like the woman from that article. I don't remember the name of the woman who wrote that article, but I think I owe her a thank you for sharing. And I hope that somehow something I write can help someone else similarly.

In Pieces

2011-09-04T22:25:00.000-07:00

Once in a while, some everyday life event can stir up some deep seeded sorrow in my soul. And it is hard to settle things back down for a little while. This week as all the kids went back to school I was left with the two little boys at home.

I am sure, from the outside, this may seem like no big deal. But for me, this week has left me really missing Camille.

The last time I had only 2 little ones at home with me all day I was pregnant with Lauren. I remember looking into sending Sabrina to preschool the year before she started kindergarten. I looked into different programs and eventually decided not to send her. One of the main reasons was because she was so helpful. At that time it was Ann Marie (the 2 year old) that was hard to deal with. But when Sabrina was there, she and Annie would play and they would just leave me to focus on the baby.

This week I have been working to keep Noble occupied with something other than Harrison. I have trying to entertain him while Harrison is sleeping. I have been juggling nap times between them. It has left me missing the 4 year old that was supposed to be my big helper this year.

This was not the plan I laid out for my family. Life hacked that plan up. Now I have to make a new plan with the pieces. I am uncertain about how to place all the pieces and whether I should try to add to or remove pieces. I want to make the end result even more beautiful than my original plan. I want something better to come out of this. I want our family to be better for this experience in some tangible way.

But sometimes I feel a bit overwhelmed as I sit amidst the pieces of the plan I had for my family, uncertain of how to fit things back together.

For Every Monday..

2011-09-01T23:24:00.000-07:00

For every perfect Monday, there are a few Thursdays. Monday night Harrison slept from 7 pm till 4 am and then went back down till 9 am. This contributed greatly to my perfect day. When Mama is well rested, everything runs better.

Then there was last night... Harrison was up 3 times at 11 pm (just as I was falling asleep) and again at 2 am and again at 4 am and around 5:30. Meanwhile Noble (who normally sleeps from 7 pm till 6 am) was up at around midnight and again around 3 am.

Taking into account that it takes me about 30 minutes to fall asleep when I have been woken up... that was a crazy night. Luckily Jon actually gets up to tend to Noble when he cries. He just needs a drink of water and he goes back to bed. But it still wakes me up. By Harrison's 5:30 waking, Jon was just got up for the day. He put Harrison back to bed since I had just fed him and I got to sleep till about 6:20 when Noble woke up. :)

When Mama is not well rested... today has been a challenge. I have yelled too much. My kids are tired too from the change of getting used to a school day schedule and so they are grouchy and I was grouchy with them.

Jon and I have a new "code" to remind each other to chill out in our parenting. When one of us hears the other losing it, and we don't want to correct them in front of the kids (we feel this shows us divided to the kids and we want to present a united front) we have a new saying. Tonight I heard Jonathan yell it up the stairs, "Stephanie do you think maybe she needs a minute to think about it?" That is code for "take a deep breath and give yourself a time out."

I yelled back down, "Yes I definitely think she needs a BIG time out but unfortunately she doesn't have time for that because it is bedtime and there is no one else who can do this. (Jonathan couldn't help as he hadn't finished his work for the day.) The code call out did have the intended effect however. It chilled me out and helped me check my tired cranky self back into line.

I wish I didn't ever have nights like that where I get frustrated and explode after telling a child to do something for the 5th time. I wish I never had to tell my kids to do something more than once. Ha! Geez wouldn't that make parenting easy. But parenting is not easy. It is difficult even when you feel good and are well rested. And more often than not, you have to do these hard things when you are sleep deprived or hungry or hurting from working out on the pilates reformer too much. (Abs Elizabeth!) Then it is the true test of your self mastery. That is one test I am still working on.

I just thought after my last couple of posts it might seem like my house runs smoothly. I needed to record a bit of today to give a dose of reality. The reason days like Monday get a blog post is because they are so rare. Usually there are some high points (like dancing with the kids in carpool this morning or shopping with Annie at Walmart or watching Noble play outside this evening) and some low points (like trying to keep Noble still for the hair cut I gave him today, or dealing with Annie's sour mood after a frustrating violin lesson, or trying to get everyone in bed at a decent time and getting the house picked up tonight.)

Doing laundry with the girls tonight we had a little chat about how hard it is to be "mom." Sabrina told Annie that having to deal with crying babies and little sleep and all the work that it probably wasn't worth it. Then I told them both that of course it is worth it. Because I get to be the mom of such wonderful people like them. Even on hard days like today it is TOTALLY worth it.

Morning Thoughts

2011-08-31T11:22:00.000-07:00

While running on the treadmill this morning (I know twice in one week??? WHAT???) I had a few thoughts:

The morning started rather rough. I kept having to goad the girls to get them moving. We had a hard time getting through the scriptures during breakfast with Noble causing many distractions. It was not Monday anymore. "Two days," I thought. "That is how long the new morning before school routine honeymoon lasted. I was hoping for at least a week."

Our Morning Distraction

After the scriptures, I reminded the kids to get to work and took the distraction (Noble) upstairs with me. Harrison was still asleep so I put on my workout clothes to take advantage of the time.

While running I noticed the sounds of music being practiced and dishes being unloaded from the dishwasher. Maybe the list works better when I just warn and walk away?

I noticed it was much easier to run when my eyes were up and facing straight ahead. A good reminder to me keep my sights raised in hope. Life just is easier that way.

Then I noticed how my face seemed to be pulled down with every step. "Life is always trying to pull you down, just like gravity. The older I get the more I feel that (both physically and otherwise.) The test is to see if you will keep picking up your feet and using your energy to defy gravity and move forward. It helps to have friends along side to encourage you in the effort.

Of course, I thought, sometimes you fall so badly you cannot get up on your own. (Insert a flashback here.) Well, I thought, I guess that is when your sister comes and picks you up off the shower floor to put some clothes on you and put you in bed to rest while she watches over you.

Eventually you get up and walk again. And eventually you run...

I finished my exercise, showered and dressed. Downstairs again I made lunches and barked out orders to get the girls to fill their backpacks with music for piano lessons (Saby and Annie) and dance clothes (Lauren) for after school. Then with shoes finally on I called everyone together for prayer.

Jonathan said our family prayer. That was good because he was not feeling rushed or stressed. During the prayer (during which Noble actually stayed in one place!!!) I had an impression come to me. "This is the most important thing you have done today. THIS is a sacred moment. Here your family is whole. This is when Camille is near. Even if you are in a rush, never let a day go by without this moment of joined reflection and prayer."

I shared this with my family after the prayer and then the doorbell rang with our carpoolers ready to pile in our car to go. It was 8:35 by the way Allison. School starts around 9, but we like to be there by 8:45. We get up by 7, usually 6:30 if we don't want to be rushed. Earlier is going to be a challenge next year when Sabrina goes to middle school. But it is so busy after school with activities, homework, dinner etc (we don't get them home till after 3:30 and by the time we get shoes off and stories of the day told it is 4.) I try to make them do a lot in the morning so we can have some down time at night.

Now the kids have been dropped off, Harrison has woken up and been fed and played with and put back to bed, and Noble is playing quietly with his cars (he is in the zone!) So I have a minute to blog. Blessed be the quiet, "eye of the storm," mid day nap time.

Busy Day

2011-08-30T22:38:00.000-07:00

Today was another busy day and I am plumb tuckered. Just wanted to share a thought or two that I had today.

A couple of days ago a mom in the hall at church was telling me about how she had signed her kids up for things this school year and on one particular day she was supposed to have two of her kids in different places at the same time. She wasn't sure how she was going to make that happen given the laws of physics and all. But somehow, I said, you'll make it happen. Because you are a mom. That is what we do. We make the magic happen. We make the impossible possible. We get everyone where they need to be somehow or another (usually helping each other) and we "make it work."

Secondly, after my very busy "make it work" day today, I just want to note that sometimes I feel like the author and conductor of a very complex orchestra. If only all my musicians would just play their parts instead of questioning my directions. :)

Off to bed now to prepare for another symphony of crazy tomorrow.

A Day of Firsts

2011-08-29T21:57:00.000-07:00

The first day of school went so amazingly well. It was almost like I would have planned it if I had control over all the little things I have no control over. :) Like Noble waking me up at 6 am instead of my alarm clock. I had breakfast ready by 6:30 and the kids come down. They ate while I read the scriptures to them.

Then it was about 7 and they started the rest of their lists while I went upstairs and ran on the treadmill. (You have to understand that this is AMAZING! I don't run so it is pretty amazing that I physically could. It is also AMAZING that my kids were getting themselves ready on their own enough that I didn't have to direct them. It is also AMAZING that Harrison was still asleep!!! Amazing...)

I then showered and got dressed and did my hair (I can't even remember the last time I got to do that on a school morning.) Then Harrison decided to wake up. I nursed him and went downstairs to put lunches together. The kids were done with their lists about 45 minutes before we needed to leave (AMAZING!!!) Sabrina even took a 30 minute nap. :)

Then I piled the kids in the car and Jon and I took them to school. I dropped Jon and the kids off at the curb and he walked them to their classrooms carrying all their heavy supplies.

First day of school outfits...

Lauren's sweet first day of school outfit.

Annie picked an outfit very like one Sabrina owns.

Sabrina chose a cute gray number.

Really it was like a symphony where every note was in tune that morning.

After errands to the Bank and Store (where Noble was... well not so "in tune" and very loud) we headed home for lunch and naps.

Lunch was another time for a "First" as our little Harrison had his first taste of any food other than breast milk. Rice cereal! Okay I should say rice milk because it was mostly my milk and a bit of cereal. He wasn't so sure about it. But I think there ended up being less on him bib than there was in the bowl to begin with.

All clean and happy before we took the first bite.

What do you want me to do with that???

He has since become very excited when I have approached with a bowl to feed him and is eating much better.

During naps I made 165 cookies for a "Post First Day of School" cookie party for the neighborhood kids. (I think Noble ate 10 of them.) Unfortunately I didn't get the word out as far as I wanted to. It was too hot to go door to door so I just told whoever I saw out on the street. We had kids over and cookies.

My kids all loved their day. Lauren said her teacher was "funny and fun." Annie said her teacher was "kinda awesome... NO just awesome." Sabrina said her teacher was "nice and fun and everything but boring." All good reports. I like hearing that.

We did homework and filled out first day of school paper work and then read and went to bed. The day wore me out. I am going to have to go to bed earlier to cope with my kids better at night when I am tired. I get short fused when I am tired and haven't had enough sleep.

Here is to a great day of firsts. First day of school. First full day for Lauren. First time for me to be home with only 2 kids all day since Lauren was born. First food for Harrison. First time my kids worked their morning schedule like a well oiled machine! First day back on a strict schedule. And first day of me getting back in shape ... hopefully?

The Night Before

2011-08-28T21:42:00.000-07:00

T'was the night before school starts
And all thru the house,
Not a creature was stirring,
Except this wee mouse.

The floors and dishes were washed;
The counters were clean,

A sweet breakfast was rising
While the children dream.

School supplies had been purchased,
New clothes were laid out.
The magnet board was revamped
To remind about...

The goals set with the parents
In an interview.
A few minutes with each kid,
One child; parents, two.

And new charts for morning chores,
Yes, Mom is so mean!
Prayers, eat, dress, hair, and practice,
Read scriptures and clean!

If kids finish with a smile
A sticker they get.
Weekly picks from the prize box,
Makes it all worth it!

My calendar is ready
For madness to start.

We moms turn all this madness
Into our life's art.

Motherhood - Chapter 21 - A Tough Lesson in Service

2011-08-25T17:18:00.000-07:00

About a week ago I noticed that I had not seen Ann Marie for about 3 hours. I knew she had been upstairs but what she was doing or where she was ... that I did not know. I found her upstairs in my bathroom and was told promptly to "Don't Look! Go away!!!" A bit later she came and got me and ushered me upstairs to see the "surprise" she had created for me.

My little Annie had meticulously organized all my very, very messy and junky bathroom drawers. Every little Q-tip and lipstick and toothbrush had its place. Dad had a space. Mom had a space. It was beautiful and clean and totally organized. It was a chore I had on my "to do" list that just hadn't gotten done yet. What a great surprise!

Then she asked if maybe she could "get something" for doing this for me. Like maybe some money? Like maybe $10? I considered the fact that it took her over 3 hours and she did it without being asked and agreed I was happy to pay her $10 as a thank you. Then she said, "well would it also be okay if after you pay me the $10 ... let's see ... that will make it so I have a total of $106. So is that enough so that you and me can go on a date and get pedicures? Can we do that and if you give me the $10 I will pay for the pedicures?"

This was just getting better and better right? I agreed to that deal on the spot. Today I arranged to have Jon watch the other kids and I took Annie to the salon. I gave her the last $10 in my wallet. On the way there she asked if she could also have a manicure. I told her if she was paying she could decide that herself.

We got to the salon and picked our colors and sat down. The pedicure for me would be $25. The pedicure for her $20 or a mani/pedi for $25. She struggled to decide if she could afford both a mani and pedi for herself. She decided to go for it.

Meanwhile, I struggled. How can I let my little 8 year old pay half of all the money she has been saving for the past 9 months to pay for a pedicure for me. This is supposed to be me thanking her for organizing my drawers. That is so much money for a little girl. Maybe I will just let her think she is paying and at the last minute I will pull out my credit card and pay for us and let her give me some money towards it. Maybe I will insist on paying for my own and let her pay for her own. Maybe I will just pay for us both and treat her.

We sat in our pedicure chairs and the salon workers got busy buffing and polishing us. I still sat there struggling with the decision of what I would ultimately do concerning the bill. We finished up and on our way out Annie pulled out her wallet from her little purse. She took out her money, carefully folded and neatly organized. Slowly she counted out a $20, a $10, a $5, and 15 $1s. She handed the money over to the man and we walked out of the salon.

I thanked my daughter for the best gift anyone had ever given me that cost money, for I knew this was the greatest monetary sacrifice anyone had ever made for me as a percentage of their net worth. :) She then noted how this ended up being more a treat for me since she paid even though I had given her the $10. Yes she caught on to what she had done. Organized my drawers and then taken me out for a treat too.

"Well then I guess I will just have to treat you somehow to get you back," I said.

"Okay but don't let me know when you are going to do it," she replied. "Make it a surprise!"

And that is when I knew I had made the right choice. Instead of treating my daughter and allowed her the gift of knowing what it felt like to do something really big and really nice for someone else. I instilled in her a "pay it forward" mentality and started a chain of service that could keep going for years to come. It was a tough lesson for me. I love being the one to serve and treat others. But it is good to teach my children how wonderful it is to give and do service as well.

Here are our toes after the fact:

Pretty purple fingernails with flower details for Annie's manicure.

I let Annie pick my color since she was paying. I thought she would choose some funky green or blue or yellow. Instead she choose a color called Apple Pie. She saved the funky color for her toes.

Snuggle Buddy

2011-08-23T22:23:00.000-07:00

Harrison is 4.5 months old now. He has two teeth. I know. That was a bit early huh? Yesterday I picked him up from his nap and held him close to me with his arm over my shoulder. He snuggled right up to me and wrapped his other arm around my neck and squeezed me tight. I was stunned. My little 4 month old baby was hugging me!

I have been hoping for a snuggly baby for quite some time. Sabrina was really my only really snuggly baby. The rest were more independent and wanted to be looking out and seeing what was going on in the world. Or Lauren, well, she was just kinda fat and happy and looking to suck on something or bounce somehow.

It is such a treat to me to have this little snuggle buddy. And the fact that he looks so much like Camille ... well it just makes the snuggles doubly sweet to me.

I wish I had more and better photos of Camille at this age. I need to get out my camera and take more of Harrison. I don't have enough of him either. It is hard to see how they look so alike in these photos but so many parts of him look like her parts.

Marriage Lesson

2011-08-22T12:58:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I gave a lesson in church on the principle of Eternal Marriage. I struggled with how to teach this lesson to the women. I have taught the principle to the young women several times. But it is different teaching the women, most of whom have some experience with marriage.

So I worked and struggled with it and put it aside and then talk to a friend and reworked it and then presented it to Jonathan who within a minute told me "No no no. You are doing it all wrong." Then he described how he thought I should teach it. I told him his way sounded like how I would teach the young women, but that these women have experience with marriage and know it isn't all roses and chocolates. He said that was all the more reason to remind them of what it is supposed to be and can become. Then with a sly little smile he told me I was the perfect person to teach this lesson because maybe then I would fall a little deeper in love with my husband. :)

We laughed a bit and he went up to bed. And I rewrote my lesson. Actually, I wrote an objective for my lesson. The lesson manuals for Young Women's instruction have these but the Women's manual does not. So I wrote my own Objective for the lesson.

I started the lesson by asking the class how the world views marriage today. I wrote the responses on the board. Then I told them that this is how Satan has colored marriage. I shared with the class the following quote by Boyd K. Packer, an apostle of the Lord Jesus Christ; "The single purpose of Lucifer is to oppose the great plan of happiness, to corrupt the purest, most beautiful and appealing experiences of life: romance, love, marriage, and parenthood."

Then I held up my sunglasses and told the class that today my objective was to remove Satan's sunglasses from our view of marriage and to help us see it in the light of the Lord's lenses for the beautiful, appealing, pure and purifying experience that it is and can be. I invited them to join me in their comments in attempting to inspire one another to want that ideal eternal marriage, to prepare for it and seek it out if we are not married, and to do our best to create as close to it as we can in our own home if we are married.

We began with the first marriage of Adam and Eve, performed by the Lord. We noted what a gift Eve was to Adam so that he would not be alone on the earth. I referred to THIS talk and the parable at the end to illustrate how temple marriage is essential to gain the full inheritance the Lord has waiting for us.

I shared my personal experience attending a marriage in the temple for the first time. It was the wedding of my dear friends Emily and Aaron Sherinian. I tried to verbally paint the picture of the sealing room with the alter in the middle and the bride on one side, the groom on the other and mirrors behind each of them that show them going on forever.

Through the lump in my throat I shared how blow away I was by the power of the Spirit in that room. It wasn't even the wedding of a family member but I felt such a powerful presence of the Spirit there. I really was overwhelmed and shocked by it. It was so very different than any other civil wedding I had attended.

I shared the feeling at my own wedding of knowing that my deceased grandparents were present and the feeling that there was no roof on the temple because it seemed all of heaven was in attendance. I shared how significant it was that those mirrors also represented all the generations past and all the generations future who were in attendance that day and would be affected by the union being made in that room.

We had some comments on how after the wedding day comes the hard work. We heard about how humbling marriage can be and how committed we have to be to stay in when it is easier to walk away. I pointed out that the hard parts of marriage are there to refine us and make us more Christ like. I asked the class for examples of how marriage has done this for them or others they know. We had some really good comments.

I shared how I have seen in my parents marriage the rough spots of each of my parents get smoothed over time and how they have taken the good the other person brought to the marriage and become more like that themselves.

Then I ended with noting how I just attended a funeral and how grateful we will be when we reach that point of separation we will be for having and Eternal marriage sealed in the temple. Death has a way of really sifting through what emotions are important and what matters. I shared my own feelings of how grateful I was for my marriage and the covenants I made in the temple on my wedding day that ensure me a full measure of the Lord's inheritance for me as long as I live worthy and keep my covenants, even if my children or husband decided to do otherwise some day.

In all it was a lesson taught not by notes or even bullet points. I said I was flying by the seat of my pants but really it felt more like I was just going along with the flow of where the Spirit took the lesson. And that is the best kind of lesson to teach.

Party of...

2011-08-19T22:57:00.001-07:00

Tonight after the funeral, we got ready to feed the missionaries. I had Jon stop at the store to get some ingredients and in an hour I threw together some chicken enchiladas, Texas caviar, and fresh papaya with lime juice. Just before the 2 sister missionaries arrived I figured we ought to set the table. (We don't usually set the table for dinner around here, but since we were having guests...)

I was thinking in my head, "what are we going to need about 8 plates? No there are 8 in just our family. Plus the 2 missionaries. Minus Harrison. He won't need a place. That makes nine." And so we set nine places.

It was only after the missionaries came and everyone sat down that I noticed one place setting was being unused. I though, "who is missing?" Then it hit me. I had set a place for Camille.

Funeral

2011-08-19T22:56:00.000-07:00

Today I went to a funeral. It was for a man I have known all my life. I grew up with two of his sons. He and his wife have a house near my parents old house. His name was Ron Gifford. I last saw Ron about a month ago at a meeting for Jon's business.

Ron was a funny, smiling, happy man. I loved his humor. He was one of those people who you couldn't help but smile around. He died rather suddenly after having a heart attack and then quadruple bypass surgery. He was 68.

His funeral was in the same chapel where we held Camille's funeral. We went to church together with Ron and his wife for the first 8 months of Camille's life. This is the first time someone I know and who crossed paths with my Camille in this life has gone on to that other side of life we know as death.

And I wonder if they have met over there as well. I wonder if she has seen him and if he might have said, "Oh hey, I just saw your mom and dad a bit ago. They had your baby brother Harrison with them. They are doing so well."

I feel like maybe such a meeting could take place ... like maybe it has in some form. It makes me feel one step closer to Camille to think so. I look at dying people with a small bit of envy now. Not that I want to die because I just have way too much to live for. But I do envy them being able to so soon be where my Camille is.

Heaven is a happier place today. Ron is there. I am sad he has left us. I am especially sad for him family and how much they will miss him in the days, months, and years to come. But I am happy for heaven to have such a bright light returning home.

The Help

2011-08-18T21:23:00.000-07:00

I read the book The Help about a year ago. I really enjoyed it. I felt it was both entertaining and educational. It gave me a real feel for what it felt like in the South during the civil rights movement and what a scary time it was for so many people. It also gave me a good appreciation for the courage of so many good people to risk their lives in peaceful protest of the injustices being levied against them.

So when I saw there was a movie coming out based on the book, I wanted to go see it. So often movies just don't live up to the book. But I was pleasantly surprised at how much I did like the movie version of The Help.

I will say that I don't feel it gave as deep a sense of the danger and fear felt by people like the book did. It tried. But the book really gave me that feeling much more than the movie did.

The characters, on the other hand, were really well portrayed. I liked the main character of Aibileen better in the book. But I think that is because we got to know her better in the book. I LOVED Minnie in this movie. She and Celia Foote were so wonderful. In fact I think I liked the way Celia was portrayed better in the movie than the picture of her in my head from the book.

I had some great laughs and at times wanted to cheer out loud. I saw the movie with my sister and my mother. My mother, who spent her high school years in the South (Atlanta) during the civil rights movement said the movie did a great job at portraying the feel of the South and how society felt back then. She said the music and the Junior League meetings and social functions were spot on how things went back then.

I wouldn't say this is a movie that most guys would like. But if you want a fun flick with your girlfriends, go see The Help.

so much to say...

2011-08-17T21:40:00.000-07:00

I have once again been up at the cabin with family and thus out of computer reach. It was our last vacation of the summer. Now I am finishing getting my family unpacked and back together but I have so much to write about.

First I just have to say the last week was our best dance party ever. We had such a fun time. My favorite part was just before the party started when an unfamiliar vehicle pulled into my driveway. I was outside talking to a neighbor at the time and thought to myself, "Now who can this be?"

This is who I saw:

This is my friend Shanan Durda ... who lives in Arizona! She drove all the way up to Vegas to surprise me and come to my finale Dance Party. It was one of the best surprises I have had in a long time.

Shanan lived with us for a few years just after Ann Marie was born. So she feels like family and we had a good time catching up and talking. I only wish we had more time. Our family had plans to go to the cabin the next evening and for all our attempts, we couldn't convince Shani to come with us. She has a sister who lives here in Vegas too and had plans to spend the next night with her. I guess that is a pretty good excuse. :)

Secondly, I was happy Melanie won Dance. She is amazing. I don't think it was a real shocker to anyone though. :) And I was a bit underwhelmed by the final performance show. I was glad to see so many of my favorite dances from the season brought back for the finale. That is always fun.

Thirdly, we sold our new mattress set and bought a new Tempurpedic. That is what we had before and we both liked it for the first 9 years. Then it got too soft for my hubby. This newer version of the Tempurpedic is supposed to be more firm. We will see. We have 100 days to try it. I already know I love it. I took a nap on it today and my back felt so much better when I woke up. Hopefully it will work for Jonathan too.

Geez I have so many more things to write about. But I think I better space out the others because they are things that deserve their own post. But so I can remember them later and to give you a preview, here is what is coming up, though not necessarily in this order...
Cabin with the Waite clan
Motherhood series returns -- Different Not Less
Sudden Death of Long Time Family Friend - thoughts on that.
New Job at Church
Thoughts on RS Lessons on Families Can Be Eternal and Eternal Marriage
The Help Movie Review
Harrison
Noble - becoming a boy mom
Annie the Organizer and her "prize"
Summer Schedule Review
School coming
"Surprises" passing down the tradition

What do You want me to blog about? Wanna add to my list? Wanna see one of my topics SOON? Let me know!

Final dance party

2011-08-09T10:04:00.000-07:00

So this week is our FINAL Dance Party!!! It is still on Wed night at 8:30. I will be making dueling double chocolate truffles. (2 different brands of chocolate creme cookies. we will see if we like one better than the other.) I will also have some caramelized onion and feta cup appetizers I picked up at Trader Joes. And I may have a fun drink to share as well.

Feel free to come as your favorite judge. I am brushing up on my Lil C speak. Anyone know where I can get my hair done in corn rows? ;)

Hope to see you there!

Stephanie

Blessing Balloons

2011-08-08T22:32:00.000-07:00

So often when my head hangs low feeling the weight of my sorrow stone filled bucket, I have to remind myself to lift my eyes up. For tied to my bucket (and very often tied to each individual stone) there are a mass of colorful blessings rising up like balloons in the sky, lifting a bit of their sorrowful anchor.

I am amazed at the sheer number of blessing balloons are tied to some of my weightier stones. For example, I lost one child, yet I have been blessed with 5 other healthy, living children. Because of the loss of that one child, I have gained thousands of new friends I have never met. I have gained a wealth of wisdom and a greater appreciation for my motherhood.

And these are only a few of the blessing balloons tied to that one most weighty sorrow stone in my bucket. And I know there are a multitude of blessing balloons tied to that stone which are not currently in my view but they are there, subtly lifting me up all the same.

These balloons cannot remove the stones from my bucket. The sorrows are still there. But when I remember to lift my eyes to the heavens, in a beautiful array they are a manifestation of the Lord's love for me. They let me know that not only will the Savior help carry my load, but that I am blessed in other ways as a sort of side compensation for my sacrifice. As Maria in the Sound of Music says, "when the Lord closes a door, somewhere he opens a window."

I have been looking up these last few days, and counting all those balloons in the sky. I feel I should be floating, seeing so many. Sometimes it really pays to just look UP.

Sorrow Stones

2011-08-05T23:13:00.000-07:00

There is a metaphorical bucket tied to me throughout this life. And as I journey on my way it is being filled with sorrow stones. Some of these stones are small and I barely notice the weight of them as I walk down this path of mortality. I may even be able to toss them out of my bucket and continue on my way.

But life wouldn't keep you growing without some more weighty stones to carry. And so some larger stones must be placed into my bucket. Once in a while, or seemingly all at once, into my bucket they fall.

Each new weight tests the limits of my heart's strength. Each stone changes my heart in some way. I struggle to keep my heart on a path of love when the stones would pull me down. Sometimes I feel so weak. It would be easier to turn my sorrow stones into anger. Somehow it seems that would be easier to hold.

Yet that is not the woman I want to be. I don't want to be the woman who carries anger with her day and night. I refuse to let these stones change me that way.

Still I also don't want to be a struggling woman of sorrow. And yet here I am laboring under the weight of my stones. At last, I fall to my knees, unable to move, stuck with these stones to bear.

Then, in my desperation, I do as my good parents taught me and turn to the only One who fully knows. He knows the stones, each one in its complexity. He knows their weight and mass. He knows because he has carried them too.

He reminds me that while I must carry these stones, I need not do it alone. For His shoulders are mighty and His strength is divine. He will help lift my bucket and make my heart feel the light. And one day He will turn these sorrow stones into jewels of joy and a wealth of wisdom beyond what I can now conceive.

I can feel His help surround me, lift me, and set me on my way. I can feel His strength in my step. I am grateful to know where to turn when I stumble. I know there is One who will always send angels to my aid.

I know

He's just waiting

for me to

ASK.

Vacation

2011-08-02T15:41:00.000-07:00

I am up in the mountains enjoying time with my siblings and their families. It is a sweet time to see all the cousins playing in the beauty that surrounds my parents cabin. The only thing missing is my sweet honey who has to be working at home.

It is so cool and wonderful up here that I have decided to stay a few extra days. This means there will be no Dance Party this week. But next week is the finale so we will do an all out fiesta! More details to come.

Till then I am going to soak in the rain and bask in the joy I derive from my family relationships. Happy family relationships really do bring the greatest joy on earth. Spending time together to build memories and letting my family members know what I appreciate about them are two ways I am strengthening my family relationships this week.

What have you done lately that has strengthened a family relationship you have?
I would love to hear.

announcements

2011-07-27T13:12:00.000-07:00

first off -- dance party my house tonight 8:30. Truffles this week are the ultimate chocolate experience. Fudgee Truffles. Ummmm. Just ate one. Okay two. HOLY DANGEROUS!! They are going to be one of my favorites I can already tell.

second note: I have a bed I need to sell. Anyone need a king size pillowtop Sterns and Foster bed? It is a very nice bed and is only 3 months old. Here is the story.

See I loved our old bed but it was 9 years old and getting too soft for my honey. His back began hurting. So he went out and found a bed he liked. We bought the lovely pillowtop Bradenburg Sterns and Foster with the box springs and a great impermeable mattress cover. Then we started sleeping on it. Jon's back felt so much better. We had found his cure. Great right? Well it would have been if my back hadn't started hurting.

So after 3 months of trying to make it work for me, I have given up and have been sleeping on our old bed which is now in the nursery. Not so great for me or Jon or Harrison. Unfortunately we can't return the new mattress because it is past the 30 day return policy. So I am trying to sell it so we can go buy another new mattress (or maybe 2 twins that we can stick together :)

So if you are in the Las Vegas area and have been needing or wanting a new bed, I have a deal for you. We bought the mattress for $1500 the box springs for $400 and the mattress cover for $100. We would like to sell all of it for $1500. Anyone interested?

Counting

2011-07-25T21:24:00.000-07:00

We were all sitting around in my brother's house in Dallas. His oldest daughter's birthday party had brought both sets of grandparents together. I hadn't seen my sister in laws parents in years. All my kids were playing with their Dallas cousins. My father and I sat with my sister in law's father, Bob, at the table. Harrison was on my lap.

Bob looked around the room and began to count, "One, two, three, four, five. So you have five children?"

I paused...

Just after Camille died the matter of how to answer this everyday question weighed heavily on my heart. It tore me up inside thinking about it. Initially I determined that I would ALWAYS include Camille. She counts. I bore her, nursed her, changed all those diapers. She is my child. She counts.

I reasoned, "My grandmother had two daughters pass away before she did. My two aunts were both grandmothers before they died. I would never think to say my grandmother only had 4 children. She had 6 and 2 had since passed away. My child shouldn't count any less just because her life was shorter. I would count her."

And that is what I did. Occasionally, however people would see me with my kids and assume how many children I had, like Bob was now. Sometimes I corrected them. Sometimes not. I found it is not fun to deliver the heart wrenching news of your child's death to a stranger in passing conversation.

So as time passed I stopped correcting every person. Still every time the subject arrises about how many kids I have, there is a pause in which all of this goes through my mind and I decide how to answer.

And so in my brother's kitchen I begin to nod my head in a sort of affirmation and resignation. Then, in the spilt second pause it takes me to process this all and decide how to answer, my dad interrupts. "No. She has 6 children. She had a little girl who passed away."

Even now ... writing this ... a lump forms in my throat. She counts. He counts her. My dad is not letting her be forgotten. He counts her ... even when he has to correct someone.

That night in my bed, tears rolled down my cheeks. They were tears of love and gratitude to my dad. I don't know if he can ever fully know how much it meant and means to me that he doesn't let her go uncounted. It is one thing for me to remember her and count her. But to have others, outside our little family, continue to count her mean so very much to me.

On our plane ride home our steward took an interest in our family all lined up in our row of the airplane. He looked across the row and said, "So you have five kids huh?" With confidence I said, "No, actually. I have six."

Aching

2011-07-21T22:52:00.000-07:00

It is just after 10 p.m. and I am sitting at my kitchen table alone listening to the sounds of my own typing, the air conditioning, and the running of my dishwasher. There are so many parts of my body between my head and toes that hurt. I am too tired to even list them.

My girls just went up to bed about 15 minutes ago and my husband followed them just now. We had a late night. Why??? Well you have heard that old saying about how bodies in motion tend to stay in motion and bodies at rest tend to stay at rest? It is a true principle. Today my body was in motion. Let's see if I can remember it all:

5 ish am Up with Harrison to nurse and put him back to sleep.
7:20 Wake up with Noble and Harrison
7:30 Advance Laundry / Feed Harrison / Dress and Diaper both boys
7:50 I begin to fold about 8 loads of laundry that I did yesterday and today.
8 am Phone call saying Jon's brother is in the hospital. Probably going to have surgery.
Family prayer for him. Jon gets dressed and goes to see him. Jon will have to work his shift at the store.
8:15 While still folding laundry at a furious rate, I direct the girls to get ready (do morning checklist) to go to swimming lessons.
8:43 I finish folding the last dish towel. My girls have everyone in the car ready to go (they are so great). I run down grab my purse and get in the car.
8:58 Arrive at swim lessons in time for their 9 am swim classes
9:35 Leave swimming
9:50 Arrive home. Get snacks for Noble. Send girls to shower and Lauren to get ready for Dance Intensives.
10:03 Leave to get Lauren to dance.
10:16 Drop Lauren off one minute late to Dance class.
10:35 Home from dropping off Lauren. I drink some water and eat a banana. My sister comes over to give me some hand me down stuff. We chat for a bit and the kids play a bit. She leaves. I nurse Harrison again. Kids play.
11:30 Feed Noble lunch
11:45 Put Noble down for a nap
12:00 Sabrina, Annie and I begin the last phase of our Family chore "Operation Organize Pantry." If you saw how big my pantry was you would see why this is a week long chore. I post photos later. I have one part left to organize.
1:30 Leave to go get Lauren from Dance
2:05 Arrive home. Saby and Annie have made cupcakes by themselves and cleaned the entire downstairs and decorated the blue table for an impromptu surprise cupcake party (I should have gotten a photo) for the neighbor friends. We bake the cupcakes. They make sandwiches and cut them out with cookie cutters for the "party."
2:20 Friends/neighbors stop by with misplaced mail and we talk a bit.
3:10 Girls invite other neighbors over for the surprise party I frost cupcakes for them and begin cleaning their sandwich and cupcake making mess.
3:15 Surprise party with friends
3:30 My brother Darren and his wife Nikki and their twins Henry and Lily show up to visit for an hour. Jon comes home at the same time to work out and go back to work. I visit with Nikki and Darren.
4:30 Company leaves. Harrison has fallen asleep on me. I sit down to be his bed for a few minutes. Jon takes Noble to shower. Sabrina goes to a neighbors house.
5:00 Noble is running around clean in just a diaper and shoes begging to go outside and play. I put down Harrison to tend to Noble. Harrison wakes up. I start making dinner.
5:30 Harrison is crying, Noble is running around crazy still in his diaper only, Lauren is
trying to tend Harrison but he is just not happy. I call Sabrina home and Annie downstairs. Dinner is served. I take Harrison and all the kids eat.
6:00 I eat and kids clear the table.
6:30 Time to do our weekly "pick up" of the house. I put Harrison in his swing and begin working with the girls. Over the next three hours I put away laundry with the girls, clean and organize the play room, clean and organize the girls closet, clean and organize the loft and all the Wii components, Put Noble to bed (Sabrina got him ready for bed), Finish loading the dishes Annie washed, appreciate the "surprise" Annie and Lauren gave me of doing the dishes and cleaning and organizing all the toys downstairs, deep clean the laundry room and pick up every other room in the house.
9:20 I sit down with a small bowl of ice cream and watch the results of So You Think You Can Dance with my girls. They worked hard with me and get the treat of staying up late with me to watch the show.
That brings me to about 10 pm. Girls to bed. Me to blog. Me tired. Now you see why.

Tomorrow we relax. Our only scheduled outing is to the library to return and check out books. I plan to order dinner in or take the girls out and just enjoy the weekend in a nice clean house. Family coming in on Saturday and Chris's food that night. I can't wait!

Good night!

Invites

2011-07-20T15:28:00.001-07:00

Dance Party at my house tonight 8:30 S'mores truffles. Be there.

Second, remember my friend Chris? The chef. He is running Lulu's on the Move (Metro Pizza's food truck) these days. It is great gourmet food for 4-6 bucks a dish. Well he will be selling his food off the truck in my neighborhood this Sat. from around 6:30 ish till whenever. Swing by and get some great dinner if you know where I live.

A Few More Answers

2011-07-18T23:34:00.000-07:00

To Emily - Sabrina is 10 and going into 5th grade. I am sure you could find an eye dr. that would let your daughter get contacts if you think she is responsible enough to take care of them (ie not leave them in over night, lose them, and she can get them in and out by herself after a bit of practice.)

To the busy mom who asked about my scripture reading habits. I have found that for my family breakfast time is the best time to read scriptures. During school months I read to the girls while they eat their breakfast. Their mouths are full so they can listen and not be talking to each other. :) Right now since our time is more relaxed, I usually sleep in later than they do (I get up when Harrison gets up.) So by the time I get up either Annie or Sabrina has read scriptures out loud to the other kids. I will catch up with them or read to whoever wasn't awake for the first reading.

We rotate which book of scripture we study as a family. So far we have completed the Book of Mormon and the Doctrine and Covenants during our breakfast reading. We are currently in the middle of the Old Testament (in Isaiah). We read from a version of the scriptures (Old Testatment for LDS Families) that uses the exact text from the scriptures but that has definitions for some of the unfamiliar words for the kids and other explanations in the footnotes. This really helps the girls when they read without me.

Sometimes (especially when we go on vacation) we get out of our groove and miss a few days of our scripture reading. It happens. But we just do our best to jump back on the wagon and get back to it.

In addition to this family scripture study, I personally read from the Book of Mormon every night. Some nights when I am particularly tired it is only a page that I read. Most nights I would say I read a chapter. Sometimes I read a couple of chapters. It just depends on how tired I am. But I feel even if I only read a verse it is better than not reading at all. I feel I am blessed in accordance with the effort I put forth. I do also forget some nights too. But usually between my family scripture study and my personal scripture study at night I get at least some scripture time in everyday.

I know from personal experience as a kid that even when it seems your kids aren't listening, they will be blessed by having scriptures read to them. I had an experience as a 12 year old where my mother's scripture reading of the New Testament to me proved highly valuable. I remembered verses she had read me and where they were at a crucial moment and that helped me stay strong in the face of serious opposition.

Moral of all that is to do the best you can and if you fall off the scripture study habit wagon, get back on.

Now I am off to read my scriptures and hit the hay.

What I Am Missing

2011-07-14T22:47:00.000-07:00

Sometimes my mind leaves the here and now and wanders to the dangerous land of Couldabeen. In this place I see all the things I am missing. Walking through children's clothing stores I see the adorable little girl clothes. My mind instantly misses the little baby girl I could have been dressing in those clothes. My other girls are all shopping in the big girl section now.

Milestones are particularly difficult. An inner voice whispers to my soul, she would have been 4 and saying those funny things and doing those adorable tricks. She would be starting Kindergarten next year. She would be Lauren's buddy.

I see kids her age. I watch them and feel sorrow that my little girl isn't able to learn and grow and experience all they are experiencing. I am sorry for her and for me not being able to experience these milestones of life with her.

I had such a moment the other day. But this time, in the quiet sorrow in my soul that followed the thought of pity at her missing out, there came a feeling. It was a feeling of thrilling joy and exhilaration, but not my own. It was her joy. I could sense it like you can feel the energy off of someone who is really excited about some thing. It was the same sense of joy I had from her the when she finally passed away. She was happy.

And the thought came to my mind,
"Oh, Mom, if only you could see
the things I am doing now..."

And with that my sorrow fled.
I realized I am not missing what she would have been.
If anything, I am missing all she has become.

To Karol

2011-07-13T13:05:00.000-07:00

Karol,
So nice to "meet" another person who lives so many of the same standards I do. I really do consider it a treat to meet people who are not LDS who live this way. Perhaps I only meet them so rarely because I have never lived in an area where there is a strong Christian contingency like the south or conservative values like Middle America. I have only live in Las Vegas (not known for conservative values obviously), Utah (full of conservatives but most are LDS), Washington DC, and Southern California (both rather socially liberal areas.)

Anyway, it is a pleasure to hear of other people, Christian, Jew, Muslim, Hindi or otherwise who choose to live like I do.

Now to answer your question regarding the origin of my belief that Jesus Christ visited the natives of the Americas and that He and His Father appeared to a 14 year old boy. You wanted to know where in the scriptures that came from.

Let me start with a story. In 1820 there was a boy named Joseph Smith who was 14. He lived in upstate New York with his family. There was a religious fervor in the area at the time with many preachers from various Protestant denominations holding revivals and preaching about how their church was the only way to heaven etc... Joseph's mother and siblings had been going to various churches and most had chosen one church or another to join. But Joseph felt confused by all the preaching and was unsure of which sect to join.

His family was a Bible reading family and so one night he was reading the Bible when he came across the scripture in James 1:5 which says that if any man lacks wisdom, let him ask of God who giveth to all men liberally and upbraideth not. This verse pieced Joseph powerfully and he thought over it extensively. Eventually he decided he must follow its instruction and pray to ask God which sect was the right one to join.

He set off and went to pray in a grove a trees near his house. I will quote his own account of what happened after he uttered his prayer. "I saw a pillar of light exactly over my head, above the brightness of the sun, which descended gradually until it fell upon me. When the light rested upon me I saw two Personages, whose brightness and glory defy all description, standing above me in the air. One of them spake unto me, calling me by name and said, pointing to the other—This is My Beloved Son. Hear Him!"

The Savior then spoke to Joseph telling him that he was to join none of the churches. He informed Joseph that the church He established when he was alive was no longer on the Earth. He informed Joseph that one day he would help the Savior restore to the Earth His original church with apostles and prophets being led by the Savior himself at their head. The product of this "restoration" is the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

Now I know this sounds like a crazy story. But I believe it with everything that I am. I have prayed in that same grove where Joseph prayed and felt my heart so filled with the Spirit telling me that this story did in fact happen that it seemed to burn within me. I feel that same Spirit of "ringing truth in my soul" every time I hear or read Joseph's account of this visitation from the Savior and the Father.

But I understand that believing this story makes me (and all other LDS people) a bit different from the rest of the world. That is why it made my list of how being a Mormon makes me feel different.

As for Jesus Christ visiting the Americas. That comes from a book called the Book of Mormon (which is where the nickname "Mormons" comes from). It is a second witness or "Another Testament of Jesus Christ" as its subtitle proclaims. Joseph was led by an angel (who was the final author of the Book of Mormon when he lived) to a hillside where an ancient book of golden plates was buried. By the power of God he translated this book into English. The angel took the plates back from Joseph when the translation was finished. The result is the book we know as the Book of Mormon.

The Book of Mormon is a history of a few groups of people who were, at various times, led by God out of the Old World of Jerusalem (some as early as the tower of Babel, others later around 600 BC). It records their belief in the Savior who would come and the preaching and visions and teachings of the prophets who came among them over the span of about 1000 years. Most significantly, it records what it was like in the ancient Americas when Christ was born (a day and night and day with no darkness) and when he died (massive natural disasters and earthly upheaval followed by about 3 hours of total utter darkness). It also records a visit from the Savior to the people in the Americas after his resurrection. In this He delivers a sermon nearly identical to the Sermon on the Mount.

The only reference there is in the Bible to this is where the Savior tells the Jews of the "other sheep" that are not of this fold that He is going to visit.

Again, I feel the in tune ringing, peaceful, warm, feelings of the Spirit every time I read the Book of Mormon. I love this book. I read it over and over and love it and learn new things every time. Again, though, this is something I wouldn't expect anyone to believe who hadn't read the book and prayed to know for themselves if it was true and gotten an answer. I mean who would believe it without?

If anyone reading this would like a free copy of the Book of Mormon, you can either click on the link HERE or just email me your name and address at stephaniewaite at gmail dot com and I will write a personal note in one and send it to you. Give it a read and see what you think.

Hope that helped clear this up for you Karol. Thanks for asking the question.

much love,
stephanie