One might say today is a milestone. Today Harrison is the same exact age that Camille was on the day she died. Tomorrow he will officially be older than she every was. From then on she will be my forever baby.
I have been feeling mild shock waves from hitting this milestone (bad dreams and a greater depth of nostalgia.) But I want to shift how I look at this from a milestone to a stepping stone. This isn't a goal I have been striving for or anticipating. It is a bridge from one stage of life to another.
Tomorrow I step into having all my living children beyond the point at which I lost my baby girl. Every step after that will be a more sure step into less anxiety for me about so many things from losing Camille.
I will give up little by little the daily reminders of what it was like to have her crawling around our home. (Harrison decided on Friday to give up crawling and get serious about walking everywhere.) Day by day there will be less baby and more kid in my home. That will make me a little sad. But I have a baby waiting for me. I will always have a baby waiting.
So when my chicks grow up I will not need to mourn the loss of this beautiful stage of baby to toddlerhood. Someday there will be another milestone or stepping stone, as I hope it will be, when I step from this life into a better life and get the privilege of being a mother to that little one waiting for me.
Someday the Savior will come again. He really will. And He will restore all that was lost. He will mend what has been broken. He will heal the unhealable wounds.
He will stand as the Rock or Stone that will enable us to step from this life to a better one. He will be that stepping stone.
I read a great blog post HERE by my dear friend Stephanie about true beauty. If you have daughters or have ever felt like you hated some part of your physical appearance (aka if you are human ;)) you should go give it a read.