Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Walking Memory Lane

It has been incredibly busy around here lately. Life gets that way I suppose. But this month has been heavy for my husband at work. We are opening a LaptopXchange store in the Phoenix area in a couple of weeks. Jon's brother will be moving down there with his wife to run it. With that and a few other major duties to attend to at work, I have been more on my own than ever with keeping our family running.

Yesterday was particularly crazy. The kids got home from school and did their homework and one went to a friends house and a friend came over. Right after I ate my dinner Annie got dropped off from being at a friends house and I fed Harrison. He doesn't like green beans. He was gagging on them and threw them up. The phone rang as I was cleaning him up. We couldn't find a phone (like always). Finally I just went to the one phone we have that is not cordless and picked it up.

It was the mom who dropped Annie off. As she was leaving she saw a little neighbor girl friend of ours get into a collision with a car. She had been riding her bike. The long and short of it is that she is okay. I didn't know that then and if was rather unsettling news. Her dad had taken her to the ER and I went over to bring the other kids to my house.

Luckily, our little friend will heal up just fine. She did have to stay the night in the hospital for observation though. The driver of the car is another friend of mine - one of my former young women at church (now a sophomore in college with a daughter of her own.) This morning I took her over to the hospital see our little friend. They don't know each other but I know them both. We took balloons to bring a bit of cheer.

I had seen my little friend briefly the night before in the ER and she looked so good. I knew it would do my driver friend good to see how well the biker was. She was at the hospital where Camille and Noble were born. It is also the one where Camille died.

What I didn't expect as I went there this morning was to be going to the PICU to visit our little friend. Her injuries weren't life threatening. She would be leaving in a matter of hours. Stitches and a broken bone and a bump on the head. So I was taken back when walking to her room I found myself walking that same hallway I had walked so many times in June 2008.

Further down the hall we walked and I just kept praying that it would not be the same room. Luckily our little friend was about 5 doors away from that room where my baby spent her last days on this Earth. Still even three years plus later I could not stop the physical reaction my body had to walking down that hall once more.

I am so grateful my little friend is happy and well. While we visited with her a clown came to "inspect her smile." It was such a nice thing. There were no clowns around when we were there. There were no smiles to inspect I guess.

But as I walked the hallway on our way out, I looked down to the end of the hall to that room where I transitioned into a bereaved mother. I remembered the cold of the room and the hallways. I could almost taste the salt on my face from all the tears I cried in those three days we spent there. And it felt almost like hallowed ground. Those three days were the hardest of my life. But they were sacred in a way too. Still, I hope I never have to walk those halls again.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

i read your post and thought oh my goodness.. i walked the same path. my mohter passed about 3 years ago very suddenly (she was 56). i went to the er with her and waited as they got a room for her in icu, she passed from copd. both of my older children were born at the same hospital. then my youngest broke his leg riding his skateboard. when i took him to the same hospital they tried putting us in the exact same er room where i spent the last few moments with my mother. my physical reaction would not allow for this. they had to move us. funny how your minds and bodies react to things.

Cheryl said...

I have not lost a child, but my son was in the NICU for 6 weeks. I had to go back to that hospital recently for blood work and tests, it was the first time I had been back. Just driving into the parking lot where I used to park made me tear up and as I walked into the hospital the tears started falling. I walked up to the floor where he was and just sat and cried for a few minutes. It was good therapy as I too felt it was sacred ground.