Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Motherhood - Chapter 18 - 10 Years

Today begins the second decade in my eternity of motherhood. Yesterday we celebrated my daughter Sabrina's 10th birthday. She was born late at night after a very long and hard day of labor. I was so exhausted by the time she finally took her first breaths. I had no energy to think about how my life had just changed forever. But it had.

I knew my heart had changed in new and wonderful ways as they placed her in my arms. A new and overwhelming loved for this tiny little screaming creature filled me. It came unexpectedly to me. It shocked me how powerful I could love someone I had just laid eyes on for the very first time. But then that is motherhood, and I was just beginning to know its wonders.

I had anticipated that I would still work part time after having my baby. I was a criminal defense attorney and could do much of my work from home. About three months after Sabrina's birth I my boss asked me to go make an appearance in court for him. It was an easy job. All I had to do was go do an arraignment. Basically stand up for the accused client and say he was pleading "not guilty."

I got dressed and got a baby sitter for Sabrina and headed to the courthouse. I met the client and sat next to this accused armed robber waiting for our case to be called so I could say my line and go. Criminal courts are unfortunately always busy in California where we lived then. After a couple of hours I was missing my little baby so badly I just wanted to leave. I wondered if I had missed anything new she was doing. I wanted to see every smile she produced and every funny face.

I thought to myself at one point, "who do I really want to be with, my baby or this accused armed robber?" The answer was clear. It was not my client.

After three hours, our case was finally called and my 10 minute job was done. I called my boss and told him that would be my last job away from home. I luckily didn't have to work for financial reasons, and I didn't want to miss a minute of my growing daughter's childhood.

Ten years and five more children later I am amazed at how quickly time has flown. My baby is now growing into young womanhood. Her sisters are following her lead. And I am savoring every moment of my baby boys' baby and toddler stages. These years we have them in our home are really so short in the grand scheme of life.

In the next decade I will face so many new challenges of motherhood. Ten years from now two of my daughters will out of the nest and off to college. What a short time I have to train them up in all the ways I need to before they are gone.

I was forever changed as a human being 10 years ago. I became a mother. The center of my personal universe permanently shifted. For I was given the greatest, hardest, most rewarding, and sometimes most heartbreaking job known to mankind. I am responsible to teach and train and love and chasten the children of God sent to my home as they have been taught and trained and loved and chastened before the came to my care. It is up to me to let them know who they are, where they came from, why they are here, and how to fulfill their own destiny. Ten years ago I became what I will forever now be -- a mother.

6 comments:

Carolyn said...

Hey! Good post my dear. And happy birthday to that Sabrina girl! We are coming soon!!!!!

Kim said...

Hi Stephanie - I saw your story mentioned in The View newspaper and just wanted to congratulate you on all your success and thank you for sharing your life and story with the world.

Sincerely,
Kim Peterson

Ingrid said...

Your writing is beautiful. Thanks for sharing yourself and your thoughts and feelings. (Ingrid here, I met you at AMI in Salt Lake). Enjoy your new decade!

Julie said...

that was so sweet Stephanie. Miss seeing you guys. Hope all is well and you are enjoying SYTYCD.

Julie

Anonymous said...

What a powerful description for the most important calling women have. I was introduced to your blog by my own mother and as I do not currently have any children of my own, I am reflecting on the overwhelming influence my mom has had on my life, my choices, my beliefs and ultimately… me. Thank you for your posts. Happy Birthday to your little/not so little girl!

cynphil6 said...

I loved this. You are so eloquent in your writing! We miss you guys and look forward to bumping into you! I need to meet Harrison!
xoxo