This is one of the pictures I have blown up big of Camille. We got it blown up for the funeral. Now it is in Lauren's room. Only Lauren doesn't sleep in Lauren's room anymore. She doesn't like to be alone so she sleeps on Sabrina's trundle bed between Sabrina's bed and Annie's bed. So we don't go into Lauren's room so often.
Yesterday I walked by and looked in and saw this picture. Camille is life sized in it, hanging on the wall. Then I walked into the girls room and started getting them ready for bed. I sat on Sabrina's bed as the girls were brushing their teeth and saw this picture, which is also life sized and hanging in Sabrina and Annie's room on Annie's half of the room.
"She was real." That was the thought that hit me. And with it came that feeling that was so familiar 18 months ago every time I saw a picture of her. It was the overwhelming desire to jump into the picture and be there with her and touch her and hold her again.
She was real and tangible and lovable just as much as Mr. Noble is to me now. She IS real now. And she is just as much a part of our family as she ever was. We just can't see her now. But we can still feel her influence and at times we can even feel the presence of her spirit visiting us.
These thoughts and feelings made me reflect last night as I knelt beside my bed to say my prayers. He is REAL. He is my Father. I am His daughter. I want to feel of His spirit. I want to KNOW Him.
My prayers last night were ... focused. My heart this morning is soft and a little homesick for Heaven. It can feel what is Real even if I can't see it.