Sunday, February 14, 2010

To My Little Valentine



Dear Camille,
Today I wrote love notes to each of your sisters and made them heart shaped chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast. I whispered sweet love secrets in your brothers ear and held him close to me before putting him to bed. I gave each of your siblings a little Valentine gift. Your Dado and I made a delicious Beef Wellington together for our Valentine's dinner. It was super tasty. 

But what am I to do for you? How am I to tell you of my love for you? I wore my necklace with your picture on it today. I wanted to feel you with me even if it was just in that little way. Tonight I will write this love note to you and send it off into cyberspace. Somehow it just feels more "sent" this way than if I just write it down on a piece of paper that will just get stored away in my house somewhere.

So on this Valentine's Day, my sweet angel girl, I want to thank you. Thank you for all you have taught me. Thank you for allowing me to be your mother and to love you here on Earth for the time you were here. Thank you for creating a Celestial room in my heart where you will forever reside and where my love for you can blossom safely. 

I love you. I loved you because you were mine. I loved you because you made me smile. I loved your adventurous spirit. I loved your tactile curiosity. I loved you because you were simply the most beautiful little treasure of a girl. And now you are gone. And I love you all the more. 

I love you now for the work you are doing. I love you for the spirit you bring into our lives and our home. I love you for showing me, your dad, your brother and your sisters how important it is for us to follow Heavenly Father's plan for us to return home to Him. I love you for loving me despite all my imperfections and shortcomings. 

I miss you. You must know how I miss you. 

I miss you, but I am going to be okay. I am going to be patient as I wait for the day when I can hold you and kiss you and love you in person again. I am going to be happy and joyful and serviceable to others in honor of you my dear. I am going to feel all the textures of life for you. 

You are my heavenly Valentine and I pray you will know of this note to you this day and all the love that is sent in it. I love you my little Cami!
Love,
Your Mama

16 comments:

i said...

What a beautiful note. Thanks for sharing it and your heart. julie

c said...

that was really cool steph. happy v day!

Rachel H said...

Haven't stopped in for a while, and sure enough, I end up in tears!! haha! SO sweet and I know she is watching over you guys as you little angel.

David and Sammy said...

I'm sure her Valentine's day letter back to you was equally as touching. How blessed she is to be apart of your family and how blessed you are to have her too. Thanks for sharing.

chanel said...

beautiful. so much love. i am sure she heard and cherished every word.

Diana...aka...MeMe said...

Really lovely Stephanie. Sounds like you had a day full of love!

nina said...

Beautiful, you made me cry.

Andrea said...

Beautiful and so sweet. Thanks for sharing.
Love,
Andrea

merideth said...

so beautiful. and i can feel the love.

staci-d said...

so sweet, when i read your written words i can feel the spirit so strongly. Thank you for sharing that sweet peaceful feeling. Your heavenly angel is blessed to have you for a Mom! You have so much love in your heart, i am sure it is felt by her and we can all feel it too. Thank you for sharing!!!!

Amanda said...

So incredibly touching.

Bonnie said...

Stephanie I felt like I wanted to share this post I wrote in Oct, 2008, that you might find some comfort in it. I want you to know that I tried typing these very search words into google the next day, and many times since and I have NEVER had that search come up with this book again on top again. As I have pondered this sI do not believe this was a coincidence! I know our loved ones are VERY aware of us! How your little angel must love you!!!!

http://iseekafterthesethings.blogspot.com/2008/10/love-you-forever.html

LeMira said...

We've never met, but I found you through a link on a friend's blog who also lives in your area. I loved your letter. Thank you for sharing something so personal and touching. I know that there are harder days than others, and thank you for sharing them with others. I pray for your peace and comfort on those hard days.

onangelwings said...

I have followed your blog off and on for a couple of years and come back every once in a while when my reviews and life give me a chance. I will always remember your angel baby and love that you continually pay tribute to her.

This love letter is so beautiful it brought tears to my eyes.

May God bless you and your family.

Shalyce said...

I found your blog awhile ago and was touched by it. I'm so sorry for your loss. This note made me cry. I can't imagine what it felt like to lose your precious little angel, but I'm truly in awe of your courage and faith.

Shalyce

Curly said...

Hi Stephanie,

I don't know if you'll even get this since I found this post so long after the fact. But, my face is streaming with tears right now after reading this.

Sterling and I have long had the tradition of writing each of our kids love letters each Valentines eve, leaving it on their pillow along with a small gift as a token of our love for them. They love waking up to it, and we love staying up into the wee hours the night before writing the long tributes to them--replete with our memories of them for the year and what not. Until reading your post just now I had never thought what that tradition would be like should I lose one of them in this life. I am amazed at how many pieces of difficult terrain a person must traverse after losing a child. You seem to do it so gracefully. I'm sure you probably don't see yourself that way, but the rest of us do. You're an amazing woman, and you continue to inspire me.

Much love to your little Valentine--(even if it is almost St. Patrick's day.)

Amanda