Wednesday, September 2, 2009

A New "Schedule"

Everyone is back to school these days. Sabrina started the 3rd grade and is learning cursive already. She has a very nice brand new teacher fresh out of school herself. It should be a fun learning year for all of them.

Sabrina is involved in so much this year. She has voice lessons and sewing lessons and piano lessons and activities for church. She is learning to juggle a very full schedule. Luckily she gets lots of sleep and is not burdened by lots of homework so she can fit in her extracurricular activities.

Ann Marie started the first grade. She is adjusting to the full day schedule. She misses the "activities" of kindergarten and is waiting for first grade to get interesting. I hope she will feel challenged enough this year to keep her attention and help her feel like she is learning. Her teacher is experienced and feels confident in her ability to challenge Annie. I hope so.

Ann Marie has begun to develop an acute sense of empathy. Lately when I am feeling tired and worn she will come massage my back or get me water. She can be the most helpful and giving person. I love that she is learning these qualities.
Lauren started preschool this week. She loves it so far. She is so excited to come home and show me everything in her bag. I love 4 year olds. She is turning into a little person right before my eyes and I want to just capture all of her in a bottle and store it up to sip on latter when she is big and has too much attitude.

Today I was teasing her about how she never misses me when she is gone to preschool because she has so much fun and how I sit home and cry the whole time she is gone because I miss her so much. Her response was beyond her years. "Mama, you don't have to miss me. You can feel me in your heart and then you know I am there." How wise I thought. Then after a pause she added, "Like I can feel Camille in my heart and then I don't have to miss her." Yes. Exactly. Thank you for the lesson little teacher of mine.

Even Noble has been doing a bit of schooling. He and Dado have been working on their skills. He is getting rather proficient now at the standing on the hand trick. If only we could get the sleeping thing down. We have been sleeping him in the swing thus far as this seemed to be where he would sleep longest. But lately even that has not been doing the trick. Tonight we are trying out the crib again. He went down easily in it, which surprised me. I guess we will see how he does tonight.

After a good 2 hour nap today I felt like a new woman. It is amazing how sleep, or lack thereof, can affect you. Now I wish I were asleep but am too wired with thoughts running through my head. I wish my brain could be like this desktop where I could clean off the surface and go into sleep mode. I guess that is why I am up writing-trying to put my thoughts to bed.

Only tonight my thoughts are not so much about my kids. Tonight my thoughts are more about how sometimes I feel so alone even when people are near me. Tonight my thoughts are about how sometimes I miss the carefree life I had as a young married woman without the heavy responsibility of motherhood on my shoulders. It is an honor to be a mother but sometimes the responsibility feels ... daunting ... especially when you are working on a few hours sleep per night over several days... weeks... months.

And tonight there is part of me that want to go back further and get in my car and drive home to my mama's house and crawl into her bed to snuggle up to her and spend a night not worrying about when the baby will wake up or what I need to help the kids do to get ready in the morning or how tired I am going to be if I can't get myself to sleep in the next 10 minutes. My mother makes me feel and ... safe ... and not alone ... and ultimately loved. I miss her. In the business of the "schedule" I miss her.

And I wish I could go over and at least spend an hour by her side with my head rested on her shoulder. But alas, here it is I who is the mother and must have the shoulder broad enough to rest the weary heads of the little ladies and shoulder the burping of the bubbly boy who may wake at any given minute. So I guess I better head off to bed and snuggle up to husband and partner in all this shouldering. I am grateful for his broad shoulders. They ease my load considerably. I hope this post has cleared off enough of my thoughts to let my mind rest so I can sleep. Wish me luck! Goodnight.


Is it possible to go insane from a lack of sleep?
And if so, why is it that I am the only one in this picture who might be losing her sanity?