We had two babies blessed in church today. First a little girl, then a little boy.
Lauren was sitting on my lap (what is left of it at least) during these blessings. After the little boy was blessed. I said "Look at that tiny little baby boy. Isn't he cute? Pretty soon you will have a little brother just like that."
"But, mama, I still want a girl baby," she says to me.
"I know and maybe someday we will have another little girl baby, but it will be fun to have a little brother."
"But, mama, I really liked Camille."
"Yes Lauren. I love Camille too, and we miss her huh? But even if we had a girl baby it wouldn't be Camille. And if we don't ever have another girl baby, you will always have Camille. She will always be your baby sister and when you get to play with her again she will still be little and cute just like she was."
The months pass. The memories grow dimmer. The waves of grief hit less frequently. Yet still the hole, the missing, the longing for her presence remains. I feel it for myself and in conversations like today's I feel it for her sisters as well.
Sister's in pajamas
Adoring new sleeping baby Camille
May 12, 2007
Taken by Elizabeth Harris.