Monday, March 2, 2009

An Apology

I want to apologize for getting "snippy" in my final paragraph on peoples comments about the name we chose for our son. I was just a bit shocked to find how opinionated - and willing to share their opinions - people are about what others name their kids. I guess we have never chosen a name so... different to elicit such opinions. 

I was not mad or offended, just really surprised and I wanted to put a stop to the free for all opinions (at least the unkind ones). Jon and I have never really cared if other people liked our names. I knew when I put up the Jesse poll it was a slightly dangerous option. If you read the post attached to the poll, you can see that I specifically said that it wasn't that we were going to use that name, we just had been having a debate between the two of us about whether it was gender neutral or not.

Jon thought (and still thinks) it is TOTALLY a masculine name and would never be confused for a girl name. I can see how he thinks it is totally masculine but since every "Jessie" I have known is female, I think girl when I hear it. The name was pretty much not even on the table till I asked some who work in the office at school what they thought of the name Jesse -- boy or girl - and they both said boy. That got me wondering if maybe I was the only one who thought girl when they hear the name. 

So I thought I would get a sample off the WWW and see if the name was gender neutral or not. I told Jon I would concede to his view that Jesse is a masculine name if the "boy" vote came back more than 50%. It came back at about 39%. So the poll basically told me that I was right. Jesse is thought of by most people as gender neutral. It told Jon that 61% of my readers are wrong. :)

In any case, I probably should have taken an hour to craft my response instead of just throwing my shock out there. I was just taken off guard in that I didn't expect the announcement of the name we have chosen for our baby to be as controversial as some of my posts on religion. If I had I would have written the announcement more carefully to avoid mean spirited comments like the one my husband deleted.

So, sorry about the hasty and snippy retort. I didn't mean to hurt feelings. My intent was only to put a quick stop to the opinions and request that people be kind in their comments. 

Now to move on ... lets pick a new topic.  Anyone have an opinion on what our next topic of discussion should be? 

28 comments:

SlonikerScoop said...

I have been reading your blog ever since Camille was in the hospital and a family member told me about it. It made me so sad and physically ill to even think about what you were going through and I couldn't even read your blog. It was at least another month until I visited your blog again. I have shed many tears on your behalf. I have a little girl that is 13 months and sometimes I think of Camille when I see her and a part of me dies inside to think that she would ever be taken away from me. I cannot fathom having her for only 1 more month as you did.

Congrats on the new baby and I pray that he heals your heart.

I got this from the social security website and thought you may be interested:

Popularity of the male name Morgan Year of birth Rank
2007 405
2006 367
2005 334
2004 309
2003 362
2002 373
2001 349
2000 332
1999 317
Note: Rank 1 is the most popular, rank 2 is the next most popular, and so forth. Name data are from Social Security card applications for births that occurred in the United States.

Popularity of the female name Morgan Year of birth Rank
2007 43
2006 35
2005 33
2004 31
2003 29
2002 29
2001 29
2000 25
1999 24

So, as you can see, it is more popular today for a girl than a boy. Maybe that is why people get so opinionated!

For Jesse:

Popularity of the male name Jesse Year of birth Rank
2007 107
2006 102
2005 89
2004 94
2003 95
2002 90
2001 90
2000 90
1999 82

Popularity of the female name Jesse Year of birth Rank
2000 808
1999 648
Note: Data are not shown for some of the years you specified because the name Jesse was not in the top 1000 names for those years.


Bottom line is that this your YOUR decision and nobody else's. I don't see any harm in you asking what other's think, but you should still do what you want, and they should not be rude ever.

Thanks for all your uplifting posts and an early welcome to baby Morgan!

Julie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Julie said...

steph, you are such a kind person. this post shows your character is solid to the core... regardless of whether the "paragraph" was necessary or not.

(and i think it was!)

sanctity of life is an issue that runs through to my core... it's controversial and difficult to address. maybe that's not the type of topic you wanted.

if it's not, i would love to hear what you feed your kiddos from breakfast, snacks to lunch and dinner. always curious to hear what other mommies do and to learn some new ideas!!!!!

have a wonderful day!

Stephanie said...

Sloniker,
Yes we have looked at all the names we have considered in the Social Security website. Jon used that argument to support his Jesse is not a girl name. True. But Jessie and Jessie short for Jessica are more common for girls.

As for Morgan, we never really looked that one up because it was never a debate. I never alleged it was a male dominant name. However, your comment made me curious so I looked it up for the last 100 years. Morgan has been around 300-500th most popular for males consistently over the last 100 years. It didn't make the top 1000 for girls till the year 1976 coming in at 960 something. It over took the males in 1980. Yet another gender neutralization of a name.

In any case, Noble, we think, is pretty solidly male. That is why we will call him Noble.

That website is very interesting.

thanks steph

Angie said...

Why oh why do people think that just because your blog is not private, and anyone can see/comment on it, they are justified in being totally tactless?? Insanity! After you put up the Jesse poll I read some of the comments and wondered WHY people were saying whether or not they LIKED the name...that was NOT your question at all! In Jon's post about the name you chose, he in no way hinted toward wondering what others thought, so I was surprised to see people giving their opinions! I'm with you, I named my kids the names they are because my husband and I liked them (also the reason we spelled them the way we did) and I don't care AT ALL if anyone else under the sun likes their names! Congrats on finding a name you both like--that can be quite an accomplishment!:)

Here's an idea for another topic: the woman who just had octuplets and now is single with 14 CHILDREN...that wouldn't be a post that attracted opinionated/heated comments AT ALL;)

Anonymous said...

I have a question for you. I have looked into your church and I understand and agree with most of your beliefs. However, one thing bothers me... Why would Joshep Smith be sealed to multiple women? Some who were already married!! I know that you do not practice polygamy today. But if a prophet was commanded to do it, does that mean it will be practiced again?

Kathy said...

Stephanie, I think you were totally appropriate in the things you said. It's really nobody's business what you name your son. I personally love the name, but if I didn't I would never say anything rude about it. I was a bit hesitant when my daughter told me that she would be naming her baby girl Guinevere, but 2 1/2 years later I can't imagine anything cuter for her. And I'm pretty sure she'll be the only one in her class. It took my husband a long time to learn how to spell it. And for what it's worth, I LOVE Morgan Noble. I have a very handsome nephew named Morgan. And I agree with Angie, the octomom would spark lots of discussion. Any thoughts on that one?

Anonymous said...

Lets all support Stephanie! Only nice things. What are some of your kids favorite things to do for activities? Do you do play groups with other kids? Lots of arts and crafts? Park days? What is something that always puts a smile on you and your daughters face?

Bacardi Mama said...

You don't owe anyone an apology, but there are certainly some people who owe you one. What you name your baby is nobody but your families business. I think it is a strong, wonderful name. We have friends who just had a son this morning. I imagine there are plenty of people out there who would have a problem with Sullivan Daniel. Enjoy this sweet little guy when he gets here! I'll want to see pictures.

Anonymous said...

I personally didn't think your comments were "snippy." I thought you addressed it very tactfully. You and your husband have been extremely gracious about opening your life up to complete strangers, and you have every right to draw the line when necessary.

Thanks for being such an inspiration to all of us!

Jenna said...

Stephanie I love your blog I have read it since Camille passed. You have such strength, testimony, and are simply amazing! I love all of your posts. The comments about your name were really crazy. I don't care if someone names there kid watermelon, it's their choice. I have a Scout,rider,Guard, and Denim. I get random people on the street asking there names and saying why would you name Your kids that? I find it quite amusing! My Guards middle name is Coble-pronounced noble with a C! So whenever someone asks we say like noble with a C. If you weren't using Noble I might have stolen it. I always have
5 letter names and they all have a spirtual story behind them. Scout to lead the way, Rider of the light preaching the gospel, guard of righteousness, Denim the fabric that weaves our family together. So a Noble servant of the Lord would be sweet! Don't worry I won't take it:). I'm just saying I love it! I want to hear about your days in law school. I find it fascinating you did so much!!!!!

Cardalls said...

What do you do for discipline especially of a very headstrong 3.5 year old? I am at my wits end!

Bailey's said...

We know a Noble here in OKC and I think it's a great masculine classy name!

Samantha said...

I have been following for a couple of months and wanted to say hi. I also wanted to comment on the last couple of posts. First of all Great name choice. It's very strong, carries alot of meaning for you both and it's masculine(not that that matters) but really my oppinion doesn't matter.

When we had our third child we told noone what his name was going to be for this very reason. Everyone thinks they have a right to let you know how they feel about it. (Kind of like strangers think they have a right to walk up to you in public and start rubing your tummy. Totally not cool.) I knew we had picked a name that not many would like. It is different. When my inlaws entered the hospital room and asked his name and I told them the look on their faces were priceless. LOL! His name is Quintin, yes it's different , but it has been around for a very long time, I guess you just don't hear it that often.

My point is that you have both choosen, agreed on and like the name so that makes it perfect. TC, Sam

Jonathan Waite said...

Cardalls, I think that's a great subject -- dealing with a headstrong little one. Stephanie and I have unfortunately (or fortunately however you see it) donated the headstrong gene to a couple of our girls. I would love to hear success stories of others in managing that characteristic.

Alisha said...

I don't think you needed to apologize. And I can't think of the next topic of discussion though, sorry. I know what I don't want it to be...baby names!!! Ha ha ha...who would have thought that would be more controversial than religion?!? I've heard of never discussing politics or religion, but never baby names! =)

James and Sarah Narramore said...

I don't think you had to apologize for what you said at all. Some people think they have a right to state their opinion whether it hurts you or not. I love the name and can't wait to see pictures of him! I think it is such a strong name!

lauren said...

I was one of the name commenters, and in hindsight, I want to apologize. The Jesse post was so recent and when the Morgan post came up I weighed in on the gender neutrality of it, even though YOU TOTALLY HAD NOT ASKED. Durrr. I am truly sorry. I hate Internet trolls; I just overstepped my commenter boundary. Congrats on the new baby!

Anonymous said...

Here's a topic that you've probably addressed in some of your previous posts in some form or another so you may answer only if you wish to. Why do such awful things happen to such good people? I've had multiple lessons on this topic and I understand that we chose this life. I know we chose mortality knew that life would bring challenges to bring us closer to our Savior, and ultimately to return to our Father, but I feel like that's my 'primary' answer and in my heart I still don't always understand. Sometimes I feel like I've grasped an answer, but then something happens and I lose it.

Sincerely,
Jill

(Beautiful name choice, by the way!)

kathryn_m said...

I think discipline is such an integral part of Christian parenting.

My youngsters didn't inherit my headstrong gene so I most always felt pretty satisfied with how we handled these matters. We were blessed with kids who didn't give us much grief when growing up -- as adults? Well, that's another story.

It's always helped me to bear in mind that it is something we do for the child not to the child.

I would like to hear the views of other posters on this topic.

I think opening the up discussion to Nadya Suleman is akin to stirring a hornet's net. It seems that everyone, myself included, has such strong feelings about her situation.

That said, most any topic can stir some lively, healthy discussion.

The Hansens said...

Not that it matters, and I seriously don't think it matters what other people think. My oldest has a different name and we get comments all of the time from people that think it is their place. My point is...I know a Jesse, who is a boy(really the only Jesse I know) and I only know boys that are Morgan, I personally love the name. Noble is awesome. Seriously who knew people would care so much what you named your child. I mean really???

The White Clan said...

I amm a friend of Marleens from high school, and I love your blog. And just a little FYI I am having my fourth boy in 19 days (WHOOPEE) and his name will be Morgan Callister. I have gotten so many of the same things, like it is a girl name, but I don't really care so much either. It is a family name also, and I love it! My second son even tells me weekly, "Mom, Morgan is a girls name." But I love it ! And I think a name is what you make of it. My middle name is a family one, Tamzen. And I have always hated it, but now I actually like it. I can't wait to someday have a girl and name her that.
Good luck! Finding a good strong name is always our problem.

Ashlyn said...

New topic of conversation? How about interior design? What kind of decor do you prefer? We have all seen different pictures of your house and I wonder why you chose certain pieces or colors?

Darren and Nikki said...

Okay, I know I am weighing in on this a tad late BUT I actually have only ever known Morgan as a boy name. I knew a lot of Morgans. Even before I married into the Harris family.

And my sister named my niece Seville, which was my grandpa's name. But I like the name and I liked my Grandpa so it worked. :) But that is not the topic of discussion anymore.

I think you need to put up a poll on when you are going deliver Morgan Noble Waite. We can't wait to meet him!

PS - I have a crush on the keyboard.

Kunz Family said...

ya. steph. this is EXACTLY why i don't tell people the name of my child BEFORE they are born.... tooooooo many people with toooooo many people. LOLOLOLOL!!! I love you and think of you ALL the time. i can wait until june, but at the same time i can't. i was thinking about it the other day on my way to work and i just started crying my heart out inside..... well one day at a time. LOVE YOU!!!!

Heather said...

Wait - don't name your baby yet! I'm thinkin' "Orangejello" or "Lemonjello" would really be more perfect! My husband read me that chapter in Freakanomics a few years ago. And I thought your husband would appreciate us knowing about it!

p.s. I really just think no matter what people name their babies, that there are always people who give them grief. We named our first Hannah and our second Abraham and this one girl totally thought it hilarious - not sure why! Enjoy that little one in such a short while! I appreciate your honesty, your testimony, and your strength. I love knowing there are good, good people out there!

Anonymous said...

I am proud to be annonymous, and just so you know I would be happy to say to anyones face what I am about to write. Are you people serious? I only look at this blog occasionally, and I just don't know on either side of the issue, why everyone is even bothering getting so emotional with what Stephanie names her kids, or why stephanie is defending herself. Newsflash.. the blogging world may not invite manners, but if your going to put yourself out there you better be prepared to suck it up. On both sides of the issue. If you only want to talk to your friends, and get their opinions then create a private blog. I have almost made myself crazy with even posting a comment on an issue that is so ridiculous.
love
the appreciator of freedom of speeh

Anonymous said...

I think it would be fun to talk some more about food. I think it would be very fun if we did some kind of post where people get to submit their favorite recipes -main dishes, sides or desserts. Things for picky little kids, things that you can make really fast or a special type dessert or meal that a person or family use on special occasion, holidays or celebrations... I don't know about you but I am getting tired of alot of things we eat and would love new ideas and recipes. What kind of cake do we see in the picture of your recent post? It looks really good... Anyhow, just an idea here.