Thursday, February 19, 2009

No Words

Tonight I have no words.
I can't begin to explain the tears that keep falling.
Instead here are a couple of photos. 
My how things change.
Me with Ann Marie and Sabrina in our California house.
Sabrina is 3 and Annie is about as old as Camille would be.
Don't they look like Camille and Lauren?

Our forever family so far. Taken Oct. 2007

Our family for now.

29 comments:

Anonymous said...

Stephanie,

Ever since I started to read your blog months ago, you and your wonderful family is constantly on my mind and in my prayers.. I wish there was something I could do for you.. I wish I could even give you a warm hug.. I'm thinking about you. Hope you feel that there's many, many people out there who care about you and your family. You're a wonderful mother..

Jonelle said...

"In the gospel of Jesus Christ you have help from both sides of the veil, and you must never forget that. When disappointment and discouragement strike--and they will--you remember and never forget that if our eyes could be opened we would see horses and chariots of fire as far as the eye can see riding at reckless speed to come to our protection. They will always be there, these armies of heaven, in defense of Abraham's seed." -Jeffrey R. Holland

Something I love to read when I am feeling down. Many thoughts and prayers Stephanie-as always.

Marylin and Jimmy said...

Oh sweet Mommy, my heart aches for you. May the sun shine you in the morning and know I am thinking of you . I too love that quote from Elder Holland.

Anonymous said...

Sending big warm cuddles and hoping tomorrow brings you more peace and joy, and less tears and heartbreak.

Love to you,

Jane

The Tehvand Trio said...

I often feel the exact same way.

Shanan said...

I love your family, Steph. I know Camille is close by and helping you through these difficult nights.

Micaela said...

oh stephanie,
i am so sorry for the pain you are feeling tonight.
i love you
micaela

e said...

tears with you this morning. I love you.

cory and sharon said...

8 And it came to pass that he said unto them: Behold, here are the waters of Mormon (for thus were they called) and now, as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light;
9 Yea, and are awilling to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death, that ye may be redeemed of God, and be numbered with those of the first resurrection, that ye may have eternal life—

There are many of us out here crying with you right now. We can't take away your burden, but hopefully we can help make it light.

Noorda Notebook said...

steph that makes me so sad. i'm so sorry. i guess i don't have words either. that top picture really does look like camille and lauren and how they'd look at these ages. we miss camille too. she was and always will be a part of your family. thank goodness for eternal families! i cannot even imagine the happiness you'll feel on that family reunion when you meet again! i hope you feel her presence in your home today.

Heather & Greg said...

I love how you can pull off so many different hair styles, you are so beautiful and I hope you feel that way despite your heartache. Always know that so many of us think and pray for you often!

Andy and Katy said...

The last photo may be short a sweet little lady, but the spirit and love in that photo makes it possible to see that your family is evident in the best way!!! What a beautiful soul you have and your girls & (boy) are lucky to have you!!!!

Amanda said...

My heart bleeds for you...

You are loved.

Marne said...

sending you love...

Lori said...

Sending you a big hug. My prayers are with you.

Liz's Blog said...

Sending you loves and hugs...and lots of prayers. XOXO

Mythreesons said...

I'm so sorry Stephanie. We'll put in some extra prayers for you guys today. I'm also taken aback by how beautiful your family is. I can't believe how much Sabrina and Annie look like Lauren and Camille in that picture. All those daughters are such beautiful angels, here or not. I second Catherine... what a beautiful joyous reunion that'll be. We love you guys.

The Pett Shop said...

Sometimes when we have been through any kind of trauma, pictures of what "used to be" can make us sad when they used to make us smile. Don't worry, eventually you will be able to smile at those photos again and think about how happy you WERE as well as how happy you ARE now! That is what the atonement can do to heal us.

Dawn, said...

Sounds like last night was a heavy night. I hope you felt your Heavenly Mother's arm around you. I often picture her, oddly, mostly in time of mourning... cause I long for her hugs!

Marleen said...

Such sweet pictures. My favorite is the 'forever family' picture. And yes, in the first picture Annie and Sabrina look so like Camille and Lauren. Such pretty faces.

Presley family said...

BIG HUGS!!!! Thats all I can say... I am sending you BIG HUGS!!!!
Love you!
Julie

Kate said...

Sending love and lots of prayers your way. Love, Kate

Julie said...

steph, you would not be human without these tears... it shows the depth in the river of your heart.

thank you for sharing these pictures, they are each beautiful and show such a loving and happy family.

i hope today has been a good day for you. you are such a special woman.

Steffani said...

I am always amazed at the strength and faith you have, and how it radiates through your posts. Although I am sorry that you are feeling pain and tears tonight, I am grateful for this post. i am grateful to know that even with such bravery, strength, and faith it is ok to break down every once in awhile. Thank you for helping me remember that.

Angela said...

I walk with you...I am here for you...
love to you,
Angela (Evan from Heaven's mom)

Kr!sty said...

I feel discouraged a lot lately, then I get on your blog & am lifted every time. Even in your down times, you boost me. Thanks. Thinking of you! :)

Hoskins Family said...

Hey, I remember painting that room in the first picture! I miss those Lakewood days with you! Wishing I could give you a hug...know you are in our prayers.

kathryn_m said...

I love you, Stephanie.

May your tears quench the longing in your aching heart.

love 'n hugs,
kathryn_m

James and Sarah Narramore said...

What a joy it is to know that you are a forever, eternal family and that this life isn't the end!! I know you are sad and you have EVERY right to be. We are still human but keep your chin up the grass is that much greener on the other side. I know that she is looking down on you and your family and is just as sad not to be there to give you the much needed hug you are wanting! These are the times when we aren't walking side by side Jesus, he is carrying us! My heart goes out to you and hope you have a better day today! :)