Thursday, December 18, 2008

Views of Peanut

This is one of the 3D pictures we got at our ultrasound appointment today. I am thrilled to report that the baby looks healthy in every respect. I have not cared whether we have a girl or boy. But I knew that it would be an emotional trigger to discover the sex of our child. I knew whether peanut was a he or a she, I would need to do some emotional processing. 

I have known since Camille died that we would never be able to replace her. I did not get pregnant in an effort to replace her. I want the joy that a new baby, any new baby, brings to a mother's heart. It doesn't matter whether my child is a girl or boy. I know I will have that joy. 

Still, there are emotions that come with varying degrees knowing that this child will be unique and different while my heart longs for something known and unattainable. It is part of the nature of the beast. I knew I would have to face it. I chose to face it now so that when the baby is born, I will not have to deal with these emotions then. I am sure there will be enough emotions to deal with on that blessed day all by itself, without a gender surprise.

I am happy we found out today...
...that we are having a baby boy!

It is going to take enough adjusting in my mind to psyche myself up for a boy as is, nevermind the added grief element. I have become very accustomed to girls. Still if I am ever going to have a boy, now is the time to do it. There will be an almost 4 year gap between him and Lauren. And I am happy he will not have to deal with ever being compared to Camille.

Jon is thrilled. Sabrina and Ann Marie are excited to finally be getting a brother. Lauren -- well she was sad and mad. She said she wanted a girl baby so she could have Mill Mills back. After explaining that even if it was a girl it wouldn't be Camille, I had a nice little silent break down of my own. I want Camille back too. I just know better than a 3 year old that having a new baby just won't do that. Still the knowing doesn't remove the longing from your heart.

I am settling into the idea of having a son. It is weird for me to even write that word in reference to myself. But I am excited to learn first hand the love a mother feels for a son and what that type of relationship is like. I am also excited for my girls to know the love a girl has for her brother. I was always glad to have both brothers and a sister growing up so I could know both types of sibling relationships.

While I am a little nervous about this baby's seemingly spastic level of energy and movement in the womb, I am confident my love for him will only make this feature (if he is this high energy out in the world) all the more endearing.

OH BOY! Here I begin a whole new adventure!

90 comments:

Kathryn_m said...

Totally awesome, Stephanie.

Congratuations to all 7 of you!!!

love n' hugs
kathryn_m

Did you mention that Jon had a named selected or are you saving that for his arrival?

Stephanie said...

We have not discussed names yet, but I plan to have one agreed upon before the delivery is even close. At least that is my hope. That is the next big task.

Stephanie

Kathryn_m said...

I immediately tool out my knitting books but I guess your weather to no condicive to knitted sweater sets, is it? If ot, may I ask the great please of mayking him a shawn for his Blessing Day?

Kathryn_m said...

Oh my glory - I am so excited for you that I am typo-ing all over the place! LOL

Anonymous said...

Congratulations Stephanie, Jon, and family!!!

Boys are so much fun! The girls will love babying him. He is so blessed to be joining such a loving and beautiful family. Thank you Stephanie for sharing those sweet little pictures of your "peanut". ;)

Blog Buddy said...

Congrats to your family! We have plenty of baby boy memories to share! What a blessing to see your little one "in-utero"----♥

Angie said...

Oh my, congratulations! There is nothing quite like a mother-son relationship....speaking from a mom with 5 boys.

Diana...aka...MeMe said...

Congratulation! Boys do fill your heart with a special love...I have 2...along with 2 girls. The first boy brings such joy to his father as well. Blessing to you all!

angie j. said...

congratulations to your little family. i remember feeling a little bit like, "i don't know what to do with a boy!" when he finally came along. but boys are so much fun. best of luck!

Shanan said...

That is wonderful news - Congratulations!!

my stay-at-home-momma drama said...

How exciting! I recently found out I'm expecting also. Exciting news.

Mommy Poulsen said...

Congratulations! I find my son to be easier to raise than my daughter. With girls you have so much emotion. Boys are easy going!

Sleepless In St. George said...

I think you have a busy boy on your hands. I found that the babies that were busy in my tummy were that way when they were born, and the calm ones in utero were calm once born. They definately come with their own spirit! Busy boys are fun....always discovering something new. Congrats!

annie said...

Congratulations!!!!
We have one son, and three daughters. They are all so special, but I have to admit there is something different between son and mom...

Christina said...

You will love that *mama's boy* connection! I have 3 girls and 2 boys, the boys came 2nd and 3rd. I was a really young mom (had 3 kids at 22) and not sure what to do with a boy, in fact I was flat out scared to have a boy. One day when my hubby came home, he looked at me on the floor with my 1 and 2 yr old boys playing legos and hot wheels and said "See, you are a total boy mom!" LOL And then when the 4th and 5th were both girls, my days switched gears, and I am back to tea parties and dolls...it is so fun to get to do both! CONGRATS! Can't wait to hear his name! I love ultrasound pictures!!

Chelsa said...

i love love love having boys... guess i dont' really have anything to compare it to- but mine are SOOO fun :)

Mary said...

Congratulations, Stephanie! What a blessing for your family. I didn't know there could be 'calm' babies in utero! All mine were spastic, but especially the boy...ha! (And he hasn't stopped talking in 7 years, literally)

Julie said...

congratulations stephanie. you'll love having a little boy (I have 3). they are all energy and movement and they love their mom. so get out your running shoes and get ready for some fun.

julie (earl) hanson

Mindy said...

A boy!! How exciting! What wonderful news!

a.k.a. Jack said...

Congratulations, Stephanie and Jon. He looks like a little Harris in the 3D ultrasound. You guys will love having a boy. There will never be a dull moment. :) And, like you said, with the gap, it's good that it's a boy. I hope the emotional burden will be lifted soon. I'll pray for you. Love you guys. Congratulations again.

PletcherFamily said...

Congratulations! Adding a boy to the family will be different, but so much fun!

Aprilyn said...

Congratulations! I have 2 boys and no girls but grew up with 3 sisters and 2 brothers. Boys are full of energy (and sword fighting) but fun.

tharker said...

A boy!! Congratulations Stephanie and Jon!

We have two boys, and I will tell you that you are correct to be a little suspicious of that spastic wiggling going on inside you. He sounds like a true boy!!!

We also have a daughter, and I am constantly amazed at the differences in the personalities of boys and girls. You are going to have so much fun!!!!

And yes, that mama/boy relationship is so precious. I'm so happy for your family!

Sue said...

I have three boys and they are the joy of my life (as is my daughter, of course!) But boys are very cool to have...They love their mamas, and they tease their mamas! (And that is so much fun.) Then when they get older, they are so, so darling to their mamas.

I am going to share a poem of mine. It doesn't fit my situation yet, but one of my sons was the inspiration because of his "adult" kindness to me at a really difficult time. My husband was out of town when something went very wrong, and he sort of stepped in, in a way that was like a foreshadowing of years to come.

OH, FOR A SON by Susan Noyes Anderson

Oh for a son
when my head is bowed
and years have lined my face––
A stalwart son
with a gentle heart,
where I still hold
a mother's place.

Oh, for a son
when eyes grow dim
and memories recede––
A spirited son,
a steadfast son,
who sees but does not
fear my need.

Enjoy your son, Stephanie!

Scott&Mandi said...

Congratulations on finding out you are having a precious little boy! I am very happy for you!

Jennie said...

Congratulations! What a wonderful blessing.

Anonymous said...

Stephanie, Jonathan, Sabrina, Ann Marie, and Lauren,
I am so happy that you guys are having a little boy. Having my two boys first and then my girl I yearned for a girl but I love how my boys have made me learn about dinosaurs and bugs. My boys have me wrapped around their finger like I have found my daughter has done to my husband. I think you will be blessed and surprised how much you will learn from having a little boy.

Love
The Rutherfords

Kara Jayne said...

I'm sure I am repeating what others have said, but you will be shocked at how totally and completely you will fall in love with that little boy. We had a little girl and were convinced that all girls was the way to go. Daddy was LOVING having a little girl and we couldn't imagine what adding a boy to the family would be like.

I was not ready for the overwhelming love and affection I felt for Jack when he was born. That love continues today (he is 6) and has increased with each child born...including another boy and girl.

I am so thrilled for ALL OF YOU. You will never know what you did without him!!

you gonna eat that? said...

Hi, I read your blog. That's great that you're having a baby, and that it's a boy. As I was reading this last post I was wondering how this child will progress through life knowing it's place in your family. Do you think your son will have any lasting or negative effects knowing his whole life that he was born less than a year after the death of Camille? I'm not trying to criticize... just something I really am curious about.

slimnsom said...

This may sound odd, but boys think the world of thier mother in ways that girls don't see. You may find this little guy will be your best buddy!

Candace said...

Congrats on you new little one! I have been reading your blog for about 1 month! It's ver inspiring and you have so much courage ans strength! Take care and God bless!!

Candace

Maggie May said...

congratulations to your beautiful family!

Brittany J. said...

That is VERY exciting, CONGRATS!! My baby boy is actually ONE today:(, I can't believe it. I have 2 older girls and I was very nervious about how having a boy would be after girls. I really wasn't sure if I would feel as connected to him as the girls. BUT the SECOND I laied eyes on him I was instantly IN LOVE!! I have LOVED having a boy, there is an amazing bond between mother and son. Babies bring with them SO much happiness and they fill our homes with the spirit!!

e said...

I wish I could have seen jon's face yesterday as the tech discovered that it's a boy! I am sure it was priceless.

It's nice to imagine peanut and camille together right now, chatting about the waites and how wonderful life on earth is with you, Jon, Saby, Annie and Lauren.

Sending a big squeeze this morning.

xo
elizabeth

p.s. I am still working on morgan for skiing at christmas break. :D I may just wear him down yet!

Kelsi said...

I did the exact opposite 4 boys then a girl! You will love having a BOY! They are different for sure but so much fun! Boys LOVE their Moms! They protect their Moms and are so affectionate with their Moms! I love having my boys! I love having a girl too! Congratulations!

The "Street" Clairs said...

That is so exciting. He will be one loved lil boy with all his sister there to help him as he grows and the example of his angel sister will be so precious. I am excited to see if he looks like Jon.

PS-Think of all the cute boy outfits! I love shopping for lil boys.

Julie said...

Oh this is such great news!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh boy! After two girls the boy thing has been very unique! They are so innately different!

Mama Mama Mama Mama. That's how life will be! How exciting....

Congratulations Steph!

Lori said...

I am so happy for you. God knew exactly what you needed.

Julie said...

PS. That ultrasound was pretty darn "clear"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ben and Taryn said...

My heart leaps for you. I have two sons and both are total mommas boys. They can be wild but so much fun. I think this boy is just what your family needs and it seems the Lord was looking out for you and blessing your whole family. Congrats!!!

Melissa said...

Congratulations!! Boys are wonderful (I have 4)!!
Melissa
www.yesallfivearemine.blogspot.com

Melissa-Mc said...

Like the Melissa's comment above me, boys are FUN. I have 4 boys also.

After my baby sister died, my mom had a baby boy. Although he didn't replace her, it was wonderful to have a little baby that had just come fresh from her presence.

Marcee said...

How exciting for all of you!! This will definately be a change for you guys, but a fun one! I have 4 boys and LOVE them!!!

Davis family said...

congratulations. I had 3 girls, then 4 boys. it was an adjustment. But we are very blessed to have each of them. You are a great mom, and your sweet baby boy is being born into a wonderful family.

Angie said...

Congratulations. I have both and while I definitely don't love one more than the other, there is such a difference in the relationships. I had a girl first and it's amazing how boys just love...differently. I'm happy for you.

lovinglife said...

Congrats!! Little boys have a special place in their Mommy's hearts forever. I have 3 girls and 2 boys. Each is so special. I'm very happy for you!!

Nate & Courtney said...

Congratulations on the little boy. I am a random girl who enjoys reading your blog. You have such a talent for writing. I just wanted to say thanks for the meltaway recipe, I used it for Christmas treats and everyone loved them. Thanks again!

The Sylvia's said...

I've read your blog for awhile now, and I thought I would finally comment! Congratulations on your little boy...I have a 16 month old daughter, and am 31 weeks pregnant with a little boy we are naming Grey. I come from a large family, and have 5 sisters and 2 brothers. I always thought I only wanted girls, but I too am excited about discovering that special relationship that a mom has with her son. I think your family is just lovely--Merry Christmas!

Susy said...

Yeah! A boy...I know that I don't know you but I'm so excited for you!

Randi said...

Oh my goodness, Oh my goodness! He is so cute already! Congratulations!!! Little boys are so much fun.

Shayla said...

I'm just a lurker, but I'm SO HAPPY for you & your sweet fam!
Boys are wonderful! Congrats!
XOXO from Idaho

Jennie said...

Congratulations! I had my first son on your due date. Baby boys aren't much different than baby girls. It's when they get a little older that I realized wow- boys are different! They are so much fun- and really, truly sweet and protective of mommy. I love that! I hope that finding out the gender, will help with the emotions/grief element of losing Camille. Best wishes to you!

April said...

Congratulations! What a lucky little man!

chanel said...

Congrats. I am having a boy for the first time too and without any of the emotional obstacles you face it is a hard adjustment. I have gone through so many different emotions and worries, just thought I'd share and say it is normal, and so on top of what you have had to cope with, don't be too hard on yourself. Take each day and each emotion as it comes and know as you've already learned in so many other circumstances your heart changes and grows and expands, and this little guy is just the child Heavenly Father knows you need at this time.
I also think its neat to think of how he and Camille must have had fun together before he left on his earthly mission.
All my best too you!

The Forney Four said...

While he won't ever be able to take the place in your arms that longs for your precious Camille, there is nothing like holding your baby boy in your arms. I can't describe it. As a woman who grew up with only women and then to give birth to two little boys, I just never imagined the sweetness. Though I long for pink on somedays, having two boyfriends and a husband is truly the ideal life. I'm so happy for you.

Heather H said...

What a lucky little guy to be born into your family. We have a little girl and a little boy and are expecting #3 the end of April. Our little boy is a crazy daredevil but he LOVES to be with mommy, you will love having a boy! Plus you get to shop for boy clothes and trucks and balls!

Nathan & Michelle Watabe said...

Stephanie,
I didn't read all the comments, so this might be a repeat, but I am SO happy for you to be having a son. I agree with all of your reasoning in your post. Plus, having one of each, I must say I think everyone should have at least one of each. I love having a son WAY more than I thought I would. There is a special bond. He's going to be your little man and think you are the most wonderful woman on earth. It's so special and fun. Congrats!

s g said...

Congrats on the baby boy, he will definitely tug on your heart strings in a different way, and it is all so great!

Looks like a lot of fun in the snow as well, I am loving the girl snow lady and her get-up :)!
Sara G.

Nan said...

He will be the BEST boyfriend you've ever had:) I swear.

Congratulations,
Leanne

Kate said...

Heartfelt congratulations on your happy news! That little boy is so lucky to come to a family with so much tenderness and love.

We're actually celebrating my son's 4th birthday tonight, even though his big day is on Sunday. (We tried to pick a day before all his aunts and uncles take off for the holidays.) But I have LOVED having him for my son. He's got boundless energy (and can't sit still for anything), but his sweet little personality, and natural kindness just brightens my life. Just today: "Mom, you're the best mom in all the planets. Even alien planets." :0)

Mariah said...

I check in on your blog often, but don't always leave comments. I just saw you're expecting a little boy. I, too, am expecting little boy number 3. I was relieved at first, because it would be cheap...I kept everything. Now I'm getting scared. Boys are full of so much energy, and they are perpetual motion. My second son has definate pin-ball tendencies. At the same time they provide the sweetest most tender moments, and that makes it all worth it. I wish you the best of luck, enjoy all that little boys entail!

Laura said...

Congratulations, that is so exciting. I am loving my little boy and all of his energy.

Laura

The NELSON Family said...

Congrats! That is awesome!!

Anonymous said...

Congratulations!! I'm so excited and happy for you. I hope it's not too personal to ask...Is he going to have a flower too like the girls? Thanks for sharing your great news!
--Patty (You don't know me. Just a fan!)

Anonymous said...

Oh wow Stephanie! I am so excited for you all. I have a boy and yes, the energy level (ie annoyance level for me) is much higher with him than with Charlotte! Got to love the differences!

Have a wonderful Christmas - I am off for a couple of weeks.

Love to you

Jane

Becky said...

CONGRATULATIONS! That is so exciting. Boys are so wonderful. I am so so happy for you.

Adam and Megan's Mom said...

This post brought tears to my eyes. Congratulations!

Stacey Ord said...

Wow! The best news of the day... by far! So so happy for you, Steph. You continue to amaze and inspire me every day. Love love!

Alisha said...

Congratulations! As a mom of two boys, I am confident you will absolutely love it! I now have my first daughter (8 months old) and I was so used to boys, but of course mothering comes naturally...so you will just know what to do and love it. =)

Rebecca said...

Boys are great! I'm not biased or anything... Congrats! the Winsborrows

LaRae said...

Oh my goodness! I had to skip ahead to read the news before reading the whole post. Stephanie & Jonathan - I am so excited for you. You do have a whole new world ahead of you and it is wonderful!

For us, it has been such a gift to have our little boy after all the sisters. We love each daughter so much, and it is a delight to see how different our son is from these sisters. I am sure you will be like me and watch in wonder as you see how so many things about being a boy that are so innate, just as so many things are about being a girl. I still marvel as I watch Ben hurl himself to the ground making karate movements and "boy" sounds or as he ensures that I acknowledge every time he tells me to look at another garbage truck or airplane. Just the other day we were putting up chairs after a school function & our 2 1/2 year old little man took it upon himself to attempt to take own and stack chairs. It was hilarious. Who taught him these things? No one - it's just who he is and so fascinating. When I found out we were having a boy I could not even comprehend what that meant. My brain could not wrap itself around the concept. I could not look at boy baby clothes, and I could not think of by names. Hopefully you're different than us since I see you hope to have an agreed upon name before delivery. Poor Ben came from the hospital without a name because neither of us knew what we liked.

I guess I tell you this because I felt the same way - that it does take some time to psyche yourself up for a boy when you are used to girls. But once he is here, any apprehension you may have will melt away immediately because as you say - a baby brings so much joy to a mother's heart. Congratulations!

Lisa & David said...

Congratulations! I have twin girls and a son - I love them equally, but it's different between sons and daughters - no doubt about it. I look forward to reading about your exploration of the new love and the differences!

Congrats again and Happy Holidays.

A friendly blog lurker!!

Anonymous said...

We have two boys and two girls, whom we love dearly. But I must admit, I would raise boys over girls any day! You are in for a wonderful experience. How fortunate for this young man to be borned into such a loving family. Heavenly Father has a great way of taking care of us! Congratulations!!

Heidi said...

Oh, boys are so much fun. You will love it! Congratulations little boy. You are getting a fantastic family!

Cynthia and Bryan said...

Congrats !! Baby boys are sooo sweet ! we have one of each and my baby boy is so much more snuggly, although he will wrestle anything that moves. He is the same age that Camille would be, his birthday was on April 17, 2007.

From the Grid and Beyond (Emily) said...

Congratulations! Sending love from Arizona: )

Leslie said...

I could totally tell from the 1st pic (not the, eh hem, anatomical one) that you had a little boy in there. Congratulations!

JB said...

Congratulations! I believe that when blessing us with our children, God gives us exactly what (who) we need at exactly the right time, all in His perfect wisdom. It will be different from having girls, but what a wondeful time to get to experience the unique joy of having a son!
I am still praying for you and your family every day.

Lindsey V said...

Congratulations! I am so happy for you! Boys are so sweet and fun! Yay!!

Amanda said...

lol- you have lots of comments:) It was so good to see you at school the other day- I think if you everyday! Congrats on a boy! I had 3 girls and then a boy. I have to admit that I had mixed emotions when I told it was a boy, I was just way to used to the girl thing. Boys are different and I love my little man more than I could ever have known possible. They are so fun to shop for:) I dress him like my husband:) They are sweet, senstive, and careing. What a blessing! You are in our prayers! Hang in there!!

Kr!sty said...

Congrats! I have 2 boys, you won't be disappointed. ;) They are busy & wild, but fun nonetheless. I LOVED having 2 brothers, so I am sure your daughters will love having theirs. He is coming to a very special home.

Tiffany said...

CONGRATS!!!

Tiffany said...

CONGRATS!!!

janalee said...

Oh, what wonderful news :) Boys are definitely different than girls- not better, but not at all the same experience.
Congratulations to you all,
janalee

Stephanie said...

I have one of each and they are both equally special. I love them both so much. I have been known to tell people that I believe my son(he's 3) loves me more than anyone else on the planet loves me. There is just something there. My daughter loves me alot, she is a total princess and momma's girl, but my son, he loves me "ininity"(Infinity). And tells me daily.

Melissa Everett said...

Congrats! I cant sit here and say that I know how you feel. Because I dont. But I can sit here and say that boys are awesome! I am a "Boy Mom" I have a 7 1/2 year old and a 1 1/2 year old. I LOVE the bond that I have with both of my boys. Someday real soon you will know what I am tlking about. I long for a baby girl. maybe some day! Again Congrats! Im so excited for your family!!

Jeremy and ShaLayne said...

Congrats!! Boy's are so much fun.

Lisa said...

Congratulations on this happy news! My oldest is a girl, but it's been nothin' but boys ever since! (3 boys) It's glorious and messy and hilarious and rambunctious and snails and puppy dog tails....

Thank you, thank you for all of the heart-felt and personal sentiments that you share. You must know how this is helping and teaching and uplifting people.

Merry Christmas!

Alliban said...

I've never left a comment before but I do know that this is so perfect for you. I come from three girls, I had three girls and then I got my reward ( I like to call him). He's completely different and he's wonderful. I'm actually glad he came at the end with the next one being 31/2 years older than him. It's a love that is so unique. I adore all my children. I'm just glad he's at the end to hang with his mama for a while as the others grow up so quickly. "Boy", are you gonna have fun and Lauren will be fine too. They'll probably end up being wonderful friends I'm sure!

Colleen said...

Congratulations! We had 6 girls before we were blessed with a boy. I was so shocked (we didn't know he was a boy until his birth)! What a wonder and a joy he is. He is just 8 months old now, but we are so enjoying him.