Saturday, November 8, 2008

Lovely Dreams

This was taken a year and a week ago at my brother's wedding.
It is my mom and Camille. She was about this age in last night's dream.

The last two nights Camille has been in my dreams. The dreams have not been about her. She just has been around in them. I woke this morning from a dream that we returned from our date last night and I ran upstairs to get something. When I came down, the babysitter who we really did have last night was in the office holding Camille. I said "oh did she wake up?"

"Yes, she was crying," replied the sitter. Then I took her from the baby sitter and held her. Then I woke up to the morning sun pouring through the windows in my room.

The times before that I have seen Camille in my dreams I have woken up so sad. In fact, I have not wanted to be awake at all. I have tried to go back to sleep to be with her again. But it has been many months since I last saw her in a dream. I think I wrote about the last time I dreamt about her. 

These last two mornings I have woken up with a joyful feeling. I have not tried to go back to sleep. I have felt a new brightness for the day and even a cheerful outlook. Now I will not say this has lasted all day. I still have gotten cranky when the pregnancy related digestive issues starting wearing on me. But waking up I feel good. I am grateful for that. And I am really grateful for the dreams. They remind me how much Camille is still a part of our little family.

19 comments:

Sue said...

Well, let's face it...No one feels top notch when they're nauseated!

I think it's great that you were able to have such a vivid dream and wake up feeling uplifted rather than bereft. This has to be a sign of healing.

May you enjoy many more of these (lovely) dreams in the future to help you hold Camille close in your heart until you can actually hold her in your arms.

The NELSON Family said...

That is a beautiful picture. I love in-the-moment type pictures!

Marylin and Jimmy said...

Oh I love that dream! I have had dreams with friends and family that have passed and when I wake I am so grateful for their visits, although there are many a time when I wished to still be sleeping. So glad that the sun is shining on you!! :)

Marcee said...

What a wonderful way to start your day... and a beautiful picture of your darling baby and your mom!

Amanda said...

What a lovely everyday kind of dream. I think she knows how hard things have been for you and she just wanted to remind you she's still there.

The Tehvand Trio said...

Emma has been in my dreams the last few nights too ... same thing. Not about her, but she was in them. And last night as I was falling asleep, I swear I heard her laughing. It's a beautiful picture.
I've meant to ask you, could you please add rachel_erin@tehvand.com to the private blog? This is the email address I use for the website. I'd really appreciate it.

mckenna said...

What a tender mercy from the Lord and from Camille for you. I hope they continue as you need them.

Mimi's Toes said...

How special that God gives you these dreams to help you stay close to her. I loved reading this post. It made me feel so peaceful and happy.

Heidi said...

What a lovely start to your days. I'm so glad your dreams of Camille make you so happy! And that picture is absolutely stunning. Camille is incredibly gorgeous.

Chris and Julie said...

Camille is absolutely beautiful! I want to reach through that picture and just hold her. You are such a darling mother, and look up to you so much!

Anonymous said...

I hope there are more of them, Stephanie.

Love to you

Jane

Shanan said...

this post made me smile. I hope you have many more happy dreams with Camille in them!

Julie said...

What a comforting dream. Your mom looks absolutely radiant. I love this picture. I hope you had a nice day and I am glad you a feeling a little better. Thanks Steph for sharing.

The Holland Family said...

When I dream of my little Mia, I feel as if I have just been with her when I wake up. It is such a great feeling for me. I hope you felt as if you were blessed with a visit from Camille - Nicole in Kanab

Jonelle said...

Stephanie- I am so glad your dreams and wakings are getting better and more wonderful. I think of the Calvin and Hobbes quote, “I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each other's dreams, we can be together all the time.” A belated congrats on your pregnancy. I am overjoyed for you! I hope you feel well soon!:)

Kim N said...

I am delurking. This post warmed my heart when I read it. My grandpa, who lived next door to me all my years growing up and I was very close to, passed away about fifteen years ago and I had a hard time with it. I have had maybe 5-6 dreams like you have described of my grandfather and I can almost feel the peace and warmth I felt when I just think of the dreams. I look at each dream as a gift from my loving Heavenly Father. (and my grandpa!)

I am glad you are able to have these moments with your sweet baby.

Maggie May said...

Gosh look at her. Camille absolutely glows with beautiful joy.

Bridget said...

How wonderful for you!

Evan hasn't been in any of my dreams. After reading your post, now I have hope that some night he will be.

I've read some of the angry posts. Sometimes, I get angry...but it's not about Evan passing away. It's that the kids aren't listening or picking up their toys or just putting their shoes on so we can go somewhere. I get so frustrated...and the frustration comes easily.

While everyone needs to grieve in their own way, I'm aware that I need to make some changes so that my living children don't suffer because of my frustration or shortness of patience. It's a constant battle within me.

www.adorn-jewelry.blogspot.com said...

She is beautiful in this picture. I think you look so much like your mom now too! I am glad you had these dreams with your beautiful camille in them. what a great blessing. i am glad they are not making you sad. i have been so emotional about camille lately. i have felt sad that i can't relieve your pain. i am thankful for the progress you are making through the grieving process. you are amazing.