Thursday, October 30, 2008

A Gift

Jon's cousin Dana stayed with us a year ago. He just found this picture of Camille on his cell phone from that trip. Thanks Dana for sending it. It is such a gift. I know it isn't the best photo quality but I love it. I love that I can see the girly shape of her eyes in it. I love the reminder of this time of her life when she loved to gnaw on her high chair tray.

It is a strange thing to see pictures of your deceased child that you didn't know existed. Each one is like seeing something new your child has done. Just when you thought you had seen every picture and had consigned yourself to the fact that there won't be any new moments. There won't be any more photos. There won't be any new things to learn. 

Just then, sometimes you get a special gift like this. A glance at your child you didn't see during her life. A new picture. It is a treasure beyond description.

40 comments:

Marleen said...

It is such a cute picture of her. Such a beautiful baby. So wonderful that Dana found it. I hope you receive many treasures throughout your years here on Earth.

Jennie said...

I am sure you will treasure this, and each photo you have of Camille. I have a picture of my friend's daughter,who passed away. It was taken at my house, and I thought she had it already. I realized a couple of years later that she didn't have it, and when she received it, I know she had tears of joy and told me how grateful she was to have another 'new' picture.

Erin said...

It's such a cute picture! And what a beautiful explanation of what it means to you.

my stay-at-home-momma drama said...

What a beautiful picture to accompany your beautiful sentiments.

Miss Molly said...

I was just telling my friends this morning while we were hiking about the unexpected and wonderful gift of getting a photo of Lucy emailed to me. It IS wonderful, isn't it? And it makes you miss them all over again. But something new to remember and cherish.

Shanan said...

Thanks for sharing the picture! She is such a precious little one!

Huggins family said...

that is so sweet, i remember on justin's phone i found a picture of him and his grandpa. it was so bittersweet

Noorda Notebook said...

that is soo cool. i can't totally understand since i haven't been in your shoes, but for some reason i kind of felt it when i read your post. i got chills and tears in my eyes. camille was so beautiful. it's really good to see her again.

TMI said...

That is a precious gift. I am so happy for you to have one more memory of cute Camille.

Mandi said...

That's awesome. i am glad you have another treasured moments. She is a beauty!!

Jay and Jen's Life said...

Absolutely beautiful Stefanie! What a special photo. I purchased a Camille bracelet for my daughter and I and I think about your precious Camille every time I glance at it throughout the day. She has certainly impacted my life for the better. Thank you for your blog.

Mimi's Toes said...

Oh, how special. Her eyes are beautiful. Yes, what a gift to receive.

Julie said...

Stephanie, she is beautiful. I can understand what you mean about seeing something "new" of her. She has your eyes. Very well written thank you for sharing such a special moment.

Anonymous said...

Beautiful.

Love,

Jane

Rach said...

What a precious gift.

I know whenever we find a camera tossed away or a forgotten thumb drive we always hold our breath and *pray* there are unseen photos of Miss Hannah on it.

Kathryn_m said...

Such gorgeous blue eyes ... that little porcline nose .... those dimpled l'il hands .... an emerging hairline inherited from her Mom ... yes, just as cute as a button!

A gift to be treasured.

Love 'n hugs,
kathryn_m

Cardalls said...

i have a dear friend who lost her husband at age 35...i just found some pictures of her and her husband at my wedding dinner (12 years ago). i sent them to her and she said it was like christmas morning, she hung them up in her room for a couple of weeks because it was like seeing him all over again.

ellen said...

My brother died at age 39 (10 years ago) and a friend recently sent me a picture of him as a teenager--a picture I had never seen. I had a negative made and made copies for all of my family and his kids. It's one of my favorite pictures of him. That is a sweet picture of your baby. :)

Christina said...

wow, this post just took my breath away. Beautifully worded and a beautiful picture. I can imagine feeling that same way. What a sweet, sweet gift from Heavenly Father, like He saved it just for right now :)

Olsens R Us said...

I am new to your blog. A dear friend, whose daughter passed away in a car accident one year ago suggested it to me. I am so glad that she did. Your forthrightness and desire to allow others to walk alongside you as you try to make your way is a gift. I am so sorry that it took the loss of Camille for me to find you, and that somehow your loss is blessing my life. But thank-you for the gift you give with each new post. I am often amazed by the faithfulness of women who have such heavy burdens to carry- I don't know why it surprises me, as I know Who you rely on as the source of strength. But it amazes me just the same that you somehow manage to teach us all so much, even as you struggle to learn life's hardest lessons. I once told my friend that each time I was with her, it was like a master class in faithfulness. That is how I felt when I read your blog. Clearly, I have so very much to learn.

Stephanie said...

What an amazing unexpected treasure. You once again brought me to tears!

I also treasure every picture of my children. It allows me to see the experience from a different perspective. A moment forever gone, yet forever captured. Many times there are pictures I decided were "bad" but when I see them after time has passed I long for that moment again--I wish I had treasured the moment as it occurred the way I treasure it in my heart now.
(I think I met my monthly quota for the use of the word 'treasure' (: )

I can only imagine and try to empathize with you as a friend and as a fellow mother--I still ache for your loss and grief. Thank you for allowing me to grow with you along your journey.

Camille looks beautiful and as always, her eyes take center stage!

Michelle said...

What a sweet picture. I know this made you smile.

Kelli said...

Tender mercies:)

Love Kelli

Anonymous said...

I know this is off subject. I love your blog and I wanted to share a specific post with one of my friends that is having a hard time. It is the one where you talk about doing something physical, social, etc. everyday. Can you or anyone remember the day or the title to that post? Thanks!
-Julie

Anonymous said...

Of course right after I send a comment I found the post I was looking for! =)
-Julie

twwells said...

I love your blog. I am a new follower but have fallen in love. If you read these comments I wonder if you would maybe answer a question?!? A friend of ours passed away about two weeks ago. He was an awesome young man, had his mission call, and was SO READY to serve. He died in a car accident. His mother is struggling so much. She won't leave her home. What can I say? What can I do? Will anything help her with her greif? I cry for her. As much as we miss our friend, she lost a son. At the right time I want to show her this blog. I know it will help to lift her spirits on the days she is down. Thanks!!

Hoskins Family said...

A treasure beyond any valuables found on this earth. Beautiful!

Stephanie said...

twwells,

You can see I have done a few posts back in August maybe about what to do for friends who have suffered a loss. their titles are something like How to Treat A Friend who has suffered a Loss Parts 1 2 and a couple of months later I did part 3.

Hope they help.

Steph

Stephanie said...

twwells,
Sorry it was probably in july, not august.
steph

Momza said...

Precious. Truly a gift.

Heidi said...

Oh, how wonderful. I'm so glad you got it and I hope you get more.

Melinda said...

It is absolutely beautiful. Her eyes are gorgeous. I'm happy for you.

Maggie May said...

She's so beautiful. I see what you mean about her eyes. I just want to kiss her up...one hundreth the fraction the feeling of what longing you must feel. Thank you for sharing this beautiful girl with us.

The Wheelers said...

The Hymn I Know That My Redeemer Lives, came to my mind while reading this post.

"He lives, all glory to His Name!
He lives, my Jesus, still the same.
Oh, the sweet joy this sentence gives,
I know that my Redeemer lives!

Because Christ overcame the grave, Camille will be the same precious & beautiful daughter when you see her again.

Just me! said...

She is so beautiful!

The Queen said...

She was (is) such a beautiful baby. The Hoskins used to be in our ward and Leonard came back to speak last Sunday. He started talking about a funeral that he and his family had gone to this summer and all of a sudden he was telling Camille's story. I was bawling the whole time. I was touched all over again with the comfort and courage you found from prayer and the scriptures.

And at the risk of rambling here, do you think Camille's spirit is a baby now? I have always wondered about that. I know we've been told that mother's who lose their babies will have them back to raise in the millennium, but what about in the meantime? Are they being watched over, played with and enjoyed by a mother and father who in this life never got to have children, and are waiting for the millennium to have some of their own? Are they adult spirits who go around doing missionary work in heaven? My sil, who is Catholic, lost a baby to SIDS and she said once she thought she felt his presence as an adult. Any thoughts?

GDR said...

I know EXACTLY what you mean........ 30 years ago, a few MONTHS after Ambure's death, a neighbor brought me such a gift. It was such a wonderful surprise. I'm happy for you.

Stephanie said...

to "the Queen" --
Please read my post entitled "answers for kathryn M." I wrote it in Oct. It tells all about this and cites where the info comes from.

in short, all spirits who leave this life are adult. that is the natural state of our spirits before we are born and it what we become after. aged people become younger to match their natural adult prime spirit state and children return to the adult statue that their spirit was before they were born.

hope that helps,
stephanie

Kelsi said...

She is precious! What a beautiful gift! It is amazing to think when we snap a picture that we might just be capturing a treasure!

Kim said...

This is indeed a treasure. Tears.