Monday, September 1, 2008

Remembering

Remembering

Remembering is so painful, 
It just makes me want to forget. 
I pull my mind to the present,
 to keep me from feeling regret.

I cruise through days nearly normal,
Enjoying life, children and love.
I feel healing, strength and wisdom,
Pouring down from heaven above. 

Then out of the blue, a trigger,
A gesture, a phrase, a sweet laugh,
Remind me of tastes, sounds and smells,
I want preserved like photographs.

The lobe of her ear in my mouth,
Her head tucked tight under my chin,
Her smell just fresh out of the bath,
Her eyes, her kisses, her soft skin.

Faced with all I have forgotten,
Her taste, her laugh, her cry, her smell.
Forgetting is just so painful
I want to remember her well.

45 comments:

Hoskins Family said...

Beautiful Sentiments!

Marylin and Jimmy said...

I love this post because with the birth of my third child I feel myself trying to remember every little thing about him. I have done it even more so since I began reading your blog! Stephanie my heart aches for you and I hope you feel my prayers and thoughts. You describe all the things that I love about my children thank you for sharing.

Anonymous said...

beautiful.

Anonymous said...

Memories can be such a double-edged sword - they have the power to sear us to the bone but also to soothe our souls.

Stephanie & Jon: I have had a significant health set back so I haven't finished all the material you so generously provided.

It is truly awesome reading and I look forward to getting back at it as soon as possible.

Such a beautiful sentiment you've expressed here, Stephanie.

From our home to yours,
blessings & prayers,
kathryn_m

(I couldn't get my google account to work tonight - hence the anonymous)

2 + 2 = 4 said...

Oh, this makes me weep!

This is so true...so true!

Shanan said...

simply beautiful, Steph. the words and image are breathtaking.

A Farmer's Wife said...

Beautiful, sweet and heart breaking! I am so sorry for your loss! I cannot imagine what each day must be like for you! I sometimes feel like I can't handle my own life and I have nothing so difficult to deal with! I need to do better and follow your example! You are very strong and very inspiring. Thank you for your candor!

gma dibb said...

Beautiful thoughts.

rebecca said...

Good job pressing forward stephanie. I can only imagine how hard it is. I pray for you that remembering is less painful each day.

Mandi said...

that is a great poem. I have been reading your blog for some time now and just now leaving comments. You are truly amazing. I have been so depressed and hating myself for who knows why, but trying to figure it all out, and trying to find the lord. I am a memeber just like you but I am struggling, and not sure what to do. I know i need to rely on the lord, but not sure how to go about it. I am truly afraid of him and the strength he could give me. He is so powerful, and wonderful, i know this, but don't feel it. Any suggestions? my email address is: mandeemore@gmail.com I do think about you and enjoy reading your blog. Hope your are feeling better also. Stinks to be sick. You are amazing. I hope it gets a little easier for you everyday!

Anonymous said...

This was a sad one Stephanie - my heart is aching - I can't imagine what you are going through. I pray the Lord will place His healing hands upon you and give you some peace.

Miss Molly said...

So perfectly expressed. I must see you soon.

Rebecca said...

Hi Stephanie.

I've been reading your posts for over a month now, and I'm hooked. I love your perspective, and I'm grateful for the empathy you have helped me to feel, and for the ways in which your words have prompted me to be better and do more good. I have to say that I love your poetry more than almost anything else you've posted...except maybe your Christmas in July post. I love that one, too.

Thank you for sharing.

cynphil6 said...

Stephanie and Jon,

May the Lord continue to carry your sweet family through this time. My "mother" heart ACHES for you! I know many people are praying for you, and I know you will feel their strength. You are
AMAZING and just remember that however you need to grieve is OK!
xoxoxoxo
Cynthia

Laura said...

Beautiful!
You don't know me and I don't know you (though I feel like I do)
I wish I could do something to take some of your pain away. Camille's sweet soul will never be far from you.
Good bless you!

Adam and Megan's Mom said...

Sending you a hug today.

a.k.a. Jack said...

Beautiful!

Heather said...

for sure the tears today.. that was beautiful & i have the chills from reading it!
You amaze me......

xoxo

Leslie said...

Stephanie, it's the ultimate "if men never had bitter, they could not know the sweet". Your pain is in remembering and yet it is in remembering that you also have joy. It's such a hard thing to balance, just something you have to keep in its place and take from it what you will with the knowledge you have of the plan for our lives. Such a beautiful picture and little girl, you have every right to miss her so much and to take the moments to remember.

Larsen Mom said...

Inspiring and beautiful. Thank you!

Shaundee said...

Thank you for sharing. The second I saw the image on your page I couldn't help but tear up. You give me strenght each day. I pray for you and your sweet family. Thank you again for sharing.

kdskids said...

Precious Baby Girl...
Beautiful Inspiring Mama....

Love to you all.

Hugs,
Kathy

Kevin and Jamie said...

Even though you often make me cry, you also help me to remember to appreciate my beautiful children. Thanks for being so awesome.

Marleen said...

Beautiful.

Melissa-Mc said...

This is a beautiful poem. I continue to pray for you and your sweet little family.

Kathryn said...

A beautiful poem...you are great at getting to know your own feelings and realizing how to use them to become a better person. I enjoy that so much about you and it continues to show itself in your blog.
Hugs.

Me said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Char said...

What a beautiful way to capture the rememberings. My heart aches for you, my prayers go up to our Father for you. You have a gift with words.

Anonymous said...

Beautiful and truly heartbreaking!
I am sending you a hug too!

Anonymous said...

Big hugs for you all.

Love

Jane

Darleen said...

Camille has been on my mind a lot lately. We talk about her alot in our house. I'm so glad you have timeless pictures to remember her little parts.

Cuddle Cottage said...

Stephanie, this post makes me ache for you. May you sleep soundly tonight and may your dreams be the sweetest ones.

Darren and Nikki said...

Beautiful Steph. Your words are so beautiful but not as gorgeous as your little Camille.

Heidi said...

Oh, Stephanie, this makes my heart ache for you. I pray that you will be able to remember everything about your dear Camille.

s g said...

What a beautiful poem Stephanie...thanks for sharing and reminding us how sweet the memories are of dear Camille.
Sara G.

Anonymous said...

sending you a hug, praying for you to have comfort. Thank your for letting us read these beautiful words each day.

JB said...

Your poem was beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing that and for inspiring me be a better parent. I had a really bad day with my 3 year old yesterday-she got mad and pushed me while I was cooking and I burned my hand. Before I could even get angry, I remembered what you said about seeing them through our Heavenly Father's eyes, and that led me to talk to her patiently and compassionately about what she did.
I don't know you, but I pray for you every day. You and sweet Camille have made me a better mom.

Just me! said...

Precious!

Kelsi said...

What a beautiful poem! I too am sending a hug your way today!

Mimi's Toes said...

Stephanie, I read the comment from jb and I know that must make you feel so good, to know you are helping other mother's out there.
This poem and picture are so pure and words can't describe how I felt reading it. Thank you for sharing with us everyday.

Anonymous said...

That is so beautiful - and true. Thanks for your testimony and example.

courtneynielson said...

this is a beautiful poem.

i appreciate the thoughts you share with us. i feel like a better mom by doing so.

i really feel like you are remembering her well.

with love, courtney

The High Family- said...

I have been reading your blog for some time now, which I hope you don't mind. Your writing has such profound sincerity. Thank you for sharing your heart and family, especially your sweet Camille. It is truly an honor to read your blog.

Adventures in Heywood said...

Having lost my baby... all I can say is... this sucks!!! :)

happycfam said...

I'm crying reading this beautiful, yet heart breaking poem. Your family is still in our prayers. I'm so inspired by you and your words. Thank you for letting us have a glimpse into your life and your heart.