Thursday, August 28, 2008

The Wonders of Being Sick


I have to give a shout out to my awesome sister Lesli. I have not been feeling well and she has helped with the blog, my calling in Young Women's, and today she came over and cleaned my whole kitchen. Les, you are heaven sent.

So this is the first time I have really been sick since Camille died. I was sick when Camille died with a nasal thing that seemed to drag on forever after. Now however, I have been fighting a fever, chills, and body aches. 

The funny thing is, I actually feel so much better inside than I have in a long time. I don't know if I am delirious from the fever, or if it just feels like all the inside pain is taking a backseat to the teeth chattering chills, but I almost feel like my life is -- normal?

How can that be? I don't know. And frankly, I am not too worried about it. I want to get to a place where I feel this way more often. So I am riding it out as long as it will last. 

I have had a few thoughts this week in my deliriously normal mind. We grievers hold on so closely to our grief as if it is the last piece of our child. It feels subconsciously like letting go of the grief is letting go of the child. This is not true. 

God did not allow us to suffer this trial with the intent that we spend the rest of our lives in sorrow. Rather, we are to learn to bear the sorrow with broader shoulders than we thought possible and find joy once more in our lives.  I really believe that I have suffered this trial for purposes so vast that only my Creator knows their entirety.

No it is not the grief we must cling to, it is the love. The trick is that they are so linked. I suppose there will always be sorrow in the separation. That is only natural. But I want my sorrow to be the kind that is over powered by joy. 

Joy in the blessing my daughter was and is to me and my family. Joy in my work here on this earth. Joy in the work my daughter is engaged in beyond the veil. Joy in my other beautiful children. Joy in my relationship with my husband. Joy in the Savior. Joy in the love from all those angels in heaven who have stood by me in every time of need. Joy in the love of a Heavenly Father I trust implicitly.

Enough from my fevered brain. May I share a quote from William Wordsworth:

"There is a comfort in the strength of love;
'T will make a thing endurable, which else
Would overset the brain, or break the heart."

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hi Stephanie,

I was wondering where you were. I missed your words!

Love to you,

Jane

Mimi's Toes said...

Wow, you are still an amazing writer even with a fever and chills. There must be something about the name "Stephanie", cause my daughter Stephanie from Adventures in babywearing is also an amazing writer! I am so glad I gave her that name! You take care...cover up with your favorite bankie, drink hot green tea, chicken noodle soup and Get Well!

gma dibb said...

Beautiful words, as usual. What would we do without family is our times of need?
Love to you and your family.

Rhonda said...

I was introduced to your blog by a friend, and I've been following it for about 2 weeks. I've never left a comment before, but your words really touched me today. I just wanted to tell you how truly AMAZING I think you are. Your words always hit my heart so strong, and I'm so grateful for your powerful testimony. Thanks for being you!

Liz's Blog said...

sorry to hear your aren't feeling well. i'm glad your sister is there to help out. Hope you feel better soon! Thank you for your post today, I believe and know it is true. Thank you for being an inspiration to not just me, but to many.

www.adorn-jewelry.blogspot.com said...

Never thought I'd say this but I am sure glad you are sick:)
great post!
I love you.
em

Nathaly said...

What a beautiful quote. And it's so true.

Thanks for the inspiring and uplifting scoop today. I hope you feel better soon.

christieadelle said...

I have been out of touched lately, but Tanya called me yesterday and told me about the auction. She thought I would want to donate a photography sitting, and of course she was right. It looks like it is over, but if you decided to do another one or would like to auction of anymore items, I would love to donate it. It would be a 1-2 hour photo session for up to 4 people. I would include all photo rights and a high-resolution CD. It would need to be exclusive to people in the Salt Lake City/Utah Valley area.It is a $250 value.
You can see my blog at http://christieadelle.typepad.com

Hope you are feeling better.
Thanks so much!

tiffunny said...

You're just amazing Stephanie and that's all I have to say. (i've been following your blog since June and you never cease to impress me with your strength, your honesty, your testimony - thanks for helping all of us be better people each and every day!)

Kelly And Andy said...

I totally agree!!!!!!I hope you feel better soon!!!

AZMarianos said...

Hi - I am a frequent lurker of your blog and I just had to say that I think you are completely amazing! I have come across your blog several times over the last few months and have felt prompted to leave comments a few times. Unfortunately I haven't left any comments because I felt like I didn't have anything to add. I have been frequently impressed by your unshakable, awe inspiring faith. Your words are beautiful and definitely help to build the testimonies of many. I love your honesty in the way you put your emotions and feelings into words. I haven't experienced a loss such as yours but have been through some experiences that have definitely shaken my personal faith but reading your blog reminds me that we can do this! We were put here on earth at this time, having been prepared, and it will be hard and sometimes seem unbearable but we can do it! Reading your amazing testimony reminds me of that all the time. Thank you and my prayers are definitely with you!

Anonymous said...

Is Jon working on his next blog entry??

I'm waiting for it....I need another recipe and another re-affirmation of my love for daggy 80's music.

Jane!