Monday, July 21, 2008

SNOW!!!

Last night I dreamt we were at the cabin in July and as we drove down the road suddenly there was snow everywhere. People were skiing and sledding and playing. The best part was that it wasn't cold outside and the snow wasn't cold. It was about 6 inches deep and I wanted so much to just get busy playing in it. I was with my parents in the car and I told them, "We HAVE to go get Annie from the Cabin!!!"

They went to go get her and I ... well, I played in the snow. 

This morning I woke up with that dream still vivid in my mind and with genuine hope and excitement. This is the first morning since the accident that I can honestly say that. Here is the reason why:
My Snow Angels!

Rachel and Elizabeth, two of my sister in laws, are in town! We are doing fun activities with the kids and enjoying lots of girl time. We are enjoying the "Christmas in July" season. I love these women. I am so excited to have them in town. 

So, determined to ride the high I am feeling as long as possible, we packed up the cousins and headed to the water park. My friend Catherine joined us and brought some fun cups to put on the water spouts. We had fun getting wet and watching the cups fly.

Here is cousin Berk in the foreground putting cups on the spouts. Cousin Stella, Annie and I are trapped in the back waiting for the fountains to stop so we can put cups on too.
Here are Annie, me, and Lauren after we have been playing in the water fountains.

Family time is so fun ... well at least for some of us. I don't think Charlotte or Hugh were enjoying themselves in this photo below. I was having a great time though. I know Camille would be proud of her Mama for finally having a real "living" day. A sort of "snow" day in the middle of the summer.

Thanks to Elizabeth for taking the photos and for letting me use her big old camera to take the photo of her and Rachel.

40 comments:

Anonymous said...

I am so glad you had a fun day. You and your girls need that. I'm jealous sitting at work looking at your pictures. You really do look like you had a great time.

Still thinking about you every day.

Danielle

Carolyn said...

How wonderful was your dream! I love that. Rachel and Elizabeth are beautiful snow angels. You look happy Stephanie, and I love Annie with her wet hair. Love you.

Amanda said...

That is so great to hear. I am sure you will have more of those. You are such a great example to all of us! Thanks so much for sharing! There are so many out there that truley care for you and your sweet family!!!

Anonymous said...

I read your blog everyday and draw from you incredible testimony. I have a friend who is on his death bed after 8 years of cancer. Your Christmas in July note was exactly the answer to my prayer. I needed so much to be reminded of a time and a season for everything. When he does pass and he will join my father and older brother on the other side of the vail that is so thin. Now I have even more angels watching over me and my children. What a blessing that is even on out hardest days.

Selfishly I read everyday so that I can draw from your strength. Thank you for being the instrument that God used to answer my prayer.

Jen

Marleen said...

Looks like fun. I'm glad you have some snow angels around. Annie and Lauren are so cute in the photo with you. I'm hoping the snow will last. Have some more fun.

Hammy said...

Rachel makes me happy too. I know she is glad to be with family this summer, but we look forward to having her back in Dallas. Thanks for letting us read your beautiful blog. Your family sparkles with faith and love despite sorrow and trials. What great examples to the rest of us.

Love,
Big Fans of the Harris Family

noorda notebook said...

such a fun day. i can't get enough of water play in the summertime. i'm so glad you're sisters-in-law are here to play. family rocks.

cat

Kathryn said...

Looks like fun! I loved your Christmas in July post and have thought about it so much since I read it last night. So to check just now and find out about your dream makes me smile! I'm glad you have your sil's there...so wonderful. Thank you for sharing your amazing faith. Love you!

Darren and Nikki said...

I have to work - BOO! Looks so fun, wish I was there! But more importantly - I am glad you had fun with the kiddies at the water park. The pictures didn't lie. :)

Love you,

Nikki

Maine Mom said...

What a great picture of your "snow angels" and the other pictures show so much fun! I'm glad you had a great day. :-)

Ivens Events said...

What a fun day!!! I'm so happy for you and your family. You sure needed it.

Darleen said...

I love when visitors are in town. Keeps life busy and exciting. Have lots of fun!

Anonymous said...

I am a blogger and today, by chance I came across your blog. I have 4 children and as I read your posts I felt myself and my own life mirror in your frustrations and daily life occurances. I felt the pain when you lost your daughter, cried through your courage and rejoiced in your happiness.

One big difference. My dad died in 1995 and with him, I lost all sense of God and whether he cared for me or loved me. Unlike you I did blame him, blamed him for the things that he would not allow to happen, blamed him for taking my daddy. Always blame, hurt and and anger. Then wondering why, why, why was God ignoring me.

I have felt like a bad mother through years and years of getting angry at children being children and yet......Reading your blog has made me realize something very important. It's not God who has been ignoring me, I've been ignoring him. He's always been here, still holding me, loving me, protecting me, just not answering my every whim in the way that I want. He's been doing things in his time, his way. Thanks to you and your wonderful posts, your good heart, your love for your family and your strength and love of God, I know that he's here. Always has been here I just have to look up to him instead of looking past him. I'm also seeing that I am a good mother, every book read, hand held and hug that I reciprocate to my children...a single act of anger does not change my love for them. Just as God has not changed his love for me while I've so selfishly pushed him out of my life.

Though we will probably never meet and we will never know each other. I truly, truly, thank God for you!!! Thank you for making me stop to count my blessings.

Tiffany said...

Oh, I am so, SO happy for your "snow day"! Family is wonderful and I'm glad you had a "living day today". Even though we've never met, I'm praying for you everyday!!

MaryClaire said...

i sure do love those two girls too. i'm so glad they're there to help you ride your high. i have a feeling they and their kids are perfect for that task, and they'll keep that high going longer than you think.

Anonymous said...

Stephanie-

I have been thinking a lot about you since I heard about Camille. It was great to see you at church on Sunday. I enjoy reading your blog and I am glad to see how well you do at seeing Gods hand in your life. I think that that is one of your strong spiritual gifts. I have thought back to when we were roommates and the many times that you used your spiritual gift to be able to discern Gods hand not only in your life but many times in mine too. I wanted to thank you for that, I think that it is wonderful that you have continued to strengthen this gift. Now as I read your blog you are helping me again, letting me see the value of the little things with my kids and realizing that I need to slow down and enjoy my children instead of getting caught up in how difficult and time consuming it is. Thank-you for that too. I am glad that you are finding happiness and that you are having a snow day!! And that you realize it is okay to be happy...you deserve it. You are such an example to me with your strong faith and spirituality and I know that as time passes you will continue to feel more and more at peace with Camille. Enjoy your week with your sisters-in-law, you are lucky to have them!!

Nannette

Meredith said...

Hi, you dont know me...but I read your blog daily. Im not sure if I have commented or not...but I think about you and your family often and pray for you often as well. My heart truly aches for you. I was SO happy to read this post and see that you had a fun day, you deserve it!
And i LOVE the picture of the cabin with the river...i want to go there!!!

Liz's Blog said...

Hola my friend! I hope this comment counts, even though I am at your house as I write it! Ride the highs when they come....they are a tender mercy from our Heavenly Father. I am so grateful for my "snow angels" here on Earth with us also. Looks like ya'll had a blast!

Laura said...

I felt compelled to comment on your blog. I see that you get many comments and that you inspire a lot of people. I too am inspired. I had a friend who recently recommended your blog on her most recent posts. It was exactly what I needed to read tonight. Your story and strength of enduring trials well are amazing. I feel inspired to reach a little higher and do a little more to be better. Thankyou for sharing your thoughts and you truly do have a gift. You should write a book for sure. I kindof understand what your going through because we lost our 11 year old sister when I was in Highschool. It was a tragic accident as well. Many of the things you describe as you are recieving spiritual help brought back those memories. Thankyou again. Keep it up.

Tami said...

Hi Stephanie. I am mom of Joy, one of "Lucy's fellow angels." I thought I would introduce myself and let you know that you inspire me daily. Thank you. We just hit the six month mark and it's been hard. You have such a way with words. Thanks for sharing so much of yourself with all of us. Sending Love, Tami

cmomof2 said...

these pictures radiate joy! Thanks for sharing! The best times are spent with family! No one can let their hair down and have some youthful fun like family can!

ashley said...

hi. thanks for the comment on my blog, i waned to comment yesterday as i read but really could not find the words to say to you. i am so glad that there are strong and amazing people like you that we can draw strength from.
once again i don't have the words but thank you.
and glad to see you are having fun with your snow angels!

MelancholySmile said...

I'm so happy for you! I love those kinds of days, especially when they come when you {or I} think they are not even possible. Someday snow days will be the norm. :) Still thinking and praying for you and your family.

Anonymous said...

I have always felt there is something good to enjoy in every season. The snow is white and beautiful, cool and fresh and there is a peaceful silence with its presence. Then after the cold snow comes the warmth of the sun and a rebirth of all things.
I pray you will have many more good days like you had yesterday.

Ryan & Martha said...

So fun to see a pic of E and Rachel! I'm glad you are all together and making many new memories you will cherish forever. Keep those coming, and while they may not be as often as you want now, they will continue and help you get through the hard times.

Mimi's Toes said...

Oh those ladies are simply beautiful as well as yourself. I love that dream since I am a Snow lover. I believe God gives us our dreams. That waterpark was the perfect fun place for all those kids. You look like you are starting to get your Joy back for at least this day. Camielle was probably right by your side having fun as well. I love Christmas in July!

Shanan said...

How fun! The pictures say it all. I hope you're able to continue having feelings of hope and enjoyment when you wake up this week with family in town! Love you!

Rach said...

Yay! Enjoy the high and don't worry about the lows.

Looks like you all had a gloriously fun day! :o)

Camille said...

so fun! it looks like you had such a great day, and how could you not with rache & e by your side. those two can brighten any room. i am glad you are getting to spend some fun quality "snow" days with them ;) i hope everyday has some element of this particular day in it for you. you deserve it!!

Rachel said...

Those water parks in Vegas are the best, not only for the much needed cooling off in the summer heat, but there's nothing that brings the playful kid out in you quite like running through, or trying not to be hit by, all that water. Your comment about how Camille would be proud of you touched me. I think you're absolutely right.

McGiven Family.... said...

Hi...my name is Sarah. I am friends with some of the girls in your ward and found your blog through them. I look at your blog daily and am inspired by your testimony and strength. Thank you for sharing your experience with everyone, you are truly an inspiration. You are an amazing woman and mother. What a wonderful blessing to have been able to be the mother to one of Heavenly Father's choice children. I have been touched by your writings and will continue to pray for you and your beautiful family!

Ressa said...

I am a new friend to you. My neighbor told me about this blog a week ago, said it would change the way I looked at my kids,but I hesitated to read it worried that it might be too sad. But last night I had one of those nights that we mothers have...I am a mother of 4 and felt like I was failing as a mother...that they would never learn or listen to me. Today was a new day and I decided in some quiet time to read your blog. I started the day before your tragedy and read right up to now. I cried, well sobbed as I read what you have been through. I too have had my life changed by tragedy, although my outcome wasn't the same. But I know what it feels like to have life normal one minute and then turned upside down the next. I too am a member of your faith and it got me through. Thank you for taking the time to share your testimony and your strength. You truly are an inspiration and your journey is beautiful. I hope that I can remember the things you taught me in the past few hours when motherhood seems hard. Today, when my 2 year-old woke up from his nap and my other 3 were off with friends, I sat down and played with him rather than getting chores done because of Camille. I plan to make a lot more moments with my kids because of her...and you... and what you have taught me today. I will strive each day to be a better person in memory of your little angel. Thank you for impacting my life!
Ressa

Heather Lee said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Heather Lee said...

I didn't have time to read through everyone's comments to see if anyone pointed this out...but whether I'm original or not, I had a thought when I read this post. I have a degree in English, so I'm used to making connections and looking for symbolism...and I couldn't help but make the connection of the snow being representative of Camille. For the space of your dream, you were with Camille and playing with and enjoying her and her spirit. In your Christmas in July post you mentioned that waiting for Christmas was like waiting to see Camille again...Christmas day isn't here yet, but the snow came early. I hope that Heavenly Father blesses you with many more snow-days.

Stephanie said...

Your snow angels were heaven sent.
Your example is a beacon to us all.
May you have many more snow days/

s g said...

So great that you had a fun dream about the snow too...and I too LOVE your snow angels, E and Rache...great great girls. I am so glad you were able to relax and live in the moment in this 'snow day.'
Sara

y3aland said...

Stephanie --
I knew the Waite family when they lived up here in Reno. I have been so touched by your blog, and I've thought to leave a comment several times, but figured you already have enough to read.
Today, I decided I would share with you how your words have impacted my life. I feel like I know you so well, even though we've never met, and we are very much alike. Even in our Journalism/Law interests (although I never made it to law school -- still a goal.)
I hug my children more, I try to yell less.I tell my children I appreciate them. My daughter saw a picture of Camille as I was reading your blog one day and asked who it was. I told her she was an angel watching over us. She now tells random people -- in the grocery store, on the street -- we have an angel watching over us. I want to thank YOU for the lessons you have taught. I don't think I could thank you enough for the humility and spirit I have felt. I look forward to more thoughts and words from you.
Most sincerely,
Lisa (Kadz)Aland

Elise Norwood said...

Your blog has been both painful and peaceful to read. I followed a link to your blog from a friend's blog. I am so very sorry for your loss. My husband and I lost a daughter in February--she lived only 2 days. I know that circumstances are different and I am not trying to compare, but my heart just ached for you and your family. You are so very strong and faithful. I loved how you said that you and Camille are missionary companions. I just love that! I think that perspective will help me as I bear testimony of the Lord's plan and how we will see our sweet Kori again. It helps me to be bold about the truthfulness of the gospel. . . or more than I used to. I also cannot wait to throw my arms around her and hug her and kiss her. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and for bearing your testimony. Camille is so beautiful. Don't feel obligated, but you are welcome to read about Kori's story. I didn't write a ton about it, but you can read some posts back from February. Again, no obligation. My intentions are only to offer additional strength.

Brooke and Aaron said...

Stephanie - I found you on my friend, Ashley's blog. I have two girls (3 & 1) and was sincerely touched by your story. Because of you Stephanie, I am now much more grateful, more loving, more patient, more understanding, and therefore a better mother for my children. I was struck by your "why not me" perspective. You have given me the gift of hope, so thank you from the bottom of my heart. You have done so much for me; I will never forget your family.

Stephanie said...

That is wonderful that you had a little "snow" during your summer day.