Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Matters of Business

You know one of the hardest parts of this experience has been all the jobs to be done.  The police doing their investigation of the incident to determine if there was criminal negligence, the interviews only minutes after we called 911, the search warrant on the house, Child Protective Services interviewing us and visiting the house that night, the coroner having to question us an hour after she died.  All these good people just doing their jobs.  All standard procedure in death not by natural causes.  But these are not talks you expect or even consider when this nightmare of finding your baby... I'm not going go back there.

Now today we have to go pick out a coffin, another matter of business.  Not as distasteful as those already attended to but certainly not one I ever wanted to do.

I have to throw out an enormous thank you to my family.  They have attended to so many matter of the matters of business.   They are helping with compiling photos and videos of Camille, helping with funeral arrangements, fielding questions and talking on the phone for me so I don't have to start crying again.  They are working on flowers and programs and my dad is working on finishing the construction around our spa to make it safe with a gate. (We had only had the spa for 5 days).  All these matters of business that I am just not wanting to do.

Speaking of matters of business I have a couple for those of you reading:  anyone who wanted to send flowers we would rather you send a card to us letting us know you sent a donation to the LDS Church Perpetual Education Fund or LDS Humanitarian Services in Camilles name. We want as much good to come from her short life as possible.  In fact we were able to donate her heart for heart valves to save the lives of 2 other children.

Last matter of business, it has come to my attention that there may be some people coming in town for the funeral who are not immediate family.  I am so touched that you would come.  The funeral itself will be short and I will have no time to hug and say hello to people at that time. We are limiting the graveside service to immediate family only.  However, for any who have traveled from out of town to come we want to see you.  Please come to my parents house after lunch.  We will be gathering there at my parents at 1 p.m.  This invitation is only for those traveling from out of town.  The rest of you I can greet another time.  

Again thanks for the prayers.  I really do feel them.  I have a strengthened testimony of the power of prayer to strengthen and steady in times of trial.
loves,
Stephanie

73 comments:

Adam and Megan's Mom said...

Sending you many prayers across the miles. sincerley, Sheri

Anonymous said...

Dear Stephanie, My name is Sherry and I am in the ward. I am not able to attend meetings because of health but my heart is always there. I wanted to let you know that I think you are very brave to be able to write so freely about your little angel. I have been through some of the things you mentioned today and my heart goes out to you. May Heavenly Father bless you and your family with his comforting embrace. Much love, A Sister in the Gospel, Sherry Roach

Chelsea said...

i found your blog through claire brown's blog. i'm very sorry for your loss. i'm a mom, too, and cannot imagine a more terrible experience. i cried for you. i hope you can continue to feel peace through the atonement and your faith. your family will be in my prayers.

Rach said...

I just wanted to let you know I was checking in and saying prayers as you continue on this journey.

HUGS.

Mythreesons said...

Oh wow, Stephanie. I cannot even imagine having to deal with all the "business matters" on top of your grief. I am so glad that you have so much family to lift you up and help you. I'm grateful that you guys are so faithful and are so strong in your knowledge of the gospel. We continue to pray for you.
Love, The Hoopes

Jodie said...

Stephanie,

I am so sorry to hear about your sweet little Camille.

You and your family are in our thoughts & prayers.

Jodie

Liz's Blog said...

Hi Stephanie,
I am so sorry that on top of dealing with the loss of your beautiful Camille, you are having to deal with all the "matter of fact" buisness. I am glad your family is here to help you. Please know that we are here for you and you are in our prayers throughout the days and nights. We love you and we are here for you.
Liz

The Snedegers said...

Stephanie and Family- I do not know you personaly but I feel strongly to tell you how much I appreciate you sharing your feelings with all of us. I can not even imagine the strength it must take. You are such a good example and have truly stregthened my testimony! Thank you for sharing your feelings and thoughts with all of us, you have touched my life and I know many others. The lord is shinning down on you along with your sweet little angel. Are Prayers are with you.

The Andersens said...

Dear Stephanie:
My sister Emily Hoopes is in your ward, and so I have been reading your blog and am so pained to hear of your loss. I'm so so sorry that your family is having to go through this trial. I have already commented to say that I am grateful you have the scriptures and the gospel in these hard times to help you find comfort, but after reading your last blog entry, I had to comment one more time.
I am so deeply touched that you and your family had the courage and charity to donate your little one's heart. I am in tears. That must be such an incredible sacrifice to make, but you have no idea what that sacrifice meant to the families of the little ones you have saved. Our little Gracey also needs a heart transplant. The thought of someone losing their loved one so our Grace can live is so incredibly painful and unfair to me, but when and if that day ever comes, I will be so eternally grateful to the family that has provided it for her.
Thank you for your charity and courage and amazing example of faith in Heavenly Father's plan for all of us. I imagine your little Camille wouldn't have it any other way.
You will be in my prayers continually.
love Alysia Andersen

cmomof2 said...

The matters of business... what a unwelcome burden. My heart is with you as you have to handle all the things you might wish would just go away. I was very pleased to hear that your family is standing with you and helping you through all this. And their comfort will be the best medicine I hope and pray. If there is ever a load that I can take off your heavy shoulders, please let me know.

princess jen said...

I am Emily H.'s SIL. My heart goes out to you and your family. My little niece (7 months) drowned in a home accident last summer. My brother went through the interviews and the investigations, etc. I wish there was something I could say or do for you. Thank you for choosing to donate some of her organs. I know those families will be blessed by Camille. We are thinking of you and praying for you.

Mandy and Jason said...

Stephanie and Family, Our thoughts and prayers are with you continually. with love, Mandy and Jason

Jennie said...

I cannot imagine what you are going through and my thoughts are with you. You will be in my prayers and so will your little angel. I wish you all the comfort in the world.

Dickson Circus said...

Dear Stephanie. My friend sent me a link to your blog and I am so sorry about your little girl.
You must be the strongest mother made of the strongest stuff. Your ability to be positive has absolutely humbled me.
Thank you for being a great example, and sharing the hard things in your life right now. My heart is breaking for you.

Amanda said...

Dear Stephanie- I am in the EP ward and have many friends that know you and have been keeping me posted. Words can not express how sorry I am for your and your sweet famliy. I am amazed at your faith and testimony at this extremly difficult time in your lives. We are so blessed to have The Plan of Salvation in our lives and knowing that we will be together forever is such a blessing. You are in our thoughts and prayers. Hang in there!

Rebecca and Bradley said...

Your posts brought tears to my eyes. I am sorry for your loss, Stephanie and Jonathan. Our prayers and thoughts are with you and your family.

Love,
Becky North
(former Whitcomb)

Byron and Heather said...

Steph-
I can not even begin to comprehend all that you must be going through. Your strength amazes me. I wonder and worry about you, and want to thank you for your willingness to express your feelings during such a difficult time. You are incredible.
Love,
Heather(Shaw)Bankhead

Anonymous said...

Dear Stephanie and family,
My thoughts and prayers are with you at this difficult time.

Lori Naegle
Tomiyasu

julesttdmom said...

Stephanie,
My heart is breaking for you. I want you to know that you are in our hearts and in our prayers. It is so amazing how some one so little can touch so many people in so many ways. I have been through this many times with Collin's friends and it is heart breaking to know that there isn't anything that I can say to bring comfort to you. Please know that we love you and we are lifting you up in prayer. Families are forever!!
BIG HUGS,
Julie Presley
presleyfam.blogspot.com

Rosemary Edds said...

I cannot express enough how much I feel for your family. I cannot imagine how you all feel and may God bless you and your wonderful family. Thoughts and prayers are with your loving family during this hard time.

Anonymous said...

Steph, your posts are absolute treasures. I have so much love in my heart for you and your family. I feel so honored to even know you! Your immense strength makes me want to be a better person. For that, I thank you. Please know I am thinking and praying for you constantly. Much Love, Stacey Ord

Stephanie said...

What a great blessing it is to have your wonderful family close by. Our family continues to pray for your family and you are continually in our thoughts. Your faith is a great example to me personally.

With love,
Stephanie Morris

Anonymous said...

Loosing a child is an unbearable thing to go through. I a so greatful to know that your sweet angel is in the arms of her Savior and sending you love a peace every second.

Lloyd & Leslie said...

Stephanie, your experience reminds me somewhat of what my daughter went through when she lost her daughter too soon a few years ago, just before birth. She's not a member of the church and so you can imagine what a dark tunnel she was in during that time. We did what we could to share the gospel with her (I'd only been a member for not quite 2 years at that point) and I think it brought her some peace and she also had a lot of support from people. Then at some point a lot of the obvious visible support faded away, people go back to their regular lives, and for her, a big wave came crashing over her and she felt very alone to bear her burdens. This was several months later, probably peaking at its worst about 6 months after she lost her daughter. I don't know if it's all that harder when one doesn't have the gospel in their lives, doesn't have knowledge of the plan of salvation, etc. She also struggled with feeling like she was starting to forget her daughter, too, which is really only a merciful thing to help ease the pain, not truly make you forget. I want you to know that I will continue to grieve with you and be mindful that just because you are "going on with your life" that you also have a place in your heart that aches and longs to have your daughter physically here with you. I just want you to know you won't be alone. There are a lot of people that are grieving with you and even if we smile when you smile, we will all know the private pain that's there and we will (somewhat) understand. And, so if you get to the point that you feel you're more alone, you're not. And, if at that time you want to talk about whatever you need to, we'll be here for you.

Love,
Leslie Wiley

Anderson and Associates: said...

Hello Stephanie, you may not remember us but we used to be in the Hacienda Ward. My wife and I taught Anne Marie in Primary when she first came in as a SunBeam. We got to know Anne Marie and Sabrina and they are amazing girls. At the time Camille was not yet born but Anne Marie spoke of her future presence all the time. From what we could tell your children are very bright and spiritual. We are very saddened by this event and our love and prayers are with you and your family.

Anonymous said...

Dear Waite Family:

I found your blog through that of another Mom who lost her precious daughter in a tragic drowning accident.

I am so intensely sorry for the grief you must feel and want to share with you something another bereaved Mom had written. It is not verbatim but it goes likes this:

"Heavenly Father allowed in His wisdom that which he could have prevented with His power."

Isn't that just awesome?

At times of weakness when I am sorrily tempted and ask "Why, Father?", this message has been an amazing comfort in giving me a wonderfully mellow peace and a re-focus on His will - not mine. I pray it helps you even in some small way.

You have a wonderful family and I am humbled by your testimony and faith.

May you always feel blanketed by the outpouring of love to your family. Heavenly Father will continue to cradle you in the palms of His hands and carry you through this unexpected journey.

A friend across the miles.

Brian & Kara said...

Dear Stephanie & Jonathon,
Brian and I found out today about your tragic accident with your little girl. We are so saddened to hear to hear of your loss. We just had our first daughter in March and cannot imagine how difficult this must be for you. We both cried as we read your entries today. We are amazed at your strength at this time and will be keeping you and your family in our prayers. Camille is beautiful as are all of your daughters. I still remember Ann Marie as a baby and thinking she was the most gorgeous baby I had ever seen. I am so happy you have the knowledge of eternal families and the plan of salvation. We will pray for Heavenly Father to continue to give you both the strength to get through this difficult time and to feel His love wrapped around you! Much love!
Love,
Kara & Brian Costello
brianandkara.blogspot.com

Liza's Eyeview said...

I just read about this on 5 Minutes For Moms - I am so sorry for your tragic loss. I grieve for you even though this is the first time I met you (not even in person, by through blog).

(((((HUGS)))

Heather said...

(Another 5minutesformom visitor.) I am so very sorry to hear of the loss of your daughter. What an unimaginable grief. Peace and strength to you and your family.

MoziEsmé said...

What a beautiful baby. Sending more prayers your way.

Krissi said...

Your family is in my thoughts. I wish I had more to offer, I can't find words to express my sadness.

Sam said...

I have just heard your story and my heart goes out to you and I shall be sending prayers across the sea.

MomOnTheGo said...

Stephanie, I wish you strength for when you must have it and strong arms to hold you when your strength has gone (but for just a while). I'll keep you in my prayers.

Amanda said...

I linked in from 5 Minutes For Mom - I am SO sorry for your loss. As a mother myself it truly breaks my heart what you are going thru. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers.
Amanda in SC

Monica @ Paper Bridges said...

I'm so sorry. :( May the Lord give you all comfort, strength and peace.

Jennifer, Snapshot said...

I am so very sorry for your loss. It sounds as if your faith will sustain you, and I am thankful that you have that.

I lost a baby in my second trimester 5 years ago. It's not the same, but even so I experienced such profound love from my friends (and extended acquaintances) and family and church in that time that it did lead to a peace that surpasses all understanding.

You sound so strong. I know that the road is long, so I will be praying for your family.

Heather said...

I hated picking out the urn for our daughter's ashes. You are not alone. Praying for you.

Blessed said...

I came over from 5 Minutes for Mom simply to express my sympathy to you and your family during this hard time. You will be in my prayers today.

Tracey said...

I can not imagine...and I have no words.....I will pray for your family!!!!!!

Christie O. said...

Stephanie,
I am here through 5 minutes for Mom and I just wanted to share my sorrow with you and let you know that your family is in my prayers.
Blessings.
Christie O.

Angie Wenke said...

My heart just aches for your lost! I sit here this morning weeping reading your story and wonder if I could be as brave and couragious as you are your family! Please know your are all in my hearts and prayers! And we all weep and mourn with you!

God Bless you All
Angie

Adventures In Babywearing said...

I just can't imagine. I am so sorry you have to go through this and am praying for the strength for you to just get through each moment one step at a time.

Steph

Mom of TWO Princesses said...

I heard about your loss from 5minutesformom.com. I am so terribly sorry that you are dealing with this. My prayers are with you all as you & your family

Jen said...

Dear Stephanie & family ~

I'm so very sorry about the loss of your sweet daughter Camille. I can't imagine having to go through what you are going though. Thankfully you are finding some comfort knowing that it was god's timing for her to come home, even though we don't like that answer.

Many prayers to you & your family during this time and weeks, months, years to come.

Jen

Amy said...

Prayers to you.

Heather D. White said...

Dear Stephanie...you don't know me, but I was just directed to your blog. We just experienced a death very close to us this week..in fact, I just wrote about the funeral yesterday. I truly feel like there was a reason that I fell upon your blog today. I shared a few uplifting thoughts from the funeral this week that might provide some comfort to you. Your strength is such an inspiration. Our thoughts and prayers are with you through this difficult time.

Three P's in a Pod said...

Oh Stephanie -

I can only imagine the profound sorrow you are experiencing and I am so so very sorry. While we have not met, I wish I could remove that burden from you. No one should have to go through that.
My Dad, whom I adored, passed away 2 years ago. He has always been a child magnet and I figure Heavenly Father has continued to put that gift to work after his earth life. He might even be one of the lucky spirits there to great your sweet angel and help her. I hope so.:)
I knew the instant that I saw your family picture on your blog that you are LDS as are we...what a great tribute that is to you, your family and to your precious Camille. My thoughts and prayers will be with you.

~Alyson

Kara said...

I heard about your loss on another blog and wanted to come offer my hugs. You're family will be in my prayers.

Damselfly said...

Just extending prayers for blessings and peace for you and your family.

Jodi said...

Many prayers going out to you and your family. I am in awe at how peaceful you are with this tragedy. I know I wouldn't be holding up as well as you seem through your words on your blog.

FeatherBunkle said...

Stephanie,
My heart aches for your loss. Your family is in our prayers...

MomOf3 said...

I just read about Camille at 5 minutes for mom. My heart is breaking for you. I pray for peace for you and your family.

scrap chair potato said...

I read about you on 5 minutes for mom.
I am sorry for your loss. I am so glad you have the gospel in your life. I pray that you will continue to feel the peace in knowing that families are forever.

Sandy M said...

Praying for you and your family. you are in my thoughts.

BlondeMomBlog (Jamie) said...

I just read about the loss of your precious girl at 5 Minutes For Mom and wanted to extend my condolences. I am so sorry.

Shannon said...

Being raised in the RLDS church and being close to your religion I know we share some values. I know your heart is breaking. My heart broke as I read that! No one else wants to bury a child, my heart goes out to you.

wendy said...

Stephanie, we're praying and fasting for your family from Denver. I was really touched to read your blog and feel your strength at this hard hard time. Just wanted you to know that we are thinking about your family, and praying for each of you and Camille as well. We wish we could be there saturday to our show our support as well but I believe my sister Jennifer is going to come. We love you,

Wendy Lewis Reni

Beth said...

Dear Stephanie, Jonathan & girls ~ I just found your blog by way of 5 Minutes for Mom and I wanted to let you know that you and your precious family are in my prayers. I pray God continue to bless each and every one of you with strength and peace and that He continue to carry you through such a paralyzing grief. God bless and keep you.

KEYLIMER said...

Even my little ones are praying for your dear family every night! Hang in there!

The Ashby Family

Alisa (Hyte) Ashby
keylimer.blogspot.com

~Amanda~ said...

To you and your Family I am so sorry for your loss My prayers go out to you!

Susan (5 Minutes For Mom) said...

I would imagine such "Matters of Business" must make this horrific experience utterly unbearable.

I honestly cannot imagine surviving it. I think I would have a nervous breakdown.

As a Christian myself, I too would rely on the strength of God to pull me through... but I still can't imagine surviving it all.

Your faith is so strong and such a witness to everyone.

I will keep praying and thinking of you and your family.

Anonymous said...

Stephanie,

I just heard about your daughter, and my heart goes out to you. Your family will be in the thoughts and prayers of my family in the days and weeks ahead. You are so fortunate to be surrounded by people who love you, and who share your knowledge of the plan of salvation.

Scott Lewis

Emily said...

My heart absolutely aches for your family!! Sending all of my love, strength & comfort your way!

Natalie said...

Hi Stephanie and Jonathan,
We were so sorry to hear about the passing of your sweet Camille. We never got the chance to meet her, but we're sure she was as sweet as your other girls. I've read your blog and your strength is inspiring. We are praying for you, Jonathan and the girls. May you see God's infinite glory through this tragedy.

Love,
The Colliers (Travis, Natalie, Nina, and Cameron)

seeryusfam@msn.com said...

I'm praying, praying and praying for you all right now.

Honea Household said...

I just found your website and I am heartbroken for you. May you find peace in our Savior. Praying for you.

Cuddle Cottage said...

Dear Stephanie,
May God wrap you and your family up in his love during this very difficult time, my prayers are with you.
With love, Belinda

Tina said...

I heard your story at 5 Minutes for Mom. God bless your family and it's beautiful that you were able to help two other children in the midst of all your sorrow.

Ali Blogger said...

Praying for your family. How wonderful that precious Camille was able to save the lives of two other children. It's hard to understand God's Plan, but I admire you for seeking and staying close to Him through this tragic time. God bless you and your family.

Tina of MyGoodFinds said...

I am very sorry for your family's loss. May your little angel rest on God's palms in peace.

Anonymous said...

Dear Stephie, I just returned from vacation--so excited to see an email from you in my inbox, my dear friend from law school, and was thinking that we just don't see each other enough...now, my heart is so broken, and I am feeling your grief and sadness. I am speechless…I still have the beautiful pink and brown announcement card that you sent me sitting on my desk, and was saving it for my next visit to your side of the country when I could meet Camille. My thoughts and prayers are with you, Jon and the girls—I am so happy that you are, and have always been so grounded in your faith, which will give you the strength to get through this. If there is anything that I can do, just say the word—I am always here for you. With love for you always, Debbie.

Anonymous said...

Stephanie,
My family and I send our love and support to you during this trying time. I heard earlier this week about Camille thru Ken Meechudhone and have been touched by your strength over the past days. I know that Heavenly Father will continue to buoy you up in your need.
CJ Hoogland and family

annie said...

I found a link to your blog, and had to go to older posts to know what happened to your sweet baby Camille. My baby Isabelle also drowned. In our pool. Four years ago. She did not die like predicted within the first 48 hours. She is living and five now. She does not walk, or talk. She does not play with toys or have a favorite food. She is not the same child from before her drowning. I am so sorry for your loss. I have wondered over the years which would be easier. To lose her completely at the time of the drowning, or to have traveled this road. I'm still not sure. I keep updates going on Izzy's blog (which is how I got started in this big bloggy world) which is prayforizzy.blogspot.com. I also just blog for me mostly at mylifeasannie.com.

I just wanted to say hi, and I'm sorry. It's something a mother shouldn't have to deal with. But God is gracious and loving and so faithful.

Blessings,
Annie